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Original poster

About 'using your brain'

161 replies

mandalena · 03/08/2007 00:38

Can someone explain me what they mean when they say 'i m going to work because i want to use my brain'? I find this very insulting for SAHM and nannies
p.S. am NOT attacking working mums, only those who say this

OP posts:
LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 03/08/2007 08:58

Flame, up until two weeks ago I was in your position exactly. I too worked at home alone, fitting it round the children. On good days, it's the best of all worlds. Money coming in, with no hassle and no juggling. On the bad days, it's the worst of all worlds. Having to do something you wouldn't choose to do if you didn't get paid for it, while not having the social stimulation going into another environment provides. I don't think you can say that working from home is the same as being a SAHM - it is completely different, your time is not totally your own, to dispose of as you wish, you have to do the work your paid for.

It's too early for me to say if doing it has affected my brainpower. I'm flaky and disorganised, but then, I was that before I had children, so no change there.

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 08:59

LittleBellatrix - yes, and I find that the women I know who are the most contented as SAHMs tend to be pretty highly qualified/travelled and use the same autonomous personality and intellectual resources that enabled them to get their PhDs/travel the world/whatever to manage their family lives so that they are interesting and fulfilling for everyone.

mummymagic · 03/08/2007 08:59

Am a SAHM. Think I use my brain a fair bit in probably the same way I did when I was a teacher eg being constantly alert and on-the-ball, thinking of creative ways to distract and discipline. Planning interesting, engaging things to do.

Personally I do find child development intellectually stimulating (love developing theories about sleep, discipline, play)- but I think its horses for courses. Eg for me language development is fascinating but I did study Lingistics at university, I guess if your interest is law its harder to get excited about the fact that your child said 'ran' then 'runned'...

LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 03/08/2007 09:00

mummymagic agree, the linguistic development is so fascinating to watch in action

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 09:03

Agree again on the linguistic development and, since my daughter is growing up bilingual, it provides double the fascination .

Flamestorm · 03/08/2007 09:12

No, I meant for me I have done the 4 years of just SAHMdom, and now I am a WFHM (or WIHM?!?) and I feel like my brain is being stretched again. But I can't put it down to routine, interaction or anything.

Does that make sense?

I do think though that had I made more of an effort to keep doing something like studying, then I would have been better

Oenophile · 03/08/2007 09:19

Things that 'use my brain' come from inside, not outside. On the whole I've found jobs actually leave less time for independent thought and creativity. At home I'm never bored and have a huge range of interests and hobbies. It seems strange to me that these days, encouraged by the government, we are supposed to believe that only working (as in paid employment) can lead to a fulfilled life - nonsense.

I believe that intelligence often brings with it less tendency to boredom as you have the facility within yourself to find entertainment in anything. This applies to 'gifted' children too. We are lucky enough to have a huge range of entertainments and resources available to us nowadays - the internet, books, radio, sport (even walking) and frankly I feel pretty dismissive of people who claim they're bored and not "using their brains" when not employed - all you need to entertain yourself is within you.

Agree that 'having adult conversations' is another matter entirely, however. Certainly the 24/7 company of only the under-twos can feel a little stultifying, just occasionally, and it's lovely to get a break from that for short periods, by meeting with other mums or having a few hours off to do your own thing and think your own thoughts.

LittleBellatrixLeBoot · 03/08/2007 09:24

Yes it does, but you weren't a SAHM were you? Weren't you working from home? Which I do think is different. I often felt bored and frustrated and ended up spending far too much time on Mumsnet in order to avoid doing my paid work. Whereas if I'd not had to do that, if my time had been my own to dispose of, I would (possibly) have been doing other, more interesting stuff and wouldn't have got so bored. (Although perhaps I just lack motivation and would have spent lots of time farting about and being bored as a SAHM as well - I've only been a FT SAHM for a few months and never got bored, but I think it's impossible to say what your response will be until you've actually done it. I really don't feel I was a SAHM, that's what I meant about working at home being the worst of all worlds on the bad days. All the disadvantages of work in terms of it taking up your time, with none of the benefits apart from the money.)

mummymagic · 03/08/2007 09:26

Oenophile - totally agree.

MaloryTheExciterTowers · 03/08/2007 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startouchedtrinity · 03/08/2007 09:54

I did all the baby/parenting/developement books with dd1 - less with dd2 - now with ds I don't need them. So there's not that level of stimulation, in the sense of learning a new skill, although there is the same satisfaction in watching his developement. Dd1 now being at school changes things too - she can read quite fluently so she often goes off with dd2 and they curl up to read and play together - I love the holidays because dd2 regards me as a poor substitute for her sister!

Katy44 · 03/08/2007 10:07

I can only talk for having a baby as I have a 14 week old. In my last job I regularly came home having been mentally challenged all day without a break. Now, that's less so, but I don't think it's because looking after a child is any easier. I still use my brain to think of new stuff to try with him, work out what he wants or understand his personality, and I regularly research his development or the next step, usually on MN (yes, it's a PFB). But, by the very fact he's a baby, there is a lot of nappy changing, feeding, burping and clothes changing that tends to take up a significant part of the day, and is fairly routine and mundane. As he gets older and can do more for himself I expect there to be less of that and more of the other stuff.
Hope you understand what I mean, not had much sleep (something else that wasn't a problem with my other job!)

Flamestorm · 03/08/2007 10:10

It's NOT that you don't "use your brain" - it is just that it gives a different kind of brain stretching (obviously in the right job).

For 4 years I just did being a mum, occasional housework. The last 6 months I have been working, learning new skills etc.

Maybe I am just feeling more fulfilled in general because I have more to focus on. If I had put more effort into thinking about more than just the children before I probably wouldn't be feeling the same sudden brain activity.

For me, being a mother has been instinct and common sense based. Working is more knowledge based.

A bit like with The Owl Who Was Afraid of the Dark - my mouse hole has been filled, but there is still space in my tummy for a bit of vole

allgonebellyup · 03/08/2007 10:15

i have to say i dont feel like im using my brain by being a SAHM and nanny.
i have always studied in the evenings and this does use parts of my brain that conversations with 3yr olds does not!!

i think its true that a lot of people go back to work to use their brains, mine feels all mushy and crap if im not doing academic stuff.
i cant wait to train for a proper career when ds starts school as i find the whole humdrum world of cbeebies and playcentres is DRIVING ME CRAZY!!

And i personally cant wait to start my real life again!!

pistachio · 03/08/2007 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pruners · 03/08/2007 10:29

Message withdrawn

Anna8888 · 03/08/2007 10:33

Pistachio - on the raising bilingual children issue, there is lots of interesting theory about that is worth reading, IMO . And, seeing lots of French-English bilingual children around me, I have comparisons to make with other children of my daughter's age (2.9) and find it interesting to see/analyse how in some families one language emerges as the dominant language and how other families manage to keep both languages developing simultaneously.

ratfly · 03/08/2007 10:36

havent read whole thread. Maybe some people dont feel intellectually stimulated being at home.
While on maternity leave, I felt totally mentally stimulated, but when I went back to work, I felt myself again. Doesnt mean you have no identity / not using your brain etc if SAHM, just I felt I need part-time work to see to the planning, organising, creative, managing etc part of me that looