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AIBU?

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Original poster

About 'using your brain'

161 replies

mandalena · 03/08/2007 00:38

Can someone explain me what they mean when they say 'i m going to work because i want to use my brain'? I find this very insulting for SAHM and nannies
p.S. am NOT attacking working mums, only those who say this

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 03/08/2007 15:54

Blimey. They start 'em early in France.

Glad it went well.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 15:59

Yes, school 'école maternelle) starts in the year of a child's 3rd birthday. Since my daughter will be 3 in November, she starts in September.

Thanks, Custardo - it went well but it's still early days. Will need to prove myself a bit

Tortington · 03/08/2007 15:59

your welcome

Katy44 · 03/08/2007 16:16

I'm sure your daughter will appreciate the panda suit too

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 16:17

Katy - oh, she's very suspicious of it - she knows it means I'm up to something without her

Katy44 · 03/08/2007 16:20

Off for a picnic in the woods with the teddy bears maybe?
OK the silliness stops NOW!

blueshoes · 03/08/2007 18:43

SueBarrow: "As for work, yes, it can be boring. But it can also be as interesting as you want it to be."

I suppose you can say that about being at home. Just that I find childcare (I speak for myself) inherently repetitive and boring. Maybe if my children were older? All the interesting bits are non-childcare related, and would rank as hobbies (like cooking or investments). I do read the papers. It is a gentle lifestyle, but not cutting edge, like my work can be.

morningglory · 03/08/2007 18:59

I'm currently a SAHM but was an anesthatist in the States prior to moving to the UK. In no way is mothering at the same intellectual stimulation level as my previous work environment, which was the top hospital for academic anesthesia in the USA. Don't misunderstand me, I love doing what I'm doing...for now, but I do miss the intellectual challenge, the professional "glory", and the whole self actuation through work stuff. I will/have to go back to work when all DC are of school age, if not a bit before, principally for the mental activity and self-achievement, which I really miss.

SueBaroo · 03/08/2007 19:30

blueshoes, I guess it's because I have four all quite close in age and I HE, too. Trust me, there's an over-abundance of stimulation in this house

I mean, I might be able to do some work over Christmas, and to be honest, the mere thought of it bores me to tears, but the extra pennies will be useful.

I used to be quite vociferously pro-SAHM, to the point of probably being quite a bigot about paid-job mothers.
But after a few years of reality (Amazing how ideology doesn't ever quite gel completely with what's real!) I'm fairly content to say that it is totally horses for courses and what works for one kind of personality won't fit everyone else, and also people can change, too.

I find being a SAHM mentally stimulating, and I'm university educated, but I'm quite prepared to believe someone else might find it the height of tedium.

LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 03/08/2007 20:04

I think the point about work being as interesting as you want it to be, is only true if you are one of the lucky minority of people who have an extraordinarily interesting, stimulating job. Most people just don't. That's the harsh truth.

Or maybe it's just me. Most of the jobs I've ever had have been hideously dull most of the time, and they've been "good" high status jobs. TBH I don't think work has ever given me as much intellectual stimulation as school and university. I've never quite understood people going on about how they loved their job, with the exception as pruni says, of really intellectually challenging, interesting jobs, or alternatively, of jobs which give some kind of immense emotional satisfaction like nursing or charity. Wish I did.

NKF · 03/08/2007 20:08

I think they mean using their brain in a particular way. For example, if your mind thrives on a certain kind of banter or intellectual debate, you won't get all you need from the company of small children.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 20:11

LittleBellatrix - I also wonder whether most of the time women know they are never going to get the really good jobs? The jobs with lots of power and influence?

My partner is no cleverer than me... he has an excellent job that he enjoys nearly all the time... no women I know have as much power as he does, and most of my women friends are better qualified and probably more intelligent than he is.

After a bit, when you don't have lots of power to wield, jobs become very dull, I think. At least at home I am Boss

NKF · 03/08/2007 20:15

People apply their minds to the tasks they have. Anyone who's ever cared for an invalid can see how the focus of their thoughts can become concentrated on their bed and their next meal.

And tasks expand to fit the time allowed. That's why you hear mothers going on about the difficulties they are having doing something quite simple eg organising a four year old's party. If they were busier, it would just be one thing they ticked off in the course of a day.

choosyfloosy · 03/08/2007 20:22

I finished my part-time, medium menial job on Friday and have had a week at home. I am using my brain quite a lot now, e.g. I sat ds in front of the telly so I could read Dr Denise Einon's Creative Play for the Preschooler.

