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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About 'using your brain'

161 replies

mandalena · 03/08/2007 00:38

Can someone explain me what they mean when they say 'i m going to work because i want to use my brain'? I find this very insulting for SAHM and nannies
p.S. am NOT attacking working mums, only those who say this

OP posts:
snowleopard · 03/08/2007 11:59

Oh and I've worked all my life and still do as well. I'm self-employed, I don't have a boss, and when I have had one they've been female. It can happen you know.

Nip · 03/08/2007 12:00

I go to work and switch off my brain - does this count?

mslucy · 03/08/2007 12:09

I'm speaking as someone who has always worked and went back to work when ds was very young (5 months).

I'd always been very down on women who didn't work - largely because my mother never worked and I always saw her life as terrible.

I used to see SAHMs as thick or lazy and inferior to women who worked.

I now know that is crap.

Work can be stimulating at times; being with kids is also stimulating.

Work can also be very frustrating and difficult - in an office based environment, it's often more about creeping and crawling than anything else.

re: my comment about male bosses. I genuinely believe that in many industries - and I include my own - that men get preferential treatment and an easier life than women. I earn a good wage and am never out of work - I'm a freelance - but you never get the automatic recognition that men get for doing very little.

I just really wanted to make the point that having a child has opened my eyes and made me a much less narrow minded person.

jojosmaman · 03/08/2007 13:25

I have just returned to work this week and can honestly say that I agree with the comment (although it is worded badly) in that I think I personally needed to come back to work to "use my brain" but in a different way to when I am running the home. I am working part time which suits me as even though I wanted to come back to work I also wanted to spend more time with my 6month old. When I was on full time mat leave I did make a conscious effort not to just talk about babies/ nappies/ sick/ NCT meet ups to child-free friends and DP but sometimes I couldnt think of anything else to say as that was my day! Having said that, I think I have come back to work much more organised than I was and have a much better awareness of time management (hence reading mumsnet threads whilst at work so can spend valuble time with ds and dp tonight!!).

mslucy · 03/08/2007 13:28

god I forgot about the horror of NCT meet ups!

I think they drove me back to work.

The women were so boring and made me feel like a pikey.

Now I know lots of fab mums in the area, plus lots of old friends are mums too, so i don't need to go anywhere near them.

Thank the Lord!

Does anyone else feel the same or was I just unlucky?

blueshoes · 03/08/2007 13:30

Comparing work and SAH-dom (I took a year off on maternity for each of my 2 dcs), looking after small children does not require a lot of brain cells. I have read the full spectrum of parenting and child dev books - that was interesting with dd, but with ds, nothing new. Mn is more interesting now, with anecdotal accounts.

Otherwise, Wheels on the Bus and reading children's books gets a bit wearing.

As for socialising with other mothers, it was pleasant enough but just involved chitchat in each others' houses whilst the children got together and amused themselves. Hardly any cellular activity needed for gossip.

The interesting bits of SAH-dom involved improving my repetoire of homecooked meals, organising the household finances, investments, home inprovements, learning about gardening etc. ie not related to childcare.

As for work, yes, it can be boring. But it can also be as interesting as you want it to be. Depends on the job as well. For me, being in an office gives me sheltered time to devote intense energy and concentration to a project, really crack at a problem. Unfortunately, you don't get that luxury at home. Hence, my brain really does rot somewhat, along with a degree of self-confidence.

Judy1234 · 03/08/2007 13:34

We have had to look into this a lot with my father and his dementia etc post retirement. If as you age you don't do things like crosswords, learning a new language and things like that your brain does deteriorate. Use it or lose it.

Whether I am home with the children or not I always would read the FT (not that that is necessarily the height of brain use), read, write, think etc I don't think being home with children really affects those things and I can't imagine you use your brain much on a Tesco check out although there's a letter in this week's Times from a Tesco checkout person saying they think about philosophy and have 3 higher degrees often and people shouldn't talk about them in disparaging fashion.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 14:53

When I worked I at times had to concentrate so much of my attention and energy on the job that I actually felt and saw myself becoming deskilled in all other areas. Surely whatever you do, you risk becoming very good at what you concentrate your energies on and less good at the things you don't do frequently/at all?

