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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I tell someone what I saw?

119 replies

Wetwashing00 · 11/08/2019 08:36

Do you ever meet someone and instantly feel creeped out?
This has happened at a function last night.
The man I met is married to my friends Aunt, he seemed all very normal until later in the night once he’d had a few.
He was hanging out with the kids a lot, swinging them around the dance floor & chasing them.
Everyone seemed to think it was hilarious and he was great with them.
I saw a young girl on his lap during the night, she was maybe 7 yrs old.
She was struggling to get off and he was holding her hard onto him so she couldn’t get away.
I felt weird, it looked pervy.

Immediately after she got off and ran away, I noticed his hand was around my sons shoulder and he was stroking his ear lobe.
I was crouched in front of my son whilst he was holding a baby.
I pulled his hand and flung it off.
I never said anything to him and I didn’t look at him, I just took my son away.
My partner was sitting at the next table, he got up and came over. He had been watching and said the man had been doing things like that to most of the kids all night and he felt uneasy.

I looked at this man and he appeared to be upset and was ‘explaining gestures’ to his wife. I think she suggested he’d had enough and he should leave which he did.
Should I say anything to someone?
My friend?
The host?
Or just leave it all?
I probably won’t ever see him again.
But I have been overthinking a lot, his wife runs a children’s nursery

OP posts:
Witchend · 11/08/2019 09:30

No. I wouldn't speak to the host. Speak to the police first.

It could be the final piece of the jigsaw that slots in and they have enough concerns to go and look. If you speak to the host, they might go and talk to him/his wife giving him time to get rid of stuff and destroy evidence.

Look up your local MASH team-should be on the council website. There should be a 24 hour help line. Phone that and speak to them.

Original poster
Wetwashing00 · 11/08/2019 09:35

I had to get his name before I call anyone else.

I’ve spoken to the host, she thanked me for letting her know.
I also have a police friend I will ask for advice on who to ‘report’

OP posts:
MzHz · 11/08/2019 09:38

Brilliant! Well done you! You’re doing the right thing!

PeoniesarePink · 11/08/2019 09:43

The fact he was so brazenly doing this would worry me significantly.

I'd report it to 101 once I'd found out his name, and let them decide how to deal with it. Nothing will probably happen but at least it's there on file should he get more bold in future Sad.

Benjispruce · 11/08/2019 09:48

I would definitely speak to the parents of the girl on his lap. Why was she struggling to get away? He could have been sitting there with an erection for all you know. That girl could be confused and need to talk.
I work with children. My mantra is that we do not know and cannot guess but we can report what we see. You are not responsible for what happens next but we are all responsible for safeguarding ALL children.

CharityConundrum · 11/08/2019 09:54

I don't think you can say anything. He didn't actually do anything wrong, did he?

Making children feel uncomfortable with unwelcome physical contact is wrong.

Benjispruce · 11/08/2019 09:58

Always act if a child might be being harmed.
To ignore is to condone. Child safeguarding is everybody’s business.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 11/08/2019 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeppaNotPig · 11/08/2019 10:14

Please speak to the little girls parents.

saffy1234 · 11/08/2019 10:16

They do do this they act brazenly and when confronted act like the victim.
Rotten old perve,you have done the right thing OP x

whatsleep · 11/08/2019 10:19

Your definitely done the right thing

MaisieDaisy1 · 11/08/2019 10:23

Please ring crime stoppers. It is anonymous and you can never be traced as being the reporting person. I feel his behaviour is definitely strange and needs flagging up. Alternatively you could ring children’s social care with your concerns, especially given that his wife runs a nursery. Please don’t just leave.

Oakmaiden · 11/08/2019 10:27

You know his wife runs a day nursery.

That may be somewhere to start...

saffy1234 · 11/08/2019 10:32

It always seems unbelievable that people would act like that in plain sight but they do.
I had an incident in McDonald's a few years back.Lone man sat there with a happy meal chatting to a mum alone with her toddler -and son.Offered to take her son to the loo for her.She thankfully declined.When she went he moved onto me and my friend and our children ,trying to talk to us,leaning over to offer my daughter a napkin whilst my other daughter got a face full of his crotch i snatched it off him and told him to back the fuck off.He sat there muttering .The final straw was my then 12 year old so asking for the loo my som got up and the perve followed him i chased after him but my son was outside the ladies waiting for me ,this man was telling him he should use the males.This then escalated into a slanging match i told him i was on to him he was really aggressive back,didn't like being rumbled.A year or so later he was in the newspaper for historical sex crimes against children.

