Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU My chief bridesmaid has only invited me to her evening reception

95 replies

whodis · 09/08/2019 15:46

My wedding was four years ago, and since then have had two DC. Had three bridesmaids at wedding, my two DS and closest friend. Haven’t seen a whole lot of said friend as she has been travelling and finishing her degree but still keep in touch, but we are not as close as we were. Just received an evening only invitation for DH and myself to her wedding in December. Was hoping for an all day invitation. Her bridesmaids are going to be her single best friends (2). AIBU?

OP posts:
Readytogogogo · 09/08/2019 15:47

YANBU, I'd be hurt by that.

timshelthechoice · 09/08/2019 15:49

Times change, people change. Having children appears to have affected your relationship. Personally I'd decline if the do involves a lot of travel or overnight stay.

BeanBag7 · 09/08/2019 15:53

YABU time has gone by and you said yourself that you rarely see each other. At the time of your wedding, you were close friends, but now you're not.
I got married 5 years ago and there are plenty of people who came to my wedding who I very rarely see now, if ever, including my bridesmaid. I would be very surprised to receive an invite to her wedding, I didn't even know she had loved 100 miles away.
Relationships change over time and that's OK

CrisisCrunchie · 09/08/2019 15:54

My maid of honour didn’t invite me to her wedding at all ... I was stunned as she wasn’t just a friend, our families had been friends since 15 years before we were born .. but that’s life, things change & you move on

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 09/08/2019 15:54

Your wedding was 4 years ago, you say yourself you haven’t seen friend much since.

Your relationship has changed, her wedding obviously reflects that.

Yabu

VenusOfWillendorf · 09/08/2019 15:59

YANBU. Sounds like you've drifted apart as you've had very different lives in the past few years and having tiny children is very consuming. But if you are still in regular contact and apparently good friends as far as you're aware, then yeah, I'd be upset at just getting an evening invite. Unless she is just having a tiny wedding for family only?
I also wouldn't go out of my way for an evening invite, I'd only bother if it's convenient for you, doesn't involve travel or time off work. But I'd be like that about an evening invite from anyone, as I regard them as more of a casual 'great to see you if it suits'.

Sigh81 · 09/08/2019 16:00

Probably a bit tactless of her, but relationships do change and as PP have pointed out, if you have seen much less of her than before then she potentially sees you as being less close than 4 years ago.

DwightYouIgnorantSlut · 09/08/2019 16:00

If you aren’t close with her anymore then yes YABU

Waiting1987 · 09/08/2019 16:01

I did something similar and it was purely because we were no longer close.

Rezie · 09/08/2019 16:01

Sounds like she doesn't consider you to be so close anymore. It sucks and hurts.

Littlepond · 09/08/2019 16:03

My bridesmaid doesn’t even speak to me anymore ☹️

IvanaPee · 09/08/2019 16:04

It does sound like you’ve drifted but I can understand why it hurts a bit.

Unfortunately there’s not much you can do. Will you go?

Original poster
whodis · 09/08/2019 16:06

It’s quite a big wedding she’s having. A large Church and reception venue. Its an hour and a half drive away, so will involve an overnight stay. I’m not sure of numbers but she’s an only child of an only child (her mother), so there is very little family on her side, and the groom has one brother who’s single, so no nephews and nieces or anything. I was just a bit surprised, that’s all.

OP posts:
Yaflamingalah · 09/08/2019 16:06

@Littlepond nor do I Sad She ghosted me after I had DC.

Cheeseandwin5 · 09/08/2019 16:07

I think would be hurt too, but I think that is the way of things. Although people will invite friends and family from years back, sometimes weddings can be a timing thing. People who you become close to you in short space of time can outweigh those you have know better and longer but haven't seen for a while.
I bitterly regret some of the ppl I didnt invite to my wedding and I am sure there are plenty annoyed with me too

PullingMySocksUp · 09/08/2019 16:08

I’d probably reply and say it’s a bit far for just an evening do, worded a bit better than that. Decline though.

IvanaPee · 09/08/2019 16:09

1.5 hours is easily driveable if you don’t want to fork out for a hotel!

Original poster
whodis · 09/08/2019 16:10

I think I will go if we can get DC looked after by Grandparents.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 09/08/2019 16:10

As pp have said, your relationship has changed so you are obviously no longer seen as a close friend to her anymore. She might be having a very small wedding with family and very close friends to dinner and then asking extended family and friends to the evening part.

IvanaPee · 09/08/2019 16:10

It’s possible they’re not doing a meal. Might just be church, family lunch, and then party afterward?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 09/08/2019 16:11

It's a shame but I guess when you picked your wedding party, you were closer and saw each other more?

And the costs for families at weddings can be a bit eye watering - having you all day would be four extra people to seat and feed at least twice, and provide drinks for. For some of the venues I've looked at, that's a couple of hundred quid easily...

From what you've said, you've got quite different lives now and aren't as close. It's just the result of a natural drift I think, sadly.

Drum2018 · 09/08/2019 16:11

Ok, missed your last posts. She doesn't see you as a close friend anymore.

Beautiful3 · 09/08/2019 16:18

Sounds like you don't see much of each other anymore. Things change over time. I wouldn't take it personally. Go to the evening reception and enjoy yourselves.

Butterflycookie · 09/08/2019 16:22

Are you invited to the reception....So dinner provided? Or just after that?

saj90 · 09/08/2019 16:26

YABU. I was bridesmaid to a friend 3 years ago. I won't be inviting her to my day wedding. People drift. It's life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread