Who is unreasonable here?

[Cronutsarelovely]

A and B were in a long relationship. A was really bad at communication and never criticised B in any way, instead held it all in. Eventually they started having problems and B provoked A into listing all Bs faults. A did this genuinely wanting to change. However a list built up over years is a pretty horrific thing to read. B was extremely upset, felt A didnt or couldn't have loved B for a long time/ ever and ended the relationship.

B met C within days and they started dating. However B still had feelings for A and this caused frequent arguments with C. A couplr of months later A asked to see B - B went with Cs knowledge.

A and B spoke for a long time. A apologised for the list, and asked if a freah start was possible. B agreed. It was left B would end things with C as it wasn't working, and then A and B would take it from there.

B contacted A the next day to say that they'd broken the news to C. B also asked to pick something up from As house later that evening, in 2-3 hours time. A said they would arrange to be home in 2 hours and wait for B.

B then didn't contact A until nearly 5 hours later and said sorry, the discussion with C had bwen difficult and run on and B now wouldn't be coming.

A asked why B couldn't have found a minute in 5 hours to say they would be late, and A said it felt as though their feelings were less important than Cs, it's not nice to be kept waiting etc. A would never have said this in the past - the old A would have just said ok and pretended they didn't care.

Bs response was that A was being unfair and horrible, that B had just spent hours persuading C why B wanted to try again with A, and now A had thrown it all back. That A clearly still didn't care about B and B was wasting their time trying again.

Who is BU?

So i ruined the relationship by never speaking my mind.

And then ruined the reconciliation by speaking my mind.

Honestly if there was something, anything, I could do now to change things I would. But looks like it's too late. I don't think he'll give me another chance.

I don't think the relationship was "ruined" by either of those things. Sounds like it just didn't work out.

He says hes ended things with her and would rather be on his own now than with me.

There's speaking your mind and there's being rude and nasty.

We don't know how you worded things with him. My MIL will always speak her mind and a lot of the time it does come across rude and nasty even if it's not necessarily meant that way. There is a middle ground.

He's not innocent in this and it's not all your fault but what he's probably thinking is he broke up with her for you and then the first thing that's happened is (in his opinion) you've had a go at him for taking a few more hours. I couldn't be bothered with that either in his shoes.

Whether you were nasty or not is a different matter but he does say that's how he feels.

I think B is unreasonable.

A was not unreasonable to be cross at being left waiting. I wouldn't bother waiting for B again, just move on.

I think just give him space OP. Don't message or phone him, give him time to cool down. Resist the urge to contact him unless he contacts you.

I think he will change his mind and come round, he'll have to see you at some point, during which time hopefully, you'll be able to explain what went wrong and apologise

But in case he doesn't, if he can't forgive when he has also behaved so awfully, then as you say, he is holding onto resentment and if he can't forget and forgive the way you were willing to, then the relationship will go nowhere anyway. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship and it seems he's attempting to take a moral high ground when he has none whats-so-ever.

I sincerely doubt any new relationship he enters into will go well when he is still carrying a torch for you deep down. Women tend to cry and talk these things out, but men bury them, where they just resurface.

Focus on yourself and maybe seek therapy to discuss your lack of confidence/communication issues speaking up in the relationship. Then and again, if you do not get back together you may find that a different man doesn't provoke the same response or insecurities at all!

Ultimately it depends on how much he values you. If he doesn't and he's prepared to lose you, then considering his behaviour, you have no obligation to feel anything for him or remain waiting around for him when someone more suitable may emerge.

And do not keep blaming yourself, we all make mistakes and he's no knight in shining armour himself at this point x

I wouldn't give him another chance if he did come running OP. He goaded you, moved on in a flash, said he wanted you back but as soon as he heard something he didn't like he had a strop, said he didn't love you anymore and he was ending it. Fickle and loves having power over you by the sound of it. If he actually loved you he'd have discussed it like a grown up not be all 'well it's over now you ruined it'

What a child, he's no good for you. Block him and move on.

I think B moved on pretty quickly and as such (and also because B spent 5 hours explaining the situation to C, which is excessive IMO) A will feel a little bit unsure if B was intentionally provoking a scenario in which he could use to break up with A, and gain his freedom. I think A should continue to work on herself and learning to stand up for herself in relationships and find someone else. In that case, neither B, nor C, matter anymore.

Anyone else just wanna shout "you were on a break"

You couldn't tell him how you felt.

That's not good.

He 'goaded you' into writing his faults.

That's not good.

He said he'd be around after telling you you'd outgrown him and you'd admitted fault and were going to change you for him.

That's not good.

Get away from him and invest in some counselling to find out why you so invested in pursuing an unhealthy relationship.

His orignal message to me said he'd already told her, it went as well as expected and could he come to mine later giving an approx time. I said I was going out with work colleagues but would make sure I was home in time to see him.

I then didn't hear from him for 5 hours when he said it was a bit late and he wasnt coming now. My reply (and I accept it was a bit harsh but I had been waiting and waiting) was

'you told me you'd be here at X and ive spent 2.5 hours waiting with no idea where you were or what was going on. That isn't very fair. You told me yesterday that she didn't mean much to you and you wanted to end things with her. I don't therefore see why you have put her feelings ahead of mine when all you had to do was either tell me in the first place your discussion would be continuing so you might be late, or text me at 7 to say you'd be later, or not have suggested coming here. Or even not spend over 5 hours discussing a breakup with someone you've been with for a few weeks when you had arranged to be somewhere else'

I’m more cynical on this than others. I think you held it all in because if he was criticized he became impossible. Then he hated the list. Then he was unsure if he actually was willing to break up with C and stayed for 5 hours knowing he’d arranged to leave you sitting waiting, and then he threw a strop when you pointed out that his was a bit shitty for you.
I suspect you’re well rid.

I fully accept I went too far. But if he loves me as much as I love him, he would have at least considered my explanation and apology.

He clearly doesn’t though, because he’s been in a relationship with someone else, and he’s walked away from you twice now, maybe it’s time to move on.

Sorry I don’t mean to minimise your feelings, my post is harshly worded, but you diserve better and he clearly doesn’t value you like you value him. And there’s nothing you have said that suggests that will change, it’s him that’s the problem here now

No its not harsh. It was kind of the point I was making. I was upset and jealous and angry and all those negative emotions because I love him not because I don't. And I feel like if he truly loved me he would see that and see I was hurt.

The woman he's been seeing is now following me on social media...not really sure how to respond to that. It's tempting to message her but I have no idea what to say other than why are you following me, and im sure that would get back to him. Maybe its best to just ignore.

Tell her to fuck off!

No actually just ignore her as you are already doing. Take the higher ground. Can't you just block her?

I wasn't sure about blocking. I'll think about it. Tbh I only really use it to post one activity which doesn't involve him so she won't get much out of following me!

I think this is because I knew they were together from her social media before he told me (when I had an idea he wanted me back I basically did my due diligence in case he didn't own up about it when I saw him) so he must have told her I looked on her SM so now shes following mine. Which isnt really normal behaviour after the end of a 2 month relationship.

This is all too much unnecessary drama for me! Feels like an ep of a bad reality tv show.

Spoke to a friend earlier who knows us both well. She said he hates feeling like the bad guy (this is true) that the new woman probably gave him a load of shit - as she was clearly very invested, (apparently was talking about moving in and kids, despite being together less than 2 months and not even officially exclusive) and obviously he didnt like that. And then I had a go and got the brunt of his annoyance at being criticised.

I dont think he'll forgive me; I know if the positions were reversed I would but it is as it is. I'll give it a few days but unfortunately I dont think there's anything more I can do. He's made his mind up. He doesn't think I love him. The worst part is I think I actually love him more than he loves me.

Sorry OP

I still think he will change his mind. But in any case, don't contact him. Especially do not keep telling him you love him etc. Leave it to him to contact you. Don't follow him on SM either, or the 'OW' (aka miss desperate). Block her if you can, (no reason to have her passing on stuff about your life) and give him time to miss you. Hopefully when he realises you're moving on, he'll either wake up to what he's missing or he won't.

In any case he's at fault now, and you need to gather your dignity and self worth and gradually progress in your own life away from him.

He had serious flaws. You've owned yours, but ultimately he hasn't owned his, so he's lost a chance to grow. He will be the loser while you've gained experience and knowledge about yourself that will be invaluable in the future ultimate relationship of your life with a new life partner.

Whether he returns or not, it's win win, because you're going to thrive.

TRUST ME he'll take another look, either now, or in the future and he'll question whether he made a mistake letting you go. I've seen it time and again.

Until then as shitty as you will feel for a while (and it is shit) keep moving on and realise you shouldn't have to run after a man this hard. You're better than that. You tried. Your conscience is clear. There's a more compatible person out there who one day when you're ready you'll meet. Someone with more maturity who won't think jumping into some other womans life is the way to deal with difficulties. No more drama.

A, let it go. Neither of you truly appreciate each other and this relationship was doomed the moment you chose to keep your feelings inside. Now everytime you do speak up you will seem like a narcissist to B as they didnt know the real you. Trust me, LET IT GO.

A mostly then B. I feel sorry for C

Starting the relationship back up with an argument isn't a good start and B sounds dramatic there but to have a ready made list of things wrong with B because A wouldn't talk about it in the first place is just mean, I can see why B would want to end it. C will obviously want to talk it out so putting a time frame on it was unrealistic and B can't exactly just say stop for a minute while I text A, while I get A being annoyed, A should have more compassion since they're causing the relationship to end. A, B and C should all just move on with their lives.

I would never have even gone on a date with someone who'd only split up from a LTR days earlier let alone started a relationship so although I have some sympathy for C she knew the risks.

Well you went after someone already in a relationship so you can't say anything about poor C.

A apologised for the list, and asked if a freah start was possible. B agreed.

However B still had feelings for A and this caused frequent arguments with C.

Who told you this? B?

A sounds like a dick.

C deserved Bs attention. We have literally no idea what they talked about, maybe they sorted out the break up and then just had a nice chat about things which meant C could move on from this truly shitty situation that they were placed in.

It was stupid to try and put a time limit on the break up, they rarely go to plan.

Who writes someone a list of all their faults?? I have a great relationship and even I wouldn't want either of us to do that. If you've been pent up I get wanting to do it but you do the edited version!

I think C&B were having breakup sex.