Benjispruce · 11/08/2019 10:42

saffy thank god you were on to him!

Lilymossflower · 11/08/2019 10:44

Tell everyone

EVERYONE

Being quiet and unsure is what allows these predators to continue

CorBlimeyGovenor · 11/08/2019 10:47

When I was younger I was friends with a great guy who was always soo much fun! His wife ran a stable yard where many teen girls including myself kept ponies. Brilliant with kids. All good fun. Blatantly adored his step children. Was super cool. Treated us teenagers like grown ups (bought us sneaky drinks at the pub, cracked hilarious (rude) jokes. He was later accused of molesting/raping his stepchildren! We could not believe it. He was just a fun guy. His step kids enjoyed being around him. Nothing esp creepy about him. I offered to be a character witness at his trial. I was 16 and had hung around with him loads on my own. ... Later, when I became a parent I looked back and reflected upon my utter naivety. The cool and hilarious gifts that he given to us included penis shaped soap in a ropes (we were 9-11 at the time). He was having an affair with an 18 year. He used to take me out horse trekking with him. His 'witty hilarious' jokes had included "if you're ever hard up, I'm hard up" implying that he'd pay me for sex (I was 15-16 at the time). I felt like such a fool and awful for not believing his kids and defending him. He was my friend. And besides which, 'surely he wouldn't have carried on tickling, chasing and playing with kids' in front of everyone else! The reality was that he was hiding in plain sight under the persona of harmless fun uncle type figure. He was prosecuted and imprisoned. That leaving Neverland documentary was a complete eye opener for me! It was absolutely spot on about how abuse can happen,how people can be taken in and how abuse isn't always how people think it is. We have stereotypes about how paedophiles act and prey on children, with the assumption that the children will always fear or dislike their perpetrators.

This chap may well just have been larking about and had too much to drink. But his behaviour has raised a lot of red flags for me. I would ring the NSPCC for advice. They are very sensible. They may suggest that you contact your council's safeguarding team so that they can run checks on him (especially if his wife owns a nursery). They may just keep a discrete note on file. He might never know of this. I would be highly surprised if the whole process wasn't kept anonymous, in order to encourage people to come fed with information.

Be brave. Do the right thing. Then you have a clear conscience. If he has nothing to hide, then he has nothing to worry about.

placemats · 11/08/2019 10:49

Trust your instincts on this. You are doing the right thing OP and YANBU at all.

I too trusted my instinct with my daughter when she went to a Judo class and was very upset after. She never went back, I wouldn't allow her. Low and behold the teacher actually came to my door a week later to ask me why she wasn't returning! It was most creepy. I never even asked for a refund.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 11/08/2019 10:53

P.s.definitely don't speak to the host or anyone else that was there. If guilty he could destroy computer evidence, buy mostly formulate a very believable story in which his is the victim and you the evil false accuser. And I don't think that you need to contact the police either. The NSPCC or local council should really be your first port of call.

Original poster
Wetwashing00 · 11/08/2019 11:08

The girl is his granddaughter I have since learned

OP posts:
TheFastandCurious · 11/08/2019 11:09

3 years ago I came on here because I was concerned about a teacher at a school I volunteered at. (Different username) Girl sitting on lap unnecessarily, camera being brought in on ‘swimwear fun’ days.

I got my arse handed to me on a plate. I got, ‘no wonder so few men go into primary tracing with paranoid witch hunters like you OP’

Guess who’s in prison for abusing primary school girls?

Trust. Your. Instinct.

TheFastandCurious · 11/08/2019 11:10

teaching not tracing Hmm

themouldneverbotheredmeanyway · 11/08/2019 11:10

I think reporting what you saw to the police or other official body is the correct thing to do. They can decide what conclusions to draw from it. If we only reported when we witnessed actual abuse taking place, there would be far fewer convictions.

Original poster
Wetwashing00 · 11/08/2019 11:11

There is no way I could speak to the girls parents, as it’s now known that he is the father to one of them. I couldn’t tell them their dads horseplay made me uncomfortable.

That’s what it may have looked like to everyone else.

I have spoken to police friend who has suggested ‘logging’ it with 101.
The host doesn’t know that I’m thinking of speaking to police

OP posts:
Nottheduchess · 11/08/2019 11:17

What about Sarahs Law? If you find out his name, could you ask about him in regards Sarahs Law? Not that it would show up anything if he isn’t on the register .

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