Not to potty train DD?

[pottytraininghell1]

DD is three in a few short weeks, she is STILL not potty trained, she does not tell me at all about doing a wee and only tells me she has done a poo after she has done it and even then it isn't every time!

Iv tried potty training twice and she just wee's on the floor, this morning I took her bed nappy of explained to her about wearing pants and using the potty! I am going to persevere for the day but she cried and said she wants nappy 🤦🏻‍♀️

If it doesn't go well again today AIBU to NOT potty train her until she tells ME she doesn't want the nappy anymore?

She has a speech delay that has got 90% better since she started nursery in Jan so I am not sure if this could also be something she is delayed in, she is also under a paediatrician and is seen every 6 months for being delayed.

Otherwise does anyone have better tips for me ? Sorry for the long post! X

I think you need to keep trying. Just leave a couple of weeks in between attempts. But no, I don’t think you should wait until she decides she wants to use a potty.

I am in the same boat with my ds, who is already 3 so a bit older. Everyone we have tried he cried for his nappy.

The longest we went without was 3 days, and then typically he caught a tummy bug and we decided to put the nappies back on til he was better as it was such a stressful clean up for everyone.

Not once in those 3 days though did he tell me he needed a wee or a poo.

He would sit on the toilet but do nothing, then wee as soon as I got his pants on.

Sorry I have no advice, just sympathy xx

It takes a few days to train at the very least. Yes there will be accidents, and likely she will get upset. But it will benefit her in the long run.
My son (now 18) was delayed it took years to train him, even until school he was still having accidents. But he never told me he needed to go. If i had left him and waited. He would never have grasped it.
My 2 daughters both trained in a few days no delays. Its hard but its for their benefit.

It will take more than a day, but if there is no improvement after 2-3 days I would stop. (Still accidents but some success)

My children didn't know the feeling of needing to pee until we started potty training I think that's the trickiest part. I encouraged them to sit on the potty regularly (maybe every 20 mins until they did a pee then wait for a longer gap) and by luck some pee would go in and we would heavily praise this.

Then I would talk to them about the feeling before they need to pee (butterfly in tummy I think we called the feeling) and they would try to notice it, but I still took them to try every hour.

The first week was all about going to the toilet regularly for us. The quickly recognise the feeling before they need to pee but not in the first day (for us anyway)

We just did DD, she's almost 3.5. She got it immediately and we've only had two accidents, one of which was outside. She doesn't even tell me she needs to go, she just goes straight to the loo and gets on with it.

Don't try it if they aren't ready, it's not worth the stress.

It’s hard when you have a child who isn’t on board with the plan. Especially with toilet training.
Since she’s nearly 3 could you get some steps & a seat insert and tell her she’s allowed to use the toilet like you ? (Skipping the potty altogether?)

New pants, let her dress & undress herself as much as possible & ask nursery to keep encouraging her too (positive peer pressure should help)

Finally, try not to make too much of a fuss about it; don’t make toilet training what she’s doing today - just slot it in around your usual day- encourage her to go roughly every hour / after a meal.

When she wets herself, no big deal, let’s her you changed (you help with wet stuff & clean up; she can put new clothes on)

Over a fortnight you’ll see the number of accidents reduce to almost none - if they don’t then try again in 6-8weeks, be open with her that it is a skill she is learning & we don’t learn things instantly.

Good luck !

My son was trained at 2.5 and he had a tantrum of epic proportions the morning I took the nappy off and told him squarely that we were finished with nappies. Just let him have it and then kept going with the pants.

He got there in the end.

Read stories to her (Tony Robinson Little Princess has a potty one I think)
Reward chart with a little something at the end of a day, slightly bigger for a week etc.

Keep trying. I think 3 is a reasonable age to persevere.

My son was like your daughter. Tried a few times, accidents every time and upset I left him to decide. A few days before he turned 3 he took his nappy off and just did it. No accidents he just took control and did it all himself. When they are truely ready they get on with it, there's no need to endless months of puddles and tears.

We tried a few times and our DS wasn't ready.
Tried again when he was 3.5 and he did manage it but it was hard work.
He's 4 next month and is mostly reliable.

Thanks everyone, Some great tips! Will keep the nappy of for a few days, at least its weekend and nowhere to go ☺️

My daughter was 3.5 when she decided she was ready - before then she point blank refused. She was fine within 3 days once she said she didn't want nappies any more

Why don’t you introduce some gradual steps? Ask her to wee first thing in the morning and before going to bed.
Then when she has mastered weeing on demand then you can keep her nappy free over a weekend and have a potty at hand. Ask her to go every hour (which she should be able to wee on demand) and lots of praise. Stretch the time over a week to 90 mins to 2 hours. Once she has mastered this and the art of pooing then slowly stop prompting her and getting her to tell you. This might take 2-3 weeks.

This is one way of doing it.

The other is to introduce the potty and wait for her to tell you. I did that with DS1 but he was 2.7. I did the first with DS2. Both worked.

I don’t think you can ever judge the success or failure of potty training in a delayed child in one day. (I have one under paeds as well). You have to give the process and her time.
First she has to know she has a full bladder, then she has to notice in time, then she has to tell you, then she has to wee. That’s a lot to process and it won’t happen overnight.

@PotolBabu Iv asked her twice if she wants to try and have a wee, she just screams No so will just see how she goes on through out the day! I don't want to traumatise her and push her back even further 🤦🏻‍♀️

I don't think I would be worrying at this point. Almost 3 is not a concern. By all means have a go this weekend. If you don't succeed though, I wouldn't bother for another 6 months.

She’s still so young, I would wait a bit longer until you’re confident she’s ready. My 6 year old was very delayed toilet training. I wanted to wait until he was ready but lost patience at 3 years 10 months and took the nappies away. It was a disaster, a whole week of nothing but accidents and no sign of progress. We stopped and waited until I thought he was ready at 4 and a half! He then got it within a week and we’ve barely had an accident since. It was so easy! He was exceptionally late (he was also delayed in meeting milestones generally and has autistic traits) but he got there in the end. We were lucky that he didn’t start school until he was 5.

I was convinced my DD would be a lot quicker. She seemed really interested in the toilet from before she was 2 but no, she’s still in nappies at 3 years 8 months. I’m trying to encourage her to use the toilet and to wear big girl pants but she’s very reluctant at the moment. I’m not going to push her too much, she will get there in the end.

Does she have control over what she's doing? Because if not then I would wait a little while. They have to be able to recognise the sensation and have the muscle control to hold it. My youngest wasn't toilet trained until 3.5. I raised it a few times with professionals and they weren't at all concerned. Whenever I took her nappy off she would just wee and poo everywhere and had no idea she was doing it and no control, so trying to train her was pointless. So I just kept trying every couple of months. One time she didn't do it and asked for her nappy back on as she needed a wee, so I knew then that she had control and knew the sensation that she needed to go. She skipped the potty and went straight to using the toilet with hardly any accidents.

My son had a speech delay. We tried at 3 and he just wasn't ready. Waited a couple on months and tried again and it clicked. He then decided for himself to just use the toilet and recently said he didn't need the training seat either. All with support of nursery. Speak to your child's key worker. Ours was very helpful. He wasn't the last by any means but was one of the last.

I tried just before 3 and my dd wasn't ready and got very upset..I was quite surprised as her big sister got it. We waited and were trying to decide when to try again. It was a work day for me and she refused to put a nappy on. So off we went to nursery with 20 changes of clothes. First day went badly as she refused to sit on potty either. Got better from day 2. I didn't want to stop this time as she wanted to do it.

Could you try using terry nappies for a bit which I imagine would feel nasty to an older child when full and might encourage her out of them?

Ahh don’t worry! One of mine was very very late and in retrospect I wish I had waited til she was ready. When you start you need a week clear of anything, off work, no commitments. You have to stick to it for the week. It will be tricky but, if she’s ready, each day will be a little better. Summer is better as they can run round with no pants on and you can see what is happening. What I would say is that if you see her weeing small amounts regularly with no recognition that she’s gone or needed to go then she’s not ready and you should stop and reconsider in a few months. We carried on despite her seeing down her legs with no recognition at all and had months of wet pants (tens every day) at a time when she simply couldn’t feel she was going. We bowed to social pressure when we should have listened to our gut.

Our daughter wasn’t fully trained by reception and she was one of the oldest. We had tried so hard. It wasn’t lazy parenting, she still leaves it very late now at 8 and needs to go often. To be fair so do I, so familial perhaps.

Good luck. She’ll get there, pls don’t worry. And listen to your gut, not your mates.

A bit of bribery, sorry reward chart/buttons/stickers for sitting on the potty? Start at the basics and build it up.
How long have you tried for in one stint?
I took a week off work with the intention of being home in pants all week with no other outings/plans and built up the exposure in the first couple days to the potty, then went for it! It worked so I also whipped off night time nappy. Mine also slept well from the start but food was more problematic so it's swings and roundabouts I used and it may not come good the first try.
I'd give it a good few days tho before re-assessing.

Ps toddler in pants, not me 🤣

My nephew has just been potty trained. He was theee in june. Mine was not two but they were in cloth nappies which apparently makes a difference. Keep going. You can buy toddler toilet seats to bypass the potty stage.

The 3 day potty training book worked well for us. Loads of useful tips especially around not asking if they need a wee, but rather just promoting them by regularly saying ‘tell me when you need’ and letting them control the process etc. Also counter intuitively making sure they have loads to drink the first few days to really help them feel what a full bladder is like and get lots of opportunities to practice. But it also highlights how it can be a behaviour/control issue for lots of children so that needs to be tackled differently than helping them recognise the sensation and know what to do iyswim.