At in laws want to get out of here

[flappi]

I know they don’t like me . Been here for about 4 hours . Feels like forever. Wish I didn’t have to be here .

They want partner to live closer to them but he doesn’t want to , in fact he moved further away

Honestly? They don’t like you anyway. Stop this ridiculous behaviour!

Also, a 2 yr old 6 hr in the car? There’s your excuse, it’s insane! Tell them to come to you

If they come they determine the hours .

Last time they wanted to get here for 8.30am . I was horrified at the prospect of an entire day with them . But you are all right I am bringing this all on my self . I will tell my partner I’m not going there for a while now .

Your boyfriend won’t go if you don’t but refuses to justify himself? Nah. Refuse to go, just laugh and say ‘nah you’re alright, they clearly have no interest in me, you take our daughter and enjoy yourselves’. There is no point in you martyring yourself for these weirdos, they’re welcome to see your kid whenever suits, no need for the drama, opt out.

What's wrong with the weather, flappi? It's been quite breezy here today but generally fine.

I hope by now you've long gone from your in laws but, seriously are they that bad? I haven't read the whole thread yet so you may have explained what is wrong about them already.

Too much to explain but they don’t like me . Controlling example ... they needed web links to the houses we were going to view when we were looking for a house .

Like every single house .

It's odd that your husband won't see his parents on his own, I understand he likes you with him, you, he and your daughter are a 'unit' and I expect that boosts him a bit but, still, he should consider your feelings. It's a lot of travelling!

Me and my husband often saw parents on our own and together, it was nice and they liked it but we did all like each other and got on quite well. I don't know how I would have felt if any of them had lived very far away (his parents were ten minutes and my mother twenty minutes, away from us by car so not a long journey). I'd find the travelling very tiring and would probably want to stay the night. I expect you can't bear the thought of staying over there but if they live somewhere really nice, you could make a trip of it and go out somewhere that will interest your daughter, together. If they live in a small house or flat, there must be a b&b nearby which would make it into even more of a holiday.

Why don't his parents like you? I wonder if you just have a 'feeling' about this; it's possibly they are not as at ease with you as they would like. Relationships can be tricky to negotiate.

We did get along until my daughter was born and we didn’t want to spend every two to three weekends at my partners parents house .
That’s when they started saying things about me . And when I suppose they don’t like me . Slated to all extended family . Pulling faces at me behind my back .Complaining about me to him behind my back etc .’ Shes like this she’s like that etc .

There’s honestly no need for any of this shit, stop fuelling their theatrics, don’t participate, your boyfriend can visit his relatives whenever he feels the need, it’s nothing to do with you, enjoy your life and don’t allow this nonsense to continue

Thanks . Sounds like a plan

You can even say to DH that you don't want to hear anything about their whining messages. He knows the score now, you will not go, he is welcome to take DD and visit, you don't need to hear about their collective dramatics given it has bugger all to do with you any more.

Is he apologetic for putting you through that today?

@flappi
Pulling faces at me behind my back .Complaining about me to him behind my back etc .’ Shes like this she’s like that etc

^ this is why your DP won’t go without you. He loves you and doesn’t want to listen to that as you’re not with him.

Put your foot down, from now on, your DP and DD come first, not them! “DP can’t drive 6 hrs tonight, he’s been driving all week!.....DD is too young and fidgety in the car seat for 6hrs..... meet us at XYZ at XX o’clock, see you then, bye” end of message/conversation

They sound extremely controlling and manipulative. Have a read of this: Toxic In-Laws

Sounds like he has found some coping strategies in the past (avoiding calls, avoiding visiting) but these are now rebounding on you.

When you have a healthy, functional relationship with your own parents it's very difficult to understand the fear and guilt that comes from a toxic one.

Your DP might also benefit from reading through the "But we took you to Stately Homes" threads on the Relationships board.

He didn’t apologise but he bought me some things I needed . Was just being particularly sweet .

I woke up so glad to be home . Have just decided to enjoy the rest of the day with my family

He’s decided to take us out for lunch today x

I would seriously block them. Then it's completely up to your dp to organise them. Then when it's organised say your not going. If he wants to cancel that's up to him.

They sound very toxic and controlling, like others have mentioned it might be a good idea to read toxic inlaws by Susan Forward

I'm sure my PIL blame me for how little they see their son. I really don't care. I know that they need look no further than a mirror for the reason their son doesn't see them very often and who they choose to blame isn't going to change that. In the meantime they're too stubborn to realise that the more they blame me the further they drive him away. Ironic really.

It's not your job to facilitate a relationship between your DH and his parents OP. Don't be guilt tripped into thinking it is.

And this sort of caper with in laws is just one of the reasons I'm very glad I'm no longer married to exh.
Jesus, the interminable weekends and bloody holidays with his family. They hated me for no reason and yet I was still expected to pay court to them. Until I had enough and said no. The relief!

Oh god . They tried to make us go on holiday with them. But I said no . That wasn’t very popular either .

I think if you'd said yes your dp would have changed his mind. It's easier to blame you.

flappi
We did get along until my daughter was born and we didn’t want to spend every two to three weekends at my partners parents house .
That’s when they started saying things about me . And when I suppose they don’t like me . Slated to all extended family . Pulling faces at me behind my back .Complaining about me to him behind my back etc .’ Shes like this she’s like that etc .
--

That's awful. I realise people do talk to their relatives about other relatives but it isn't nice, particularly about the mother of their grandchild.

My mother and mother in law did that sometimes, I found out as you do but I addressed it. I told them it was unfair, if they have anything to say they should say it to me and they wouldn't like it if I did it about them. They took that on board. I also refused to get into gossip with them about any other family members. However I never actually thought they didn't like me because of that, just that everyone has a moan sometimes and occasionally it's a bit much.

I didn't notice when I looked at your thread previously but now that I have, I must say the idea of them arriving on your doorstep at 8.30am is appalling! I wouldn't even be dressed then if I wasn't going to work and I like a gentle start to the day. Insist they come at lunch time and maybe you can go out to a family friendly restaurant for lunch, that would be something pleasant to look forward to.

You do have to be firm though. Lots of people have similar problems but if you are straightforward, it can be sorted.

Good luck, .

Oh I did say no about them coming at 8.30 in the morning . They went bananas and threatened not to come at all .

Because we asked them to come for about 11 ....