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Original poster

To be worried that my daughter will get fat if left to her own devices?

76 replies

narisha99 · 10/08/2019 15:13

I am worried about DD10 and her love of junk food, white carbs and anything sweet! She is tall for her age, has started puberty and has always been a solid build. She is not overweight but, is very close to becoming overweight and I fear that as she gets older and I naturally have less control over what she eats (ie when a teen and out with friends) that she would easily become overweight.

At the moment I am able to control / limit her food and can push her in the direction of healthy eating and making good choices. BUT she is always pining for the bad choices and given any chance to indulge (ie at a party, buffett restaurant etc when left to her own devices) she heads straight for the less healthy options etc.

My goal is to change her mindset so that she understands and wants to eat healthily through her own choice, not because I said so. But I don't seem to be able to do that!

She also seems to constantly be asking / thinking / wanting food irrespective of what she has actually consumed

I have tried to explain it and educate her but clearly I am not getting it right.

(For context, my older DC has no problem with eating sensibly, healthy and knowing their limits)

Any recommendations for resources that I could use with her? Or ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
happyasasandboy · 10/08/2019 15:17

I have no idea, but am in the same situation. Though my DD, who is 8 years old, is already overweight. She is tall, but has a large tummy and is now starting to get boobs (and I have no way to know whether it is fat or breast tissue or whether it matters).

My daughter has all the same food options as her two brothers, both of whom are as skinny and lean as whippets. She is active, though probably now moves less than the boys because she finds it harder Sad

CSIblonde · 10/08/2019 15:24

I think all you can do is up her exercise but not stress it's a weight driven thing or it could lead to ED territory: & make sure the junk options she likes aren't in the house. My friend had same with her teen. She started her doing climbing & swim aerobics with her mate & stopped buying the crap. She's now lost the stone in weight & looks amazing. And the boredom snacking & obsession with sweets has stopped.

allthegins · 10/08/2019 15:28

I know for a fact my DS will get fat when he’s older. Would eat non stop if I let him. He has autism and it’s a sensory thing I think.

Spandang · 10/08/2019 15:32

My mum controlled and limited what I ate. I used to eat in secret. When staying with family I used to gorge myself. I ended up being really overweight until I left home. Just be careful what you wish for, education is fine, enjoying exercise is fine, but controlling and limiting foods is dangerous, you are making it scarce, forbidden and desirable as a result.

BarbariansMum · 10/08/2019 15:40

Well of course the OP controls and limits junk food and sweets @spandang Confused Do you really think she should offer McDonalds or pizza every night, put out a selection of chocolate bars and fill the freezer with ice cream and cheesecake so that these sorts of food are not seen as forbidden?

Bezalelle · 10/08/2019 15:45

controlling and limiting foods is dangerous

It's not, though. It's the way to keep her DD healthy.

Butchyrestingface · 10/08/2019 15:47

Does she drink fizzy drinks, OP?

These are my Waterloo. I find however when I manage to cut them out for any length of time my appetite is naturally suppressed and I don’t crave sugary/carby shite as much.

madyogafan · 10/08/2019 15:52

My dd was the same but always a healthy weight at home as she ate well with us and was also very active.

She's gained over 6 stone in 6 years since she left home and I'm finding it very difficult. Weight is still going up year on year.

Don't know what the answer is.......

LaVieilleHarpie · 10/08/2019 15:57

Nope OP, your DD won't develop an eating disorder just cause you limit her empty calories. Eating disorders aren't as common as certain people would like you to believe. OTOH, not making certain foods 'forbidden' is precisely how we ended up with 2/3 of adult UK population becoming overweight or obese. No point in scaremongering about anorexia when most of our adults are quite frankly fat.

Poochandmutt · 10/08/2019 15:59

I’m fat
Husband thin
3 kids always thin
4th kid ..oh god .a mini me
Before I had my 4 th child I could have junk in the house ,
no one was fussed ,there it sat .
4 th child has autism and seems to need to chew all the time ,camhs say don’t worry ( among other things) .but how can you not?

Muddlingalongalone · 10/08/2019 16:00

Looking for tips too. @happyasasandboy has just described my 8 year old dd1. The saving grace is she loves being sporty, so I'm hoping eventually the penny will drop whilst not having junk in house and reducing portion sizes.
Dd2 is younger but has a natural in built stop signal & affinity with fruit and never sits down.

AsTheWorldTurns · 10/08/2019 16:00

My 13 year old was a slightly chubby 10 year old, and has always been a big eater.

Our way of dealing with it was being matter of fact (rather than delicate) so that we could avoid any suggestion of it being an 'issue' and this worked well for us (he's a boy and I accept it might be trickier with a girl). We just said: 'If you continue to eat like that, you're going to get fat and you'll find it hard to lose weight', no dwelling on it and onto the next subject.

He's now reached the age of vanity, a big rugby player, lost five pounds this summer through training and is very happy with the results. He's still a big eater but he's become a good self-regulator.

ysmaem · 10/08/2019 16:02

Maybe try not to buy and bring any junk food into the house and only have healthy snacks available for her to munch on? Make it a rule that junk, sweet treats are only to be consumed on weekends (that's a rule I grew up with)

EffYouSeeKaye · 10/08/2019 16:06

Don’t have high calorie low nutrition snacks in the house and teach her to cook with lots is fresh and healthy ingredients. Look through recipe books together, meal plan and get her involved with shopping and budgeting. These skills will mean she doesn’t have to buy crap food to get by when she is an independence adult and will have all the skills she needs to keep a healthy weight.

