Not to potty train DD?

[pottytraininghell1]

DD is three in a few short weeks, she is STILL not potty trained, she does not tell me at all about doing a wee and only tells me she has done a poo after she has done it and even then it isn't every time!

Iv tried potty training twice and she just wee's on the floor, this morning I took her bed nappy of explained to her about wearing pants and using the potty! I am going to persevere for the day but she cried and said she wants nappy 🤦🏻‍♀️

If it doesn't go well again today AIBU to NOT potty train her until she tells ME she doesn't want the nappy anymore?

She has a speech delay that has got 90% better since she started nursery in Jan so I am not sure if this could also be something she is delayed in, she is also under a paediatrician and is seen every 6 months for being delayed.

Otherwise does anyone have better tips for me ? Sorry for the long post! X

Read the book Oh Crap.
Don't put her in pants, it's too much like a nappy and she'll forget she isn't wearing one. Leave her naked waist down and watch her like a hawk ready to whip her onto the potty when she starts showing signs she needs to go. You may need to do this for a few days. She will wee in the floor, probably a lot at first. Then let her be commando in loose clothing. Only put her in pants once she's got the hang of it.

It doesn’t happen in a day - you need to persevere with it. My dd had a tantrum about the potty - she hated it so we went straight to using the loo, which she accepted a bit better - have you tried that?
Bribery to start off with is also good 1 wee in the potty = a chocolate button.
IMO you really should be trying to toilet train her by 3, no one says it’s easy but keeping her in nappies after 3 is not doing her any favours.

My DD trained at 3yr8m but had some delays and approx a year behind developmentally. I spent months and months frustratingly trying, left it 3 months before i lost the pllt and she got it overnight.

DS is 3 in October. I plan on trying him next week but if after a week he is disastrous I will just wait longer before trying again

My first 4 DC potty trained quite easily, all between the ages of 2 and 2.5, (no magic formula just patience and consistency, plus they were physically ready) but my youngest was tricky. She was a couple of months off 3 and I felt was physically ready, but she had some sensory issues and was a little delayed generally and very, very reluctant to train. I had a potty party for her, wrapped up lots of small gifts and put them in a bag for a lucky dip, and just took the nappies away. Every time she did a wee in the potty she got a gift and lots of attention. Lots of wees ended up on the floor, but no complaints, no comments, just rewards when she got it right. It took a few days stuck at home but she got there. The poos took longer, months of poos in the pants but once we started there was no going back. Potty training is messy, it's exhausting, it's frustrating, but it's so worth it in the end.

I think yabu to not stick with it for longer than a day or two. Accidents are expected but if you keep going back and forth to nappies then I think they get confused.

I found taking them to the loo every 20 minutes the first day then pushing that out to 40 the next and so on worked. Lots of praise when they do manage anything on the potty and not making a big deal of it when they have an accident. Soon mine linked the signs that they needed to go to what they were managing to do in the potty. Each of my three took about a week to potty train - youngest is 3 and a half and has very rare accidents if he is too engrossed in what he is doing.

Good luck.

And it's hard, but if you can avoid going out for at least the first week as that will be very stressful, you should.

I potty trained my dd at 1 years old (not a brag, she just wouldn't keep her nappy or clothes on so had no choice) and ds at 2 years old. You should stick with it and yes there will be loads of accidents, i wouldn't bother with pull ups that will just confuse them, just let them walk around naked and encourage the potty. My son kept weeing on the floor when his potty was there and after cleaning up so much wee i do feel slightly guilty but I was firm and said you need to go on the potty now! and after that he did like 12 wees in a row that day. Potty training and getting rid of the dummy is the only thing I have been good at, sleeping through and routine not so good at!

Stay at home for four or five days.
Put them on the potty every half hour or so and reward both effort (good girl you sat on the potty) and achievement ( oh look a wee, clever girl let’s choose a sticker). Increase gaps as they get better.
Of course they’ll wee on the floor. Less often if you potty them regularly and sit beside them reading a book. Even better if you sit and wee at the same time.

Oh also my son had speech delay too so that shouldn't be anything to so with it. You have to stick with it else it will get more stressfull going back and forth

I would also suggest skipping the potty and going for a toilet seat

Give it a go. If they’re not getting it after a few days stop and try again in s couple of months.
We had 2 false starts with my son at 3 and 3yr4months. Tried again at 3.5, got it in a morning.
Definitely wait till they’re showing signs of physical and emotional readiness, it’s not worth getting stressed about. I would keep trying every 2 months though. I’m not sure they will just wake up out the blue and want to wear pants just like that.

Hi OP

Going against the grin here but I would quit until she is definitely ready. She is not unusually late or anything. I know some very bright kids who weren't ready til 3.5 and then just got it. If you force it before she is ready you can still train her but it will be painful for everyone

All mine were over 3. I loosely followed Gina Ford potty training in a week. I got more of a potty chair, by 3 the potties felt a bit unstable for them.

Oh and bribery, lots of bribery.

We recently potty trained my DD a couple of months short of her 3rd birthday. Like pp we used the Oh Crap book - I think having a naked (or at least no bottoms) day really helped both of us - I got to spot when she needed a wee and she became aware of the sensation of weeing and needing a wee. I’d say the first 2-3 days were pretty terrible as she had zero bladder control and was weeing every 20 mins, mostly on the floor! But it clicked into place pretty quickly and after 2 weeks she was having v few accidents (maybe 1-2 a week). I’d also recommend not wearing knickers - they feel too much like a nappy. Good luck, it’s really tough going!

I only have a small baby so we haven't got this far yet , but I came across this article and it freaked me out about trying too early!

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/potty-trainingbb_1424826/amp

I also say wait until ready. We tried when DS WAS 2.5. Gave it 3 days - obviously wasn't working. Forgot all about it until he was 3.5. He wanted to try, made all the difference. Done within the week. DD was ready much younger, and again wanted to. You can't force it. Too stressful for everyone!

Seconding ‘Oh Crap’ book. It had very good advice in it - namely, giving it time, taking off nappies and pants and putting a potty on the floor. We accepted the accidents and just wiped up, but very quickly, and because my dd was naked, she started to realise when she was peeing. We then helped join up that experience by getting her to the potty. It only took a few days for her to realise what was going on and then started to tell us.

Also, I think consistency is important, if you keep starting then stopping I imagine it’s harder to learn. So I’d wait till you have a bit of a run at it - a long weekend or similar.

Following the book, we had my dd basically trained within a week. It was really helpful.

Good luck

My dd us 3.5 and not potty trained she had is non verbal, has gdd and potential asd. I was hoping to try and get her potty trained this summer but she is just not ready she won’t t sit on the potty at all and doesn’t try to communicate when she done a wee or poo. She has started to try and communicate more generally so hoping this will come in the next couple of months.

It would be pointless for me to try and push her now.

If you don’t think you dd is ready I wouldn’t push her with it

It actually doesn't always take days and days to train, nor are there always accidents, and with some children you can a potty and night train painlessly by waiting until they are ready - this worked for me with two out of my three children. My DD and DS1 both day trained with one accident ever (one per child) - DD at 2 years 6 months and ds1 at 2 years 9 months. They both had good language and awareness and both agreed and were enthusiastic about ditching nappies. Ds1 was also night dry immediately that he ditched day nappies (he just looked at me and said "I don't wear nappies" when I got the night nappy out so I decided to risk the wet bed and he never wet the bed, ever - he's 12 now - though he did start getting up at 5am and taking himself to the toilet and not going back to sleep...)

I also had one DC still in nappies at 3 who liked "being a baby" and had no interest in toilet training and wouldn't, so I know it doesn't always work - though I suspect that it would have eventually I wasn't willing to wait much past 3!

With the one who didn't want to toilet train we ramped up the bribery, which was hard as unlike his siblings he was quite hard to bribe, not liking sweets or being interested enough in biscuits or chocolate to be motivated, and already having all the little toys any child could want handed down from his siblings...

For some inexplicable reason he developed longing for a pair of golden underpants and a light saber - DD sprayed new white underpants with fabric spray and he reluctantly agreed to go without nappies for those as a day 2 reward if he tried on day 1. He did have accidents but got there in a couple of weeks.

I do think that is the child has to be on board one way or the other!

Good luck!

I wouldn't push it. My dd was nearly 3 and one day she asked to do a poo on the toilet. We'd tried about a month before then and it had been a stressful disaster. It was very easy when she initiated it. Do what you think is best. Don't feel pressured by anyone else.

Hi everyone thanks for all of the replies! To my amazement DD has only had a couple of accidents and started telling me she needs a wee and taking herself to the potty! Then I was cleaning the hall and could smell 💩 TMI sorry! Thought ohhhhhh S..T, literally and I couldn't believe it she had done it in the potty!

Think someone has swapped her for a different child 😵

Thats a brilliant update, she is onboard now so no going back. Congrats!

Toilet training doesn't have to be a snap thing that happens overnight! If she is nearly 3 she is going to be really set in her ways & stubborn about it. I would do it a bit more gradually. Eg. Do bath time relatively early eve, and then have nappy free time after bath. She will wee on her legs and notice, then you can work on getting her to a potty or toilet in time. You don't have to do pants straight away. You can do the same in the mornings - take bedtime nappy off but just have an hour or so naked with a potty in the room. I bet you within a couple of weeks she will be voluntarily taking herself to the potty when she has nothing on. From there you can build it up.

What happens when she decides she won’t tell you ‘she’s ready’ until 4 or god forbid 5. Landfills are full of disposables from kids old enough and able enough (so not including SN children in this) to be potty trained.

It’s easier to an extent in the better weather and bribery works wonders.

DS told me when he was ready for toilet training. It was literally a piece of piss to train him