At in laws want to get out of here

[flappi]

I know they don’t like me . Been here for about 4 hours . Feels like forever. Wish I didn’t have to be here .

I'm fairly immune to this crap now, I pat husbands leg and say we need to go now as we have to get back for the dog/ have an early start tomorrow/ have homework to do/ need to pop in and feed neighbours cat. I then gather my stuff and leave. If my in-laws were 3 hours away I would be going twice a year at the most.

I’d love to not go . But he won’t go without me. and I know they will blame me
So they already dont like you, so what if they blame you.
He is a grown adult, let him choose to visit or not. Is it possible that he only visits because you tell him to?

God I don’t tell him to visit . He gets all this telephone abuse from his parents that goes on about how they haven’t seen their granddaughter !!! Basically guilt tripping . That they need to see their grandchild blah blah

And yes fellow mumsnetters he won’t go without me . I’ve tried to make him . He won’t .

You dh sounds like a giant child. How old is he?

Are you still there? Will DD sleep in the car at least?

I have been there but seriously you need to put your foot down, your daughter sounds very young- you should have left several hours ago if you intend making it to an 8.30am dance class (seriously who organises dance class for that time on a Sunday anyway). Tell your husband it’s time to go and put your daughter in the car. Say goodbye, awkward hug, then relax.

If your husband hates visiting and your in-laws hate you, then why are you facilitating contact and putting yourself and your husband through hell. When my children were small and we were in contact with my in-laws, we would invite them over to us. That way we could control when our little ones got fed/ went to bed. Could you at least take it time about? Your in-laws visit one time, then you visit the next time? Clearly this can’t continue as your daughter gets older, she will have school/ activities and will need her bed. If you take it time about and you not visit every three months could you book into a premier inn/ travel lodge? That way you can break the trip up so you are not driving six hours in a day- and your in-laws can spend more time with your in-laws and your husbands grandparents.

Hve you left yet?

Excuse the typos- brain fog-

We r leaving now

Do you want your daughter to grow up seeing you be a total pushover for everyone else's wishes and never putting yourself first?

As she gets older she'll notice how you allow yourself to be treated.

It’s funny u say that .

She acted really strange when her dad popped to the car to get some things and we were alone with the in laws .

Really clingy . Wouldn’t let me go . The. As soon as her dad came back she was fine .

I don’t know if she sensed I was sad ?

It's extremely common, men who don't want to spend time alone with their own parents and take family, ie wife partner, child as a buffer.

One wonders whether posters who hog these threads with the same banal crap ever actually read them!?

But he won’t go without me. and I know they will blame me .

Yep, I had this exact experience. Then I realised it doesn’t matter if they blame me, I don’t care. They don’t like me anyway. It’ll be exactly the same except I won’t have to see them!

I’ve told partner I’m not seeing them anymore as they treat me like crap and after a bit of discussion, it’s been agreed. Oh the relief is immense!

Why don't you meet them half way ish?

Op the trap your in is very common.

They dislike you but your the one actually trying to facilitate contact.. The day will come when you don't care what they think of you and you will stop bothering. You can't win. They will blame you for the shit relations with their own son. Yet your the one keeping things going and then they ignore you, so they know or appreciate what your doing anyway.

It's sad isn't it but very common!

I realised it doesn’t matter if they blame me, I don’t care. They don’t like me anyway. It’ll be exactly the same except I won’t have to see them!

This exactly!

cat same here!

Immense relief, untied from these invisible chains. Absolved from duty after decades of facilitating contact, buying gifts, suggesting we see them all to be spoken to like crap! No more!!

Dh can't stand them and doesn't see them hardly ever now.

I'm guessing that they aren't particularly nice to him either, so he doesn't want to go and see them without you - perhaps he needs you for moral support.

At least they are far enough away that you don't have to endure them more often.

I think your DD knows they feel hostile towards you and that you can’t leave without him.
Just let your DH get on with it in future and visit by himself. Your relationship is with him, not his family. Sounds like you owe them nothing p

God I don’t tell him to visit . He gets all this telephone abuse from his parents that goes on about how they haven’t seen their
granddaughter !!! Basically guilt tripping . That they need to see their grandchild blah blah

And yes fellow mumsnetters he won’t go without me . I’ve tried to make him . He won’t

The phone thing, just put on voicemail for their numbers, then once a week or however often listen and reply if needed.
The visits, you dont enable that. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
If he wont go, they wont think worse of you. And honestly who cares if they think your a witch, you wont have to see them ever.

Tell him now that you won't be going back for x months, if he wants to do more he's welcome.

Tell him you expect him to come with you to your parents from now on as that's what he wants from you. If he disagrees then say fine, you see your parents alone.

Bit I wouldn’t expect him to . That would be wierd now !!

They seriously leave him alone . They never expect any of his time whatsoever .