I very much doubt I could build a great Excel spreadsheet today, so in that sense I have become deskilled (albeit at a task I didn't much like) but I have gained other skills in the meantime.

Obviously, if you spend your time vegging in front of the TV/mindlessly watching children in a playground/eating ready meals you might become totally deskilled

Tortington · 03/08/2007 14:55

i dont think its mentally stimulating staying at home and i would use this phrase.

becuase i think staying at home is drudgery akin to domestic slavery.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 14:57

custardo - I'm sorry you feel that way

Tortington · 03/08/2007 14:58

yeah i hated it

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 15:07

Each to her own

Yesterday I had a business meeting, first in absolutely ages. Got all dressed up in Prada suit etc, left daughter with babysitter, got taken to lunch on terrace at Market (v fashionable restaurant at bottom of Champs-Elysées).

God was I glad to get home

Tortington · 03/08/2007 15:11

see to me that beats the shit out of changing nappies - there is just no comparison.

a walk to the shop without twin pram and a three year old was a treat

meandmyflyingmachine · 03/08/2007 15:12

I am a SAHM and am doing an OU degree. I really think it all depends on where your intellectual curiosity lies. I can well believe that Anna8888 for example can gain satisfaction from her analysis of family dynamics and negotiation. I can see that someone with an interest in child development would find the devlopment of their own child fascinating. And God knows many parents become bores, sorry, experts in all sorts of subjects.

But I can also see that this may well not be a good fit for other people's interests. My dh did a stint as a SAHD and would not go back to it. He thought he would love it because it gave him the chance to do all the practical things he missed in his job (engineer), but turned out that he needed the theory as well as the practice. And a broad enough canvas on which to practice. For me, the study of a new discipline suits my intellectual style if you like. I am finding it hugely rewarding. And I get to see some of the child development stuff up close as well.

I think everyone needs 'work' that suits them, that gives their brain a satisfying workout. But the form that work takes is not the same for everyone.

pointydog · 03/08/2007 15:14

that all sounds very grand, anna, but did you actually use your brain?

sparklesandwine · 03/08/2007 15:21

although the conversation is sometimes...erm...limited and I do have these sudden panics occassionaly (had one yesterday in fact and spent the entire day crying) that i have no identity, no interests, no free time etc etc and crave the 'grown up' world i also know that i could never go back to work for someone else while the kids are small i ultimately want to be with them and help them grow

I don't use my brain as much as I use to and i know this (so to the OP no it doesn't offend me) but I chose to be a sahm and while a part of me goes numb to the bone every now and then i can change this and make it what i want to be at home - when i feel like this i generally read alot more than usual and go out with friends alot more than usual which helps too

eleusis · 03/08/2007 15:21

Was the bit about the prada suit relevant or did you just want us all to know your proper status on the Parisian social scene?

Katy44 · 03/08/2007 15:31

I read that as panda suit

stressteddy · 03/08/2007 15:32

katy
I'm soooo glad panda's are back in - I really was getting sick of the tiger look. It's sooo last season
!!
Love it

Katy44 · 03/08/2007 15:38

I know, and the tails were so hard to stop trailing on the floor and getting mucky

SueBaroo · 03/08/2007 15:46

As for work, yes, it can be boring. But it can also be as interesting as you want it to be.

---------

See, blueshoes, I'd say that about being at home, too.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 15:50

pointydog - well, it was a business meeting... and there was a follow up... so I imagine that the people I was meeting with thought I'd used my brain to their satisfaction

The point about the Prada suit and the nice restaurant was that I was in a business situation in the best possible conditions (because work can be in horrible places, in which case it's a bit of a no-brainer to prefer being at home) and I'm still very glad to get home

meandmyflyingmachine · 03/08/2007 15:52

Why did you have the business meeting?

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 15:53

I'm starting a job in the autumn, once my daughter is settled in school. It was preliminary to that.

Tortington · 03/08/2007 15:54

well anna8888 i hope it went very well.