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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a 5 month old on a girls' weekend to Paris

714 replies

Patapouf · 10/08/2019 12:53

Has anyone done this and has tips to make it less stressful? I know the baby will get nothing out of it but I am not ready to leave him at home with DH for 2 nights just yet and I'm desperate to make the most of mat leave.

Travelling by Eurostar, probably stay in an Airbnb. Planning a bit of sightseeing but mainly mooching about, sitting in cafés and stocking up on skincare and food or maybe not having seen the value of the pound Grin

Friends will be hands on and help as much as they can but I'm very anxious that it will be disastrous. Baby is BF (not going well), but mostly EBM so worrying about the logistics of expressing or BF out and about. I also can't imagine trying to manoeuvre a pram on the narrow pavements. I know babies live in Paris, I did too once, but I'm a worrier.

Can I make this work? How can I pack light?

I suppose my AIBU should really be how can I be less nervous about travelling with a baby?

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 10/08/2019 17:27

You can do your own thing op but you can’t whilst on holiday with sole charge of a baby or toddler. It’s your new reality.

Branleuse · 10/08/2019 17:27

Can you go for one night without baby?

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 10/08/2019 17:28

OP - AIBU? Most posters - yes

OP - throws a toddler strop!

LonelyGir1 · 10/08/2019 17:30

No-one wants your baby to go along too. Is he your first?

Maybe re-schedule for another time?

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:32

To everyone saying the baby should stay at home with DH:

  • how old was your PFB the first time you left him/her for two nights with the other parent?

-were you BF still at that point?

I don't express BM for fun, it's what I have to do to make sure DS can still be breastfed. He prefers to latch to feed but struggles to do so. Yes, DH can make sure he is not hungry, but I don't think it's a good idea for DS do have to have EBM for 2 days in a row when we are trying to move away from bottles.

Am I alone in thinking 5 months is still pretty young? I consider DH an equal parent but that doesn't change the fact that I am the primary care giver and DS is with me most of the time.

OP posts:
TanMateix · 10/08/2019 17:32

I know it seems as if they are just being polite but I don't think that's the case, they are actively trying to persuade me to come and bring the baby. Neither of them have children (yet)

That’s the thing, they are not aware of the restrictions that come along if you bring baby with you. I have travelled with DS since he was very young and I found it faaaaar easier to travel with him on my own and enjoy myself than trying to fit his routines into childfree friends’ expectations. Typical one is when your baby still has to feed for another 20 minutes but the tour/show/whatever is about to start or when you need to stop to feed them at the time they want to rush to get to see whatever.

Now, if you can breast feed a baby in a sling as you walk... go for it.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 17:33

I agree it’s selfish. A baby will be much happier at home with familiar surroundings and routine

What bollocks!

What babies want most of all is their mother IME. My DC were perfectly happy to travel about with me at that age, but distressed to be left without me.

I can entertain the idea that there are some babies who prefer surroundings to people, but I'd bet good money they're the exception not the rule.

Lazydaisies · 10/08/2019 17:35

OP I honestly think you would get less blow back if you suggested sending him off to boarding school before you head off on your trip. Have you considered that?

CrotchetyQuaver · 10/08/2019 17:35

If your friends are ok with it I don't see why not, if they're politely meh about it then I wouldn't go. I'd try and BF only if you do go, it will be so much less faff and stuff to take. Would a rucksack type carrier for the baby work?

CatteStreet · 10/08/2019 17:35

What's the rush? Why not go when the bf is less of an issue?

Mine all bf at night well into their second year (and beyond in the case of the younger two). I went away overnight for the first time with dc3 when she was nearly 2 (guessing it was similar with the older two but there was a big age gap so I can't remember exactly). By that time it was fine and dh could manage. I could go without feeling bad or worrying they wouldn't be coping. It just seems - sorry - a bit of a waste to drag baby with you on a trip like this.

Getting yourself/your life back doesn't mean having to do things before it works for either of you.

CatteStreet · 10/08/2019 17:35

I mean 'without dc3'. Obviously.

deleteandrewind · 10/08/2019 17:36

I think it's a really bad idea. It will alter the dynamic of a girl's weekend away and turn the baby into the full focus. That is just the nature of babies and small children, even older children to some extent.

I think your friends sound very kind but they probably don't realise the above as they don't have their own children.

I was the first of my friends to have children and I just turned down invitations as necessary when the children were small if necessary. That's just life with children. You can go if you feel more comfortable leaving him when he is older.

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:36

@LonelyGir1 I didn't realise you were one of my friends that's planning this trip? Do you speak on behalf of both of you?

At least I have had some really helpful tips, who knew pop up cots were a thing!

OP posts:
wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 17:37

Patapouf there really are some arseholes on this thread.

Please, please ignore them. AIBU is full of people who just want to have a go.

All this stuff about how your friends couldn't possibly want a baby there is nonsense and very narrow minded. You know your friends.

Personally I'd love my friend with a baby to come on a break with me. I'd love to get the chance to spend some time with her, to make her feel supported as a new mother, and to get a chance to have a cuddle with her lovely baby.

There are many MNers who don't like other people I think! Terrible hosts, they don't like people visiting at all as far as I can tell! It's probably why they're here so much!

(I've been here over a decade).

deleteandrewind · 10/08/2019 17:38

Yes, 5 months is young to leave a BF baby for two nights. I never did that personally.

berlinbabylon · 10/08/2019 17:39

Not RTFT but first reaction was blimey why would you even ask.

I would probably drop out if I were one of your friends and knew a baby was coming.

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 10/08/2019 17:39

My first was left with my mum & my dh as I was unwell - from around 3/4 weeks. I expressed. With the second she was left pretty much from the first week as I wasn’t well but more than the first time.

My first jolly with dh was at 4 months - with both of them. I also went away when they were around 6-9 months with friends. They coped.

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 17:39

Am I alone in thinking 5 months is still pretty young?

No, no you're not. Especially with a BF baby.

Remember, most UK mothers don't still exclusively BF their babies at 5 months, and so won't be relating to the fact that where you go, your baby goes!

I first left my BF baby with someone else for 3 hours when he was 5 months, to do something I'd arranged while pregnant, thinking 5 months sounded fine.

It was a big deal! I didn't do it again until my DS was 1 yo, and even then he cried all night, I found out later.

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:40

@wigglybluelines totally, DS just goes with the flow at the moment and I'm totally flexible around whether he wants to nap, eat, whatever. I figured a lack of routine would lend itself well to travel but maybe not. He is definitely most content when he is with me 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Lazydaisies or perhaps a cattery for the weekend Grin

OP posts:
wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 17:40

I would probably drop out if I were one of your friends and knew a baby was coming

I'm so grateful for my friends, and they they aren't like the people on this thread. Sheesh!

wigglybluelines · 10/08/2019 17:41

I travelled a fair bit with mine when they were little.

Do you use a sling? (Apologies if this has been covered up thread).

Slings are great, definitely consider a sling for day trips, so much less hassle than a buggy.

bouncingraindrops · 10/08/2019 17:43

Remember, most UK mothers don't still exclusively BF their babies at 5 months, and so won't be relating to the fact that where you go, your baby goes!

It's not a breastfeeding issue. It's about being aware that girls weekends in Paris are for the 'girls' to have break. Not to be led by someone else's baby.

It's a poor show to try and make this about UK breastfeeders. It's not.

SnuggyBuggy · 10/08/2019 17:44

I think the BF and the fact that it's a girls weekend are two issues. Travelling with a baby is one thing but it's unlikely to be compatible with a typical child free city break

Ijumpedtheshark · 10/08/2019 17:44

I think you’ll be fine, especially if you get to the point where you don’t need to express. I wouldn’t bother taking a pram, I’d just take a sling and carry him around with you. I took DS to Munich at a year and it was a dream as he was BF and loved his sling so would sleep in it as I walked about.

mintandcoral · 10/08/2019 17:44

Totally agree @wigglybluelines!!! My baby was much happier and more settled when with me- no matter what was going on around!

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