Should I tell someone what I saw?

[Wetwashing00]

Do you ever meet someone and instantly feel creeped out?
This has happened at a function last night.
The man I met is married to my friends Aunt, he seemed all very normal until later in the night once he’d had a few.
He was hanging out with the kids a lot, swinging them around the dance floor & chasing them.
Everyone seemed to think it was hilarious and he was great with them.
I saw a young girl on his lap during the night, she was maybe 7 yrs old.
She was struggling to get off and he was holding her hard onto him so she couldn’t get away.
I felt weird, it looked pervy.

Immediately after she got off and ran away, I noticed his hand was around my sons shoulder and he was stroking his ear lobe.
I was crouched in front of my son whilst he was holding a baby.
I pulled his hand and flung it off.
I never said anything to him and I didn’t look at him, I just took my son away.
My partner was sitting at the next table, he got up and came over. He had been watching and said the man had been doing things like that to most of the kids all night and he felt uneasy.

I looked at this man and he appeared to be upset and was ‘explaining gestures’ to his wife. I think she suggested he’d had enough and he should leave which he did.
Should I say anything to someone?
My friend?
The host?
Or just leave it all?
I probably won’t ever see him again.
But I have been overthinking a lot, his wife runs a children’s nursery

@Dandelion5 the Police would not do anything as no crime has been committed, and if he is on The Sex Offenders Register he should not be anywhere near children in the first place, which I highly doubt he is if he is in such a public place.

*molestation IS sexual

Anyone who works in a nursery cannot live in the same house as a registered sex offender so he won't be on file already. I would mention it to the host that, although the girl on the lap was near her parents, you found it uncomfortable to watch along with all the other things you noticed him doing.

*molestation IS always sexual

I was abused by my grandfather, and while the most serious abuse took place away from others, when I was younger he used to sit me on his knee and stroke my legs while my parents and others were in the same room.

I was abused by an elderly friend of my parents who would have us stand near him and put his arm around us. He then put his finger in our knickers. My parents were in the room or in and out of the room at the time. I was about 4 or 5. It happens in plain sight.

I wasn't particularly traumatised by it tbh - I said it to my sister - does X put his fingers in your knickers (she was 2 years older) and she said "yeah he does that. Don't stand close to him anymore." So I didn't and it stopped. To the day they died my parents had no clue.

you were right OP.

“This was all done openly in front of everyone”

This is exactly how abusers operate. Charm and befriend the parents. Get cosy with the children in plain sight- gain the children’s trust. Everyone thinks it’s cute. I wish it would end with the abuser getting a kick out of the little girl on his lap while others are oblivious. It doesn’t.

I looked at this man and he appeared to be upset and was ‘explaining gestures’ to his wife. I think she suggested he’d had enough and he should leave which he did.

This is the bit that makes my blood run cold. His wife KNOWS and she runs a nursery.

As a child we always holidayed in my parents home country, I spent a lot of time with my cousin Angie who was a few years older than me, on my last visit as a teenager she had a boyfriend, Barry, who gave me the creeps. He never touched me but he made my skin crawl.

Fast forward 20 years and I am visiting with my husband and three children including my 6 year old daughter. My mother warned me against going off with Angie and leaving the children with Barry. I questioned her and she had been told by another cousin that here had been incidents with Barry and young girls in the family.

The holiday passed without incident until the last night when after putting the children in the car, my daughter was in her car seat in the middle of the back seat with her older brothers either side of her, another cousin wanted to show us something a few yards away in the garden, while we were there we heard a terrible screeching. We ran back to the car and Barry had reached into the car and taken our daughter out; the screaming was Angie telling him to put her back. My husband took her off him, put her back in the car and we left. What stayed with me more than anything else was Angie's screaming, it was like nothing I've ever heard. She KNEW. My daughter was unharmed and not at all bothered, Barry had come out of the house, reached into the car and started tickling her then taken her out of the car.

I have no doubt at all that the OP was correct in her suspicions of this man and that his wife knows.

I have never experienced abuse but I did have a creepy Uncle who would keep asking me to sit on his knee ... I was 10 and not into sitting on anyone,s knee so I told him no thanks!

That's chilling Polly. The psychology of what makes a non-abusive woman stay with someone she knows to be a child abuser must be very complicated and messy

I was that little girl sitting on a priest’s knee, at age 4/5. He’s now in jail. Not for that, but for paedophilia. I wonder how many people turned a blind eye to what they saw... my parents included.

I think if you speak to anyone else and they say "that's the way he is" etc. Tell them that this man's personal boundaries around children is not appropriate, it isn't OK to touch children intimately (ear stroking) and just because he's always overstepped personal space doesn't make it right.
State overtly that with a wife that runs a nursery (or works in), he needs to keep his touching in check, or it will have serious consequences.

You've done all you can for now, but "he's like that" wouldn't wash as an excuse with me. He needs to be told that his personal boundaries are not appropriate, especially with children he doesn't know.

OMG he sounds like the old pedo who used to frequent the timeshare hotel i spent few summers working at in my late teens..problemwas he was widowed&lived on the island for years&freinds with hotel manager&everyone knew him as a religious guy in this v catholic country ..but he used to get into the pool after he'd had a few(i was waitstaff on poolbar)&start accidentally bumping into kids-playing tag&offering to buy ice creams..it was nuts-today it wouldve been called out as noncery.Ur deffo right to be suss.id say something,anything..sounds like an incident waiting to happen.

How did he react when you took his hand off your son?

@TheMistressQuickly
I couldn’t look at him first of all, I would’ve lost my shit.
I was very shocked by what I saw and I emotionally froze.
I moved my son away towards my DH who was just getting up to come over.
I said ‘what the fuck?
My DH said ‘he’s been creeping me out all night, did you see the way he held that girl on his lap?

After this conversation I looked over at him, that’s when I saw him & his wife in deep conversation. He was gesturing with his hands in an explaining way. He looked like he was being told off.
A few minutes later he was gone and I didn’t see him again all night

His wife obviously knows what he’s like and is enabling this behaviour.

I feel sick. You’ve done the right thing x

@Sunflowers11
I have a friend who works for the police, she suggested I call it in.
Although it doesn’t seem like a crime has been committed he did touch my son without being asked to in a very sensual way which is illegal.

There is no doubt that the way he touched my son is not appropriate towards a child. It might not result in him even being spoken to.

But the 101 operator seemed to agree that it’s creepy. She is passing the info over to the relevant team.
I may hear from someone I may not.

Good for you OP. You’ve done the right thing.

You’ve done the right thing

Well done, I think you did the right thing too