Encourage her to be active every day with things she enjoys - fresh air, walks, team games etc to build good exercise habits.

What she does then is up to her.

Sexnotgender · 10/08/2019 16:07

Can you try and get her to up her water intake? She’s maybe mistaking thirst for hunger.
Do you model good eating habits?

habibihabibi · 10/08/2019 16:14

OP I posted last week with the same concerns for my 9.5yr old son. I got some great advice.
I am quite strict on what I buy but am really overhauling the whole families diet and portions and planning to up the easy physical exercise for everyone. We live in the Middle East so not easy over summer.

We talked about calories and burning them with activity. At ten, I think they should have already broached this in school at least scientifically.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/3652417-Overweight-child

Minxmumma · 10/08/2019 16:18

Rather than be stuck on the food issue can you increase her activity levels to compensate while you gently nudge her the right way.
With regards to the food gentle persistence yes, dogged badgering could lead to an eating disorder or issues with her self image. My middle dd was always rather given to chubbiness, now she is a lean mean 17yo car mechanic, eats for England all day every day and never gains a pound.

Get her cooking dinners, nutritious snacks that she will enjoy. It's a bit like having a fussy toddler, push to hard and she'll dig in.

joystir59 · 10/08/2019 16:23

Fil the house with fruit and veg and healthy stuff and stop buying junk. Do not give her any pocket money do she can't buy Gregg's/McDonalds etc on the way home from school.

StarlightIntheNight · 10/08/2019 16:23

I think many kids are like this. They need to learn to stop when full and not eat out of boredom. My dc would both eat all day long if I let them I think. They constantly want to snack. I limit their food when I think they have had enough...as in I will say no more. Its mainly the snacking I limit. During main meals, I let them eat what they want and I encourage them saying there will be NO snacks after dinner so eat now as there will be nothing else later. Otherwise, they won't eat much dinner and then 30 mins later claim they are hungry and want a snack!

Both my kids are slim and thin build (like me a dh). We instil good habits in them, such as exercise, walking etc. We spend hours in the park together as a family. We make sure to run around w the dog, or a ball, hit the tennis ball. Make being active fun. They also see us going to the gym (dh weekly)...me not as much lol. But they have seen me do dance class etc. So they see exercise is good and as a part of life. We also don't have sodas in the house or crips etc. We only let them eat crisps if its at a party or for example if we are traveling...they can have crisps on the plane while watching the iPad (anything for peace during travels!!! lol). They always drink water. Juice is a treat, they get only at parties or maybe special occasions. Even if we go to restaurants, they usually just get water. Even with the children meals that always offer ice cream and juice w the meal...we don't always accept it. We just say we will take water instead and no ice-cream.

Goldenbear · 10/08/2019 16:25

My DD is 8 and I am worried as she has a very sweet tooth. The trouble is she is very thin so I end up giving in and letting her have certain things as I'm worried she will just go without. I got fed up of this today as yet again she refused any lunch options. She likes rainbows and my friend is having a similar problem suggested this chart - eat a rainbow. We then watched a Ted talk by Jamie Oliver it was from 2010 but still my DD was quite pleased that she knew the names of all the vegetables and the American children on the clip didn't know any of them. I said to her that the important thing was to eat them not just know them. She then said thy she wasn't fat at all so why did she need to worry. I said how you can be fat on the inside and this is very dangerous. My DD is a literal child and has taken all this in and has just eaten a pasta salad! Something similar might help?

NotWavingButMNing · 10/08/2019 16:26

I agree with AsTheWorldTurns.
She's ten years old and will know what obesity means, probably knows friends who are overweight. You could tip toe around this for years until it's a real problem.
Don't pussy foot around, tell her that her food choices will make her fat. Not today perhaps but soon, unless she works with you to learn how to make healthier choices.

Yabbers · 10/08/2019 16:28

Rather than be stuck on the food issue can you increase her activity levels to compensate while you gently nudge her the right way.

I have a similar worry about DD but her disability makes this part difficult.

bigKiteFlying · 10/08/2019 16:28

I think you encourage healthy options and exercise, discourage snacking though not to point that it’s an issue with others so they feel they are missing out and calories in drinks - though we do milk still – and don’t forbid foods but have unhealthy options in small amounts preferably as part of a meal and let it go at other times like parties when it’s out of your control.

I worry about my two of mine – other one seems to self-regulate much better.

They aren’t into sport but we walk a lot – benefit of not driving – so they are active – well younger two at least and everytime I have been worried about them they have shot up.

Rory786 · 10/08/2019 16:28

My dd aged 7, adores our dentist and wants to hear the words Oh what sparkly teeth, good job!

This affects her eating, she will really think about sugar (most of the time!) and not snacking too much between meals to "give her teeth a rest".

For her, and her younger sisters the worst thing will be having a cavity or a tooth pulled out.

Holibobsing · 10/08/2019 16:29

I am place marking and will look at habibihabibi's thread.

My DD is 13 and obsessed with the word 'food' , as are most of her peers. We are now in a world where our kids are used to being in Starbucks, waffle bars, dessert shops aimed at kids. It is everywhere all of the time.When they're not eating, it's on Instagram!

I have every sympathy narisha99. Your first paragraph was my daughter at 10. My elder daughter herself wanted to stay slim so could leave sugar alone. Dd2 can not.

One continuation ; get a blood test to rule out vitamin deficiency or low iron.