I'm not very good at being a SAHM, and dislike the particular uses of my brain it requires, which are quite demanding, largely because we're short of money.

lilolilmanchester · 03/08/2007 20:29

I think sometimes "I want to use my brain" is a justification given by women who aren't satisfied with being at home with children, perhaps don't enjoy it. One of my colleagues told me she was bored rigid being at home with her DCs and got no pleasure out of doing "stuff" with them, so they were better off with the nanny who was brill at stimulating the kids, she wasn't. Those DCs are now at boarding school. It's not that the Mum is super intelligent (she's not thick either) but she just felt happier working than being a mum. It's not something I identify with, but I think for her and her DCs, it's probably the best solution. I'm not judging the her in any way, it is what works for her. I also know hugely intelligent women who are SAHMs, they are happy with that and exercise their brains in other ways, or perhaps don't feel the need to as all their energy goes in to their families. I'm "fairly intelligent", but get all the mental stimulation I need from working part time. I'm quite happy to switch into Mum and housewife mode. And slob out infront of the telly and watch crap, brain dead TV.I know lots of women with really good jobs, influence etc. But that isn't just down to brain power, other factors such as leadership/communication/ambition etc come in to play. I think this is a really complex subject, don't feel insulted, they probably feel very guilty that they don't enjoy being at home as much as you do. (Hard day at work and well down a bottle of vino, sorry for rambling!)

Judy1234 · 04/08/2007 14:24

Just depends on the people, male or female. But do note my dementia/mind points because if you don't use it you lose it and I'm sure that applies in your 30s and much as your 40s and then 70a.

"I also wonder whether most of the time women know they are never going to get the really good jobs? The jobs with lots of power and influence?My partner is no cleverer than me... he has an excellent job that he enjoys nearly all the time... no women I know have as much power as he does, and most of my women friends are better qualified and probably more intelligent than he is."

Well you need to move to the UK but anyway that point isn't true even for France. You have female cabinet ministers, don't you? Certainly in London we have loads of female surgeons, heads of things, there's a hedge fund run and owned by a woman. It's not like things were. Girls can achieve what they want. If that's sitting at home watching Jerry Springer whilst eating chips and the children cry in the garden fine, but there really aren't that many barriers to female career enhancement.

tiredemma · 04/08/2007 14:47

I have never said this.

I go to work to be able to afford to live!!!!

For what its worth- I find being at home with the kids much more challenging- they never let me rest! at least at work I can have a coffee break!

tiredemma · 04/08/2007 14:49

oh and ditto choosfloosy.

I would be a crap SAHM- my kids would be watching Tv while I sat on here. seriously.

I admire mums who can sit at a table doing arts and crafts etc, because I could not do it.

LoveAngel · 04/08/2007 20:19

I find being at home a damn sight more taxing than going to work. Work is a break for me - a chance for me to relax my brain!

Original poster
mandalena · 05/08/2007 03:00

Anna 888 thank you, i totally agree.
Oenophile (love the your nickname) i think your post says it all. This is what i wanted to say.
To TheQueenOf Quotes: How sad is this! If you really think that is all about Tweenes and the colour of the snot, then i feel trully sorry for you as you obviously miss out.
To all of you: yesterday my son - who s 3- gave me the best ever analysis on racism and on diference. Trust me children are more intelligent than many adults and they make you to see things from their point of view which is a much more interesting and fascinating point of view. And -if you have a brain- you can learn enormously from them.

OP posts:
NKF · 05/08/2007 13:12

Has anyone ever given up a job they loved to stay at home with children? I don't mean a job they'd become bored by or found too stressful but one they actually liked and enjoyed.

Reallytired · 05/08/2007 21:52

A lot depends on what the job is. Some jobs require more brains than others. Also parenting uses different parts of the brain to doing complex mathematical modelling.

I like the buzz and the pressure of going to work.

morningglory · 05/08/2007 21:59

I gave up my job in San Francisco to join my husband in London after being apart for 3 years (he was supposed to return to the States after one year, which turned into 2, which turned into 3, which turned into indefinite).

Soon after coming, I got pregnant and due to this and also uncertainty about how long we were going to be here, I did not pursue transferring my qualifications. (Would require some exams and about 7 years re-training).

As I said previously, I really enjoyed what I was doing and the environment I was in. Motherhood doesn't give the the same intellectual challenge as what I was doing, nor can I equate the conversations I have with DS to the conversations I had at work (I was surrounded by a group of particularly bright and slightly eccentric people), but it does give me other things. I'm a much softer, more patient, and more tolerent person now.

I'm happy to give my children undivided attention for the early years, but I need to go back to work for my own sake.

sugarmatches · 06/08/2007 01:46

I am the same morningglory. I moved from the States to be with my English dh and was really put off by the fact that I needed different qualifications here.
I had my children and now stay home with them, but it is work.
I do understand what people mean though, because there is a "buzz" in a working environment that you cannot find at home with kids.
But I have to say that I use my brain often enough just trying to keep up with two very active and inquisitive children.

blueshoes · 06/08/2007 10:18

Before I downshifted to my parttime job, I was a professional in a City firm. Worked with people who were at the top of their game. As far as I knew, they were all family men and women. Admittedly they did not spend much time at home during weekdays. They were brilliant. Had to use every once of my limited brain cells to keep up with their conversations, analysis, reasoning and wry humour. I was in awe. I liked that aspect of my job.

I miss that, at home and even in my current pt job.

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