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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp won't leave

88 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 05:51

So I finally had a bit of enough, it was over something relatively small but the straw broke the camels back and I can't do this for another day let alone a year.
I asked dp to leave. Its my home, he owns nothing in it apart from his work stuff and the dsc beds. Obviously he can collect everything etc later or now as I wouldn't take things that arnt mine.
He refused to leave and is acting like I'm being unreasonable. He says he has too much work to do (wfh) and won't go. I've asked him repeatedly to please go even just for a while initlaly. He keeps says he won't and that it's ridiculous, I said I need space and him being here is making things worse. We have a 13mth old that I don't wnat to be around the bad feeling.
He has somewhere to go to, his parents.
I don't know what I can do. I don't wnat to call police or anything as we have a child together and will need to Co parent regardless of what happens between us.

OP posts:
AfterSchoolWorry · 12/08/2019 09:33

How did his ex get him to leave I wonder?

Dots he go out to do his hobby? If so change the locks while he's out and take all his work stuff and clothes to his parents.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 09:33

There is some much stuff that no not all of it.
He wants to talk when I'm on lunch break. So I'm going to explain again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 09:34

She didn't. He bought her out of the house and she left with kids.

OP posts:
Tonnerre · 12/08/2019 09:37

Even if you can't bag all of his stuff up in one go, you can bag up his clothes and personal essentials and leave a note saying he can make an appointment to pick up the rest.

Cherrysoup · 12/08/2019 09:39

I know you don't want to involve the police, but he won't be arrested or have a record. You simply tell them you want him out and could they please give you a hand to remove him/take the keys.

cranstonmanor · 12/08/2019 09:40

I just don't like wasting their tim

You aren't wasting their time, he is. You are trying to parent amicably, he isn't.

LittleOwl153 · 12/08/2019 09:45

He wants to talk you out of it more like...

If he could afford to buy his ex out of their house where is that money now??

Can he access the garage with out coming through the house? If so pack up his clothes etc and dump in there and thrn change the locks on the house. Tell him he has a week to move the business or you will change those locks too.

Nanny0gg · 12/08/2019 10:02

And while he's still there carry on as if he wasn't. No cooking ,cleaning, washing.
Don't ask him for anything

HouseworkAvoider10 · 12/08/2019 10:09

Call the police.

HiJenny35 · 12/08/2019 15:02

Alternatively just change the barrel of the lock while he's out (easy to do and only takes about 10 minutes.
However I'd tell his parents the situation and explain that if he doesn't leave you are going to contact the police. You just say I g it to him he doesn't think you will do it, tell his parents and they will talk him round.

Scorpiovenus · 12/08/2019 15:05

Call the police and get him out. Its your home don't let him be a cf :D

geekone · 12/08/2019 15:06

Any news OP are your ok?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 12/08/2019 15:07

Bag his stuff up and leave it by the door, if he still won’t go,

Give him a deadline time and tell him if he’s not out you’ll phone the police

Or change the locks and put his stuff outside

Any of the above should do it

DippedtyDoo · 12/08/2019 15:08

If you don't want to call the police, go down to your local police station and get advice on what you should do in this situation. In person, might be better. But if you can't - on the phone. Just ring and ask for advice. I am sure they will give you options - as they deal with this sort of thing all the time. You may even need legal advice e.g. give two weeks notice or something weird like that - you need to find out.

Knowledge is power.

Once you know where you stand (legally) and your position thereof, I am sure you will feel alot more clear and empowered about what to do.

This sort of crap happens all the time, you will soon be through it.

Good luck with you and your child and a more peaceful future.

HollowTalk · 12/08/2019 15:09

Is there weed involved with this man?

DippedtyDoo · 12/08/2019 15:10

Better to get legal advice on options or proper advice from police I think before doing some of the things suggested here.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/08/2019 15:12

I’m sorry things have got even shitter but you’re definitely making the right decision. Give him a deadline to go otherwise you don’t have a choice but to involve others or the police.

Brighter days ahead OP. You’ve always come across as incredibly capable and with your head screwed on. I’m sure when you’re not running yourself ragged for him and his kids you’ll find like is a million times easier and you can focus your energy and resources on yourself and your baby.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 12/08/2019 15:13

I have no advice that you haven't already been given but just wanted to say thank fuck you are finally dumping that tosser. Honestly it's been exhausting reading your other threads let alone you living it. I would bet you'll be much less exhausted too once he's gone because although you'll be doing stuff by yourself you already are there'll be less than half the workload.

Butterymuffin · 12/08/2019 15:15

You're not wasting their time, he is! And you've asked him to be reasonable and it's got you nowhere. So you need to do this.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 15:36

Thanks it's going OK. Chatted again. Have time frame that's reasonable and I am oK with.
The holiday home I purchased with family is there so I might pop away for a bit with bbay to the beach n clear my head.

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 12/08/2019 15:41

Just make sure he sticks to the deadline, and doesn't try to stay past it.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 12/08/2019 15:51

Tbh I'd be a little wary of going off even with a timeframe- he doesn't want to go so be prepared for you to have given an inch and him to try and take a mile. I think I'd be tempted to stay in order to tell him to get his stuff at that time or you'll have the police up to escort him out.

I've done it before- you'd be amazed how quickly they back down and go when there's someone bigger than them there.

Butterymuffin · 12/08/2019 15:55

I wouldn't go away anywhere until he has gone and you have had the locks changed. He will take you being away as licence to just stay longer and will spin you a yarn about why it's been delayed when you get back.

GreatOne · 12/08/2019 16:00

He's only got to do a bit of searching online, to find out that he could apply for an occupation order - doesn't matter that its not his house.
You'd then be really stuck!

Atm, I believe you're within your rights to change the locks while he's out. I'd then message him to say not to come back. Amd how you'll arrange a place for him to collect his belongings

Motoko · 12/08/2019 16:03

Yeah, he might also damage or chuck items of yours that he knows mean a lot to you.

Just ask the police to come round. It's no good you trying to be reasonable, when he's not even trying. I doubt he'll do much, if any, parenting once he's gone.

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