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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take a 5 month old on a girls' weekend to Paris

714 replies

Patapouf · 10/08/2019 12:53

Has anyone done this and has tips to make it less stressful? I know the baby will get nothing out of it but I am not ready to leave him at home with DH for 2 nights just yet and I'm desperate to make the most of mat leave.

Travelling by Eurostar, probably stay in an Airbnb. Planning a bit of sightseeing but mainly mooching about, sitting in cafés and stocking up on skincare and food or maybe not having seen the value of the pound Grin

Friends will be hands on and help as much as they can but I'm very anxious that it will be disastrous. Baby is BF (not going well), but mostly EBM so worrying about the logistics of expressing or BF out and about. I also can't imagine trying to manoeuvre a pram on the narrow pavements. I know babies live in Paris, I did too once, but I'm a worrier.

Can I make this work? How can I pack light?

I suppose my AIBU should really be how can I be less nervous about travelling with a baby?

OP posts:
Andysbestadventure · 10/08/2019 16:56

I'd be cancelling tbh if my friend wanted to bring a 5m old along for the ride 😳 I'd be there for a break from my kid. If you don't want a break from him then don't go.

Branleuse · 10/08/2019 16:57

I left all my babies overnight at some point while breastfeeding. For 2 nights id probably reduce breastfeeding in advance though.

I did however drift away from several friends when i had my PFB because I was so focussed on and obsessed with my baby and i dont think it was a good thing. Its good to retain your sense of self as a person rather than just a mother

theculture · 10/08/2019 16:58

I have kids now but my sister came to visit me (live in another country) when my niece was about the same age (I wanted to see her and play with the baby!)

It was great Smile

Some tips;

Paris is rubbish for pushchairs so take a sling (and have got used to it first)

She had a zip up tent thing for sleeping which worked well
https://www.amazon.co.uk/StillCool-Baby-Folding-Sleeping-Tent/dp/B01B4DPF2E

Speak to your friends about what you and your baby needs - I am embarrassed about my assumptions as a non child person now I have kids Grin

Don't worry about toys - at that age kitchen implements work well! but pack plenty of baby clothes and any food the baby is eating - It can be surprising how much food varies so if your baby likes a particular type of porridge etc bring that!

Have fun and don't be afraid of changing plans if whatever is working for the baby!

Jade218 · 10/08/2019 16:58

Leave the baby otherwise this is incredibly selfish thing to do

Or don't go, sorry but your friends probably don't mind but even if they don't it's still selfish!!

GotToGoMyOwnWay · 10/08/2019 16:58

OP the fact that you cannot even see that you are being slightly entitled by taking your baby on a girls weekend is Shock

I reckon @Cluelessbeetroot is spot on. And you can’t see it.

There is nothing wrong or difficult about taking a baby away - just not on a girls weekend. I like your friends would have been polite but inside would have been seething.

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 16:59

@Celebelly thanks, but I'm down south! I've heard of freemies but don't know where to get them in the UK Confused

OP posts:
bouncingraindrops · 10/08/2019 17:02

My group of friends once said to one of the girls she could bring the DC with her as her partner had left her after wee booked the trip.

It was the worst weekend I have ever had. I go on holiday to get a break bit to constantly consider children. Please don't do it, it really isn't fair, regardless of what they tell you about it being fine. It will never be fine. There will be that one time too many where they have to stop so you can feed/change/comfort your baby.

Jade218 · 10/08/2019 17:03

I also think it's not fair you don't trust your husband with the baby. Why have children with someone you can't trust with your baby? He's as much the parent of the child as you are

Yeahnahmum · 10/08/2019 17:03

You are the worst friend op if you are actually going to do it

What if you baby ends up teething/not sleeping/tantrummy and crying a whole 2 days. You would have ruined your own trip, plus your friends trip.

Selfish!

theculture · 10/08/2019 17:05

Also always travel with calpol, the French equivalent is doliprane

SandraOhshair · 10/08/2019 17:05

How will the room situation work? Surely you're going to have your own room and pay the single supplement?
No one is going to want to share with you?

PurpleFlower1983 · 10/08/2019 17:06

YABU as Paris is not very baby friendly.

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:06

@Jade218 can you read? Please direct me to where I have stated, or implied, that DH cannot be trusted to look after our baby.

OP posts:
FineWordsForAPorcupine · 10/08/2019 17:07

In terms of making the most of maternity leave, I mean making the most of not having to request annual leave!

R..really? Because having to request annual leave for a weekend away is such a huge pain?? I don't exactly buy that, I'm sorry.

You said earlier that you hate being told that you "can't" do something, and there seems to be a hint of that coming through - "how dare people say that I have to be at home in the house with my baby all the time!" - but don't make yourself do something you won't enjoy just to make a point. You said yourself that the weekend would be something to "get through" rather than enjoy.

Can you take a five month old to Paris? Sure, if you want to. Do you actually want to?

Caterina99 · 10/08/2019 17:09

I wouldn’t do it. I traveled a fair bit with DS when he was a baby and yes 5 months was absolutely the best age to do it (for us), but not on a girls trip. Obviously you know your friends best as to how helpful they’ll genuinely be.

I went to visit a cousin with a similar aged baby when DS was 4.5 months. And he was a super easy going baby and obviously we were on the same baby page and she had equipment. I’m glad I went and we did have fun, but it was very tiring. Yes I had people to hold DS if I popped to the loo or so I could finish a meal etc, but that was about it. The responsibility was all mine, and he didn’t sleep that great in the strange environment. Up all night with the baby and then activities the next day with a grumpy baby. It was exhausting. And it’s not like DH was there to give me an hour nap or something. At 4/5 months their sleep often regresses and they only take short naps too.

Can’t you just say the baby is too little and suggest the trip is pushed back a bit? Or go somewhere easier like a holiday cottage in the Uk? Plus if you’re still expressing, that would be my personal idea of a nightmare on a city break

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:12

@Yeahnahmum who is going to be hungover?

OP posts:
IcedPurple · 10/08/2019 17:12

I think you need to decide what you want to do. Do you want to be with your baby, or do you want to go to Paris? Because as far as I'm concerned, you can't do both. At least not without majorly annoying your friends. I agree with others that they are either being polite and/or they have no clue what impact a small baby will have on the trip.

If I had planned to go on a 'girls' holiday to Paris, and one of the party turned up with a baby, I'd be hugely pissed off.

Jade218 · 10/08/2019 17:13

Yes I can read perfectly fine thank you.

If you are sure your baby is in capable hands then what's the issue?

And if there is some other reason you don't want to leave your baby then lease pull out of this trip OP. For your friends sake

IcedPurple · 10/08/2019 17:15

All the posters saying 'just leave the baby'....You can't just leave a 5 month old BF baby for two days without suffering from engorgement which could lead to mastitis and at the very worst, going completely cold turkey from breastfeeding in this way can actually trigger post-partum depression or even psychosis!

If that's the case, she needs to either cancel the trip or go to Paris with her husband and baby. Either would be a much better idea than inflicting a probably grumpy 5 month old on friends who have likely saved for a long time for this holiday.

SnuggyBuggy · 10/08/2019 17:16

My DH is capable and trustworthy but would have struggled to cope with a 5 month old who BF to sleep for 2 nights. It isn't always a practical option when they are so little. The whole 'equal parents' thing isn't always helpful for babies.

KickAssAngel · 10/08/2019 17:17

We just spent a few days in Paris:

We were stunned by how inaccessible most places were - unless you have the muscles of a bodybuilder, you will struggle to get a pram/pushchair anywhere, including the metro.

Living in Paris with a baby means you have everything you need at home. Carrying everything to an air BnB is completely different. Even if you use a taxi you still have to get everything from the train to a taxi - so how much can you carry by yourself with baby in a sling? That's your limit.

What are you planning to do? Presumably, you've seen all the main sights. Why not drive somewhere in the UK? Far easier to take a load of stuff, and easier to get back if there's a problem.

Having said all that, people can and do travel the world with a baby in a sling and a laid back attitude. It probably all hinges on whether you can just go with the flow, not have a care in the world, take it easy etc. If you're going to worry about it, then it will not be fun. Probably your attitude will be more significant than the pram/sling/food that you take with you.

IrishGal21 · 10/08/2019 17:17

Pack light by leaving baby at home and enjoying Paris all to yourself!

MustStop · 10/08/2019 17:18

Biscuit and a Shock

Original poster
Patapouf · 10/08/2019 17:21

@MustStop my first biscuit, thank you Grin

OP posts:
FenellaMaxwell · 10/08/2019 17:23

Your choice is about you not the baby, though, isn’t it? You want the baby with YOU for PFB reasons, not because it’ll be best for the baby, because obviously being carted around Paris isn’t going to be pleasant for your baby.

Either leave the baby with your capable DH and spare them being unsettled, or you don’t go.

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