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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp won't leave

88 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 05:51

So I finally had a bit of enough, it was over something relatively small but the straw broke the camels back and I can't do this for another day let alone a year.
I asked dp to leave. Its my home, he owns nothing in it apart from his work stuff and the dsc beds. Obviously he can collect everything etc later or now as I wouldn't take things that arnt mine.
He refused to leave and is acting like I'm being unreasonable. He says he has too much work to do (wfh) and won't go. I've asked him repeatedly to please go even just for a while initlaly. He keeps says he won't and that it's ridiculous, I said I need space and him being here is making things worse. We have a 13mth old that I don't wnat to be around the bad feeling.
He has somewhere to go to, his parents.
I don't know what I can do. I don't wnat to call police or anything as we have a child together and will need to Co parent regardless of what happens between us.

OP posts:
snitzelvoncrumb · 12/08/2019 05:59

I think you might have to involve the police if he won't leave. Can you leave the child with someone then give him the option of leaving or calling the police and having him removed?

user1483387154 · 12/08/2019 06:00

if he wont leave then you should call the police to help you

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 06:03

It was yesterday morning. So I will reinforce how I feel anf that it is same today and see if he will go under his own steam as I don't want to destroy a working relationship if I can avoid doing so.
I'm absolutely terrified at the though of doing parenting alone but honestly I'm. Too exhausted with trying all the time. So it might be for the best long term

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 12/08/2019 06:11

Phone 111 for advice and the police can attend to ensure he leaves. Tell him in no uncertain terms that its over and he needs to go

DCICarolJordan · 12/08/2019 06:15

Hugs OP. I’ve seen many of your threads on here and it’s great to see you’re tossing this loser to the curb.
His actions now are proving you are doing the right thing. It’s your house - call police. And stay strong 💐

beccarocksbaby · 12/08/2019 06:39

111 wont help you it's a medical helpline. 101 is the police non emergency line and are much more likely to give advice on policing matters

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 06:47

Thanks. I want to avoid police. I think a sit down and clearly explaining again might be the best option.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 12/08/2019 06:47

111? A medical helpline won't help in this situation.
If you're not married and the house is in your name, he's got no more right to be there than I have!

Wait til he's gone out, pack up all his stuff and dump it at his parents door, then change the locks.

GabriellaMontez · 12/08/2019 06:50

Find a locksmith on a local fb group. Change the locks.

DaWeasleyWae · 12/08/2019 06:50

If you really really want to avoid police, is there someonelse you can call to try shift him? Your parents? A brother? His parents? Just someone who can speak a bit of sense to him and get him to gtfo without putting too much stress on you?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 06:51

Trust me if we didn't have a joint child I'm more than able to dump stuff.
Yep we are unmarried and house is in my sole name bought with my savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 06:52

Yeah my dad is an ex copper but is over 70 with health issues and isn't the most subtle.
My mom is an option or maybe his dad.
That's a sensible suggestion, thank you.

OP posts:
cranstonmanor · 12/08/2019 07:14

I don't wnat to call police or anything as we have a child together and will need to Co parent regardless of what happens between us.

He is the one who should be worried about this, not you. Call the police.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 07:27

There is no violence or anything like that at all.
I'm just sick of being responsible for the vast majority of everything and tbh being on my own will be easier.
Silly things like:

*was providing a washing machine as our broke. He didn't for 2 month - we have a baby!! - as no money. So I sorted a second hand one. I found out he spent 130 quid on his hobby rather than the washing machine.

I know that sounds petty but I'm sick of not being able to rely on him for the basics.
He won't start a pension or sort life insurance, but has 4 kids!
I'm just tierd of it

I just want my son to be happy and have a happy mom

OP posts:
Rtmhwales · 12/08/2019 07:48

If it's your legal house can't you just change the locks instead of involving the police? Have a friend drop his stuff round his parents'.

DaWeasleyWae · 12/08/2019 08:04

I'd contact either your mum or his dad then sweets... Id explain that him moving out doesn't necessarily have to be permanent (if you genuinely think that) but atm, you need the time to figure out what is going to be best for all involved. Explain that you didn't want all the drama but as he is refusing to Budge, you've had no choice but to call in back-up.. I hope all works out for the best for you OP, keep us updated, if you can :)

LittleFairywren · 12/08/2019 08:06

Just change the locks and put his stuff outside.

DaWeasleyWae · 12/08/2019 08:08

Also.... You are not being petty with regards to washing machine... If my husband spent £130 on anything (that wasn't an immediate need) while we had no washer and a baby to keep clean... Well... Shall we say... said husband would be feeling very sorry (elbow deep, over the bath cleaning dirty baby vests 😂)

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 08:14

Thanks. Its tiny stuff that builds up.
Like I wfh today and start very very early.
His day to get baby to childminder. He wouldn't get up and said he needs 30min more if that's okay to rest.
I am at bloody work, get off your arse and look after your baby.
Obviously if he'd left I'd have had to do it and make up the time,but seriously

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 12/08/2019 08:14

If he won't leave you will have to get some help - there's no alternative.

Either call his parents and if that doesn't work you need to call the police, explain it is your house, you don't want him there and he is refusing to leave. They will come round and initially attempt to get him to leave and go to his parents. He will likely only get arrested if he becomes aggressive.

In all honesty, while I appreciate you have a baby, I really don't understand this reluctance to call the police as several people have already advised.

regmover · 12/08/2019 08:18

You're getting good advice here, you probably need to follow it.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 08:23

Thanks. I just don't like wasting their time, I'm at zero risk of harm etc.
I'm hoping he will be reasonable n go of his own accord. As I want us to maintain an amicable parenting situation for our joint child. Plus for his half siblings

OP posts:
Likethebattle · 12/08/2019 08:55

Tell him if he hasn’t left by x time you will have him removed. The minute he leaves get new locks as he’ll just use his key.

Miriamkiwi · 12/08/2019 09:15

Maybe it's his uncommunicative way of trying??! He can sense that his time is up and possibly cares?

Tonnerre · 12/08/2019 09:28

Does he ever go out for long periods of time? Can you get the locks changed and bag up his stuff and put it outside the door?

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