To take a 5 month old on a girls' weekend to Paris

[Patapouf]

Has anyone done this and has tips to make it less stressful? I know the baby will get nothing out of it but I am not ready to leave him at home with DH for 2 nights just yet and I'm desperate to make the most of mat leave.

Travelling by Eurostar, probably stay in an Airbnb. Planning a bit of sightseeing but mainly mooching about, sitting in cafés and stocking up on skincare and food or maybe not having seen the value of the pound

Friends will be hands on and help as much as they can but I'm very anxious that it will be disastrous. Baby is BF (not going well), but mostly EBM so worrying about the logistics of expressing or BF out and about. I also can't imagine trying to manoeuvre a pram on the narrow pavements. I know babies live in Paris, I did too once, but I'm a worrier.

Can I make this work? How can I pack light?

I suppose my AIBU should really be how can I be less nervous about travelling with a baby?

I think it sounds fine if your friends are ok with it, which it sounds as if they are. I haven’t got kids and if I was one of the friends in this situation I’d be happy for the baby to come along and happy/expecting to help out. If I wasn’t happy with it I would have said so during the planning stages. You don’t have to assume that good friends mean something other than what they say.

i don’t think you’d be unusual in not wanting to leave the baby. 5m is still tiny and I wouldn’t have wanted to leave mine for a whole weekend at that age but would have been fine after 9m or so. I honestly think you’d have a nicer time in a year’s time when you’d be more likely to appreciate a child free break and it’d feel like a massive luxury.

I’m currently sat in a darkened room with my 5m old as she is teething and couldn’t nap earlier because of the pain so she’s had a massive overtired screaming fit for an hour and now finally gone to sleep on me. This would be shit on a minibreak.

Your question was about how to be less nervous travelling with a baby.

How are you with public BFing? If you can get yourself into the state of mind that you don't care who's looking at you, then you and the baby will be less stressed on the journey as you'll be able to BF on demand.

Easier said than done though!

I used lots of double tops, pulling one down and one up, and carried a muslin cloth to put strategically on my boob (I have massive boobs!) if one was showing loads of flesh!

Being prepared for BFing in public spaces can really help.

Also, do you have a travel changing mat? They're great in an emergency, or if you're somewhere with no baby facilities in the toilets.

@bouncingraindrops this is absolutely a BF issue. The friends have asked the OP to come with them with her baby and loads of people on this thread are saying, just leave the BF baby behind as if that is an easy thing to do. It isn’t as has been explained again and again. Not going is an option, not bringing the baby is not an option but it keeps being raised.

Personally I would give this trip a miss and go when you are happy to leave the baby with your husband.

It's not a breastfeeding issue. It's about being aware that girls weekends in Paris are for the 'girls' to have break. Not to be led by someone else's baby.

It's a poor show to try and make this about UK breastfeeders. It's not

Yeah, right. So that's why everyone keeps telling a mother to leave an exclusively BF baby at home

And anyway, the OP asked for tips for travelling with a baby, not whether she should go!

It's got nothing to do with breastfeeding. OP does not want to leave her baby. That is perfectly fine and does not need explanation. Not wanting to leave the baby because of breastfeeding doesn't mean take the baby. It means don't go.

Op asked if she WBU to take the baby

So that's why everyone keeps telling a mother to leave an exclusively BF baby at home

Yes, more people making it about breastfeeding. It's not. As in the baby will NOT be left at home because OP does not want to leave the baby at home

@Userzzzzz yes, teething is definitely a concern.

I've been quite blunt with my friends and said that a happy baby is all well and good but if he's screaming the whole trip they certainly won't find it as enjoyable

I do have a sling, Moby wrap and an ergo baby 360. I think the ergo would be better for carrying him all day but maybe I'll invest in a lightweight pram for (all) future travel because I think it will be handy to be able to put him down!

I do really hope I won't be expressing by then, packing it all will probably fill a rucksack before I get near any other baby stuff.

I still think it's really interesting that posters are telling me off and think that I'm having a tantrum. My gut response was that there was no way I was going on this trip and I was preparing to be argued into going by AIBU 🤣

@wigglybluelines still a bit wobbly on public feeding but that's more to do with the fact he won't latch rather than me giving a shit about someone catching sight of my boob. It's getting easier now he's bigger and I'm hoping it will continue to do so now he has better head control etc

Have you seen those new-fangled expressing things that go under your clothes and you can walk about with them going?

I've never used them and I have no idea if they're even on the market yet, but I was dead impressed with the idea!

Do you know what I mean?

I think it would be very stressful for you, exhausting for your baby and not much fun for your friends!

I think it will be fine depending on a few things. Firstly being aware you may need to fold pram more than you expect and that some places are just not accessible with one really, so a sling may help.

You say friends will help but as we see on here time and time again, people see help differently. They may mean will hold baby while you quickly nip to the loo. They may not get up when baby does or help with nappies or anything. Can you manage entirely alone with an possibly unsettled baby.

If things do go a bit wrong are you happy for them to go out without you? If they decide they want to go out for dinner and baby is fast asleep, or restaurant says no babies after x time, are you okay to be left behind? If baby screams the place down and you have to wait outside, are you ok with that?

Will baby be covered under health insurance? This part I don't know as I don't have children myself.

Your friends may want to lie in too so you may be sitting around by yourself in the mornings.

None of these are insurmountable, but it is just a case of deciding what you can manage with and what you can't

Op asked if she WBU to take the baby

Yes, but she then went on to say:

Can I make this work? How can I pack light?

I suppose my AIBU should really be how can I be less nervous about travelling with a baby?

This is the kind of practical info the OP needs.

We've covered the "should I take the baby" bit now, don't you think?

Yes a PP mentioned them, there's a handsfree pump called Elvie which looks good but it's £££ and I've already spent hundreds on bloody equipment. There are freemies as well which attach to a pump but I'm not sure I can get hold of them in the UK.

Definitely seems like a sensible idea though, expressing with a double pump isn't very subtle!

It's a terrible idea, changes the whole dynamic, and no way on earth do your friends actively want a baby to be there. Just go when he's like 8 months and leave him at home with your partner?
Although how handy that both your pals are teetotal so there won't be any bars or late nights involved. And bed by 9pm too right? Uh huh. 🤔
I presume it's not a clothes shopping weekend as that will be kind of inconvenient for you too.
I've had a baby. I've been to Paris, lots. Paris is awesome. But bringing a young baby adds literally nothing to the party for you, your baby, or your friends. Why not just wait til he's a bit older and stopped breastfeeding?

Oh yes @Patapouf what if your baby wakes your friends at something hideous like 6sm? Or are your teetotal friends also really early risers too? 👍🏼

Sorry, 5am

So it was me who asked if he would be 7 months but see he will be 5 months. But actually that's not ideal either. My DD was sleeping through by 4 weeks then 4 month sleep regression hit and she didnt sleep for a month. Her sleep went back to normal but I wouldn't have liked to have been away from home on those 4 weeks

I find the number of people suggesting a mother leave her 5 month old baby overnight utterly bizarre.

Op - I personally would find that trip stressful, but that is my personality. Your baby will be just fine. If you feel up to it, go on your trip and have fun.

I think the main issue that people are having is that "girls' weekend" implies drunken clubbing, which of course would not be possible with a baby. A bit of shopping and eating lots of croissants is perfectly possible with a baby.
And in answer to your question, I left my breastfed 4 month old for an afternoon and evening with my incredibly competent, loving and hands on husband for my sister's hen night (obviously I wasn't going to miss that!) and he screamed the place down for 8 hours! But every baby is different. It is a breastfeeding thing because once the breastfeeding was less frequent I went out loads more.

@BarbedBloom I'm more than capable if I have to do everything by myself all weekend. The offers of help have been explicitly relating to hands on stuff rather than holding him so I can nip to the loo but I do not think it would be fair of me to expect this that really would be entitled

If i go, I'll be grateful for help just holding him whilst I express, or holding him so I can nip to the loo. I will have no problem if they don't want to do this. I definitely wouldn't expect them to get up during the night!
I'm quite content to spend time alone to give them some baby free time to actually relax, and I'm okay eating solo if they want a fancy dinner.

Travel insurance will cover us both.

Realistically, trips anywhere are the same as a day at home in that he needs to be fed, changed, entertained and to have naps. Doing this in Paris means it's a nicer, but possibly more stressful, environment.

I would agree with thr majority but I do have to add it takes some balls to want to take a child this age on your own to Paris. Most people wouldn't consider it, and you have to consider yourself alone, and not that your friends are there ro do lots of stuff for you.

If you think about the sheer logistics, from what you have to take, potential sleep issues, constant attention, possibly crying due to teething and s different environment, I'd never have considered this. It's just hassle for one person, so, so much hassle.

The two rules here are op, you need to prepare to care for you child alone, not be thinking your friends will step in and do it for you, and you need to prepare for bad feeling if your child won't settle in a new environment and cries and no one gets any sleep.

Overall my opinion is also this is a terrible idea, but maybe you need to find that out for youtself.