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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp won't leave

88 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 05:51

So I finally had a bit of enough, it was over something relatively small but the straw broke the camels back and I can't do this for another day let alone a year.
I asked dp to leave. Its my home, he owns nothing in it apart from his work stuff and the dsc beds. Obviously he can collect everything etc later or now as I wouldn't take things that arnt mine.
He refused to leave and is acting like I'm being unreasonable. He says he has too much work to do (wfh) and won't go. I've asked him repeatedly to please go even just for a while initlaly. He keeps says he won't and that it's ridiculous, I said I need space and him being here is making things worse. We have a 13mth old that I don't wnat to be around the bad feeling.
He has somewhere to go to, his parents.
I don't know what I can do. I don't wnat to call police or anything as we have a child together and will need to Co parent regardless of what happens between us.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 12/08/2019 16:07

Do not leave your house with him still in it.

Pursefirst · 12/08/2019 16:10

OP definitely do not leave your house with him still in it!

BenWillbondsPants · 12/08/2019 16:15

Do not leave your house with him still in it.

OP, please take this advice. A friend of mine did something very similar - went to stay with her parents for a couple of days to give her boyfriend the time to move his stuff out. When she got home he had changed the locks and put her stuff in the shed. It was her house. She did get him out but it was a nightmare for her.

Motoko · 12/08/2019 16:16

Ah, I've just realised you're the poster, who was supposed to be going on a holiday with partner and the kids, then found out that his parents were also going to be there, and insisted on using 2 of the bedrooms. (You referred to your DC as "bbay" in both threads.)

Has the holiday happened yet? I know you'd booked a separate one for you and baby.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 16:18

It's okay I have very watertight documents for the house as he does for his assets as I I sisted on it.... The joys of being previously divorced.
Yeah I can't type... Lol. He is my bby though.
Next week is the holiday so I lucked out in some ways!
He defo won't be here after next week regardless as he will be away with dsc

OP posts:
Coffeeandcherrypie · 12/08/2019 16:20

Don’t go OP! If the place is in your name then change the lock !

Junipertills · 12/08/2019 16:20

I called the police to help remove an ex when I was pregnant and social services were informed by the police. Even though I told SS he wasn't violent they said if he wasn't violent why did you call the police, I said because it's my right to if someone won't leave the property what else do you do when you cannot remove them yourself? But they still tried to imply I must have had a reason for calling the police - yes to fucking remove him because our relationship was deteriorating, but still they made out like I had done something "wrong" by calling the police and it "gave an impression" that something serious had happened etc and you don't call the police unless it's bad? It's like they didn't understand that you can call the police when someone refuses to leave, even if you aren't having a blazing row or anything physical is happening.

Junipertills · 12/08/2019 16:22

Oh god, don't worry about that OP, I think they were just overzealous that time and it doesn't seem to happen to everyone. I probably shouldn't of said it! Also it wasn't taken any further

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 16:23

I have the only key to two of the doors in anyway. Also dp isn't that much of an arse.
But I. Won't go

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 16:23

As in leave house although I ahve to for period of time For childminder baby work etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 16:24

Don't worry I'm. Not worried about ss, I have squeaky clearness and baby is prefect

OP posts:
lyralalala · 12/08/2019 16:25

It's okay I have very watertight documents for the house as he does for his assets as I I sisted on it...

If he decides to be a dick it still takes time and costs a lot to remove him if he locks you out!

It’s just not worth the risk

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 12/08/2019 16:26

My dad, cousin and a lot of other fmaily members are /were police and I can break a window and replace it at minimal cost. It won't come

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 12/08/2019 20:55

Some terrible and ignorant advice on this thread

He has rights. He can apply for them and seek an occupation order.

You cannot simply just change the locks and throw him out. There could be legal repercussions if you do. Please seek proper legal advice

Mesmermancer · 12/08/2019 21:01

He has rights. He can apply for them and seek an occupation order

That is for victims of DV

thecatinthetwat · 12/08/2019 21:23

Well done op, you have your timeframe, you must be feeling relieved.

Personally I would go away if you have the option to do so, but weigh it up.

Flowers
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/08/2019 05:22

No he doesn't. Occupation orders are for dv only. He absolutely has the right to his possessions but he has no rights to acess property unless he is the owner or a tenant. He is neither as clarified by the paperwork. I've rechecked everything I have, he has 30 days as per our legal docs to vacate all goods (residency terminates immediately) or i can dispose of them at will.
So that's something.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 13/08/2019 05:35

Ohh I just realised my son can have. A bigger room now so I can finally clear the toys into proper storage as I don't need room for dps office.
Hazzah... Sad but silver linings

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 16/08/2019 14:52

No. He can register homes rights. Look it up.

BlueSkiesLies · 16/08/2019 14:58

I’d just wait until he goes on the holiday then. Get the locks changed and drop his stuff round to a friends house.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 16/08/2019 15:02

No he can't our paperwork specifically prahibits him from having rights, it's why it was drawn up and we are not married or in a civil partnership. If we were married obviously this would drastically change the situation but we are not. There is no mogage so no debate that he has been paying towards that or upkeep, as again its in the legal papers
Sorry but you are wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 16/08/2019 15:06

To clarify a very dull point of law, the property right of unmarried partners are not the smae their eis no common law in the UK. The only way a non married partner has claims on a property is if it is in trust eg they have contributed to it significantly eg paid for an extension or mortgage payments. This isn't the case here. I own the house outright. Dp has paid half of bills only. All property maintence has been paid by myself including decoration. He has no claims to it at all legally.
Joint property eg furniture we would obviously split as that's fair and he does have a legal claim on that

OP posts:
Foslady · 16/08/2019 15:35

A bit off topic but thank you for that last post @Spanglyprincess confirmation of what I thought was the case!

HaileySherman · 16/08/2019 15:56

Make sure you feel safe OP. I know you said there's no DV, but statistically speaking, the most dangerous time for a woman is after she ends a relationship and before he moves out. Also, be wary of the fact that (at least in the US) he has the right to leave with the child. So make sure you are on the same page about that. I don't want to make you paranoid, just aware of possibilities. In the courts eyes, without a court order in place, he has as much of a right to custody of a child as the mother. You just want to make sure you have all your ducks in a row.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 16/08/2019 16:30

He works away 3 days most weeks he wouldn't want to. Be rp and couldn't be. His fmaily arnt in a position to help with childcare.
I'm really keen he sees ds as much as possible and that ds sees his siblings (half).
How would that work though as he's only 13 mths and breastfed? Daytimes or evenings but no Overnights?

OP posts: