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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is unreasonable here?

103 replies

Cronutsarelovely · 10/08/2019 10:17

A and B were in a long relationship. A was really bad at communication and never criticised B in any way, instead held it all in. Eventually they started having problems and B provoked A into listing all Bs faults. A did this genuinely wanting to change. However a list built up over years is a pretty horrific thing to read. B was extremely upset, felt A didnt or couldn't have loved B for a long time/ ever and ended the relationship.

B met C within days and they started dating. However B still had feelings for A and this caused frequent arguments with C. A couplr of months later A asked to see B - B went with Cs knowledge.

A and B spoke for a long time. A apologised for the list, and asked if a freah start was possible. B agreed. It was left B would end things with C as it wasn't working, and then A and B would take it from there.

B contacted A the next day to say that they'd broken the news to C. B also asked to pick something up from As house later that evening, in 2-3 hours time. A said they would arrange to be home in 2 hours and wait for B.

B then didn't contact A until nearly 5 hours later and said sorry, the discussion with C had bwen difficult and run on and B now wouldn't be coming.

A asked why B couldn't have found a minute in 5 hours to say they would be late, and A said it felt as though their feelings were less important than Cs, it's not nice to be kept waiting etc. A would never have said this in the past - the old A would have just said ok and pretended they didn't care.

Bs response was that A was being unfair and horrible, that B had just spent hours persuading C why B wanted to try again with A, and now A had thrown it all back. That A clearly still didn't care about B and B was wasting their time trying again.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
araiwa · 10/08/2019 10:19

Easy as 1,2,3

DobbyLovesSocks · 10/08/2019 10:20

Why did B spend so long 'persuading' C? Just say it isn't working out and you want to stop dating - 30 mins top. Sounds like B doesn't know who they want to be with

Chocolate1984 · 10/08/2019 10:21

A & B should stay away from each other. C is the innocent party in this weird relationship.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 10/08/2019 10:22

A mostly. Yes B could have messaged to say they were running late earlier, but it would have been really insensitive to C who they were in the process of breaking up with.

ScreamingValenta · 10/08/2019 10:22

It's C I feel sorry for. A & B both sound like childish drama-llamas.

AuntyMarysBigRedPants · 10/08/2019 10:23

A

Soubriquet · 10/08/2019 10:23

You are obviously A and I think you should end this relationship as it obviously isn’t working

You should have been able to talk to your partner from the beginning instead of letting things build up to the point of an explosion

NoBaggyPants · 10/08/2019 10:23

Very confusing, but B sounds like a pretty unpleasant person, expecting everything to revolve around them.

CalmdownJanet · 10/08/2019 10:24

A I think. I mean it's complicated but A knew B had moved on, called him over, sorted it out, break-up's aren't easy, no matter how long, so putting a two hour limit on a conversation wasn't a good idea anyway, B would have been insensitive to pull out their phone and say they were texting A. A should have just gone out, not waited and done whatever. B is being a bit dramatic now too though. Meh, I don't know, both are being too sensitive, I think it's probably wise to not even get back together really

Alb1 · 10/08/2019 10:25

Both. All sounds pretty childish

CloserIAm2Fine · 10/08/2019 10:25

A and B are both BU

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 10/08/2019 10:25

Christ.

A B and C need to go their separate ways until they are all adult enough to have relationships.

Original poster
Cronutsarelovely · 10/08/2019 10:26

Bs original message said they had already told C. A didn't expect that discussion to continue for another 5 hours as Dobbylovessocks says.

Also B knew A was waiting. Should B not have taken a minute from those 5 hours to text A?

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 10/08/2019 10:26

A and B should absolutely not be together.

C I don't really know anything about.

HeddaGarbled · 10/08/2019 10:26

A is being the most unreasonable. B was a bit unreasonable. C has been badly treated.

IvanaPee · 10/08/2019 10:27

You’re A, right?

C is well shot!

LagunaBubbles · 10/08/2019 10:27

Poor C

WeirdCatLady · 10/08/2019 10:27

I never understand why posters do this, or post reverses. The vipers aren’t likely to change their opinions because you admit who you are Hmm

A and B both sound about 13 and need to grow the hell up. I feel sorry for C.

KarmaStar · 10/08/2019 10:28

Is this on CBeebies right now?😀

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 10/08/2019 10:29

Shall we get a collection together for C?

A and B are presumably very young. Lots to learn, especially A but staying out of each other's way will help.

Applejack5 · 10/08/2019 10:29

A, B and C

Original poster
Cronutsarelovely · 10/08/2019 10:34

Ok, I am A.

calmdownjanet i didnt impose the 2 hour limit. He said he had told C and would be over in 2 hours. He then didn't contact me for 5 hours.

I fucked up in our last relationship. I wanted to say what was on my mond from the start this time. If a friend left me hanging for 5 hours I wouldn't be happy - who would?

He didn't say that he'd try and see me once they'd finished talking. If he had I couldn't complain. But he made an arrangement with me and despite having said he wanted us to try again and how much I mean to him, made me feel unimportant.

Maybe I am wrong to feel like that. But I am trying to be different this time and one of the things I am trying to do as well as speak my mind is know my worth. And surely I am worth more than being left hanging for 5 hours?

OP posts:
yellowallpaper · 10/08/2019 10:34

A clearly has still not learned how to communicate in a caring way, and was harshly critical of B for not contacting A. This harsh and vitriolic criticism is what drove B away in the first place as it gave B the impression the previous long relationship was nothing but a lie with A being angry and resentful and hating B despite not saying anything at the appropriate time. B is clearly not keen to get back into such a complicated and deceitful relationship again if it's going to be more of the same. So second thoughts on Bs part.

If A has any sense they will seriously rethink their strategy of saying nothing vs being vicious. There actually is a normal way to speak to people.

B needs to realise there is a lot to sort out with A if it is to work and stop messing C around.

Soubriquet · 10/08/2019 10:36

CALLED IT!!!

Seriously, move on.

This relationship is going no where

BarbedBloom · 10/08/2019 10:37

A & B, mostly A. Being broken up with is horrible, especially when you know the person you like will be with someone else immediately. I actually think it is good B took the time to talk to them rather than just having a 5 minute break up and leaving them devastated.

However, I suspect B hasn't one hundred percent decided yet or hadn't actually broken up with them when they said. .

I do think suddenly hearing a huge list of your faults would be pretty devastating though and while I don't condone immediately moving on, I do have a bit of sympathy there.

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