Heterosexuality is not a disease? Or aibu?

[theoriginalgin]

I have an acquaintance who has for many years identified as Queer. She's gradually become more and more militant about LGBT + rights in recent times and has started to make some quite offensive statements about heterosexuality and heterosexuals in general.

As a heterosexual person I generally hear these things and don't react because I don't feel that there's any response I can give that won't get me an ear bashing about "the patriarchy" and my "privilege".

However today she's bought home a cushion that she's posted a photo of on Instagram which says "heterosexuality is a disease". I strongly disagree with this and I find it truly offensive. I don't think any sexuality is a disease and I don't think that this is an ok thing to say. I think if a heterosexual person said that about homosexuality for example, they'd be called out for it and probably absolutely lambasted for being homophobic on social media. And yet nobody has said a word to her about this!

AIBU? And if not, any ideas for a witty response to get the point across?

Ask her if she’s worried about catching it?

How would she take it if you told her your DP gave you regular injections of vitamin D to try and cure you?

@WonkoTheSane42 actually I think you're the only one being a snowflake here. I don't see why I shouldn't be offended by something that would offend you if it was the other way round. And, moreover, it's very clearly not a joke given the rest of the stuff she spouts.

There are some ridiculous comments above about how it's clearly tongue in cheek and ironic etc. Sorry but just because one non hereto person might say it ironically, it doesn't mean anyone else wouldn't.

What is with this ridiculous view that just because someone is not heterosexual they are never being offensive or rude or even hateful towards anyone else when they talk about sexuality?

Anyone can be offensive. Being gay or queer etc doesn't by default make you a nice person who is only ever out to help the world

@Somerford lol wut

I know, I know, it's so hard being straight

@theoriginalgin “If I completely changed the context, it would be offensive!”

Go ahead and take offence though, you’re clearly desperate to.

@WonkoTheSane42 no I am not desperate to take offence. But I haven't yet heard an argument intelligent or common sensical enough to change how I feel about it.

I've heard plenty from this woman about how straight people are stupid for believing what the patriarchy tells them, how they're all ignorant people who are perpetually offensive to anyone who identifies on the LGBT+ spectrum etc etc.

The statement on her cushion says I have a disease. It suggests stigma. If I were to say that about homosexuality, you'd be incredibly offended. Why on Earth should it be ok the other way round and, more importantly, why shouldn't I be offended but you could be?!

I'd say the only desperation here is you being desperate to retain that chip on your shoulder.

@Hedgehogblues not sure anyone said it was hard being straight.

But perhaps you could elaborate on why straight people having it easier in general means that LGBT+ people are allowed to make statements such as that on the cushion without straight people reacting negatively?

Your friend sounds like someone who’s actually lost touch with what she started out supporting - I find people who become this extreme with anything like this, the cause they were supporting has become second in line to their own ego. They just love arguing a point for the sake of it - probably because they just like the sound of their own voice.

It’s all a bit ‘look at me’ isn’t it.

She says she’s queer rather than gay or bi? What does that mean anyway.

Unfortunately OP this post is being used to fly flags and make digs rather than acknowledge the actual issue. As far as I could garner from ur post there hasn't jus been this cushion post against heterosexuals, there have been numerous comments and criticisms. The cushion jus seems to be the pinnacle. I agree it is in pretty bad taste, and yes, if it was against homosexuality I would feel exactly the same. If it was against a race or religion, again I would feel exactly the same! For me I would reduce or remove contact. I can accept peoples views and for me I firmly believe love is love no matter who it is between. I do not believe that because a group of people were previously oppressed/targeted that then gives them a right to turn the tables. Yes it must have been horrific and some incidents still occur but this isnt going to make it stop!

There's a lot of manufactured outrage on this thread.

Have a think how gay people feel having that flung at them. Horrible, isn't it? Have some bloody empathy.

OP - this isn't a like for like situation.

A queer person making the comment 'heterosexuality is a disease' isn't the same as a hereto person saying 'homosexuality is a disease' because in real life heterosexuality hasn't been pathologised, but homosexuality has.

Straight people have never faced lobotomies, chemical castration, conversion therapy or electroshock therapy to 'cure' their heterosexuality. Heterosexual people have never been experimented on to try and find an explanation for and solution to their sexuality. There have never been dehumanising debates about what 'causes' heterosexuality. But these are all things that queer people have historically faced, and continue to face in some quarters today.

I get that your friend's cushion hurt your feelings. You don't have to continue to be friends with someone who upset you. That's your right.

But can you see how this isn't the same as when people call homosexuality a disease? Because when people do that, they are directly contributing to and legitimising an attitude which causes actual, real, physical and mental harm to queer people alive today. The consequences of that are so much more serious than just causing offence.

She's a Tumblr user isn't she? I see this BS all the time on there. "Straights should be wiped out." "Straights should die in a fire etc." Much of it is far from lighthearted.

Have a think how gay people feel having that flung at them. Horrible, isn't it? Have some bloody empathy

Well two wrongs etc

Oppressed groups can make jokes about the oppressor because the social and cultural background means that those jokes don't cause any harm, and are tongue in cheek jabs that allow the oppressed to reclaim some modicum of power and help them build community and solidarity with each other. It's somewhat healing for the oppressed group to do that in a lighthearted way to the group that have crushed them historically and currently.

When the oppressor makes jokes about the oppressed group, people are beaten and killed. And don't try to say that this doesn't happen anymore because it absolutely does. The power balance in nowhere near the same in these two instances.

As a white person, I will never have a problem with people of colour making jokes about white people.

As a bisexual person, I will never have a problem making jokes about straight people nor will I have a problem with those jokes being directed at me as someone who passes for straight.

Be thankful you haven't been beaten in the street. Be thankful that your disease is only written on a cushion, and has not prevented you from getting work, from giving blood, from going to church, from, well, anything.

Its a cushion. Her cushion. Has she said that YOU are diseased?

You are being #notallmen about it tbh. Her views are hers and yours are yours.

aquarianaura EXACTLY!

Well two wrongs etc

It's not two wrongs though is it! It's people looking to be offended.

It's quite obviously a reversal of some of the abuse gay people receive now and in the past. No one is shouting this at heterosexuals in the street and threatening them. It's a bloody cushion.

People whine about the 'snowflake' generation and their bloody wokeness and identity politics and then come up with this to be offended by. Can they not see the deep deep irony?

I know, I know, it's so hard being straight

Too bloody right. I can't find a suitable male FWB at the minute. Women seem to like me, though but ...... I have the heterosexual disease so guess I'll need to keep looking

I'd reply to her with

'I'd better stay away from you then. Wouldn't want you to catch it'

Regarding the original issue, I'm not offended by your acquaintance. However, she doesn't sound like the sort of person that could spark much in the way of meaningful discussion (from my point of view), so I wouldn't be looking to spend my precious time with her.

She's what I call a 'lift' person; someone that I don't actively dislike but wouldn't like to be trapped in a lift with overnight.

Does it really need a response? It's self-evidently ludicrous and presumably intended to provoke an argument with whoever rises to the bait. Best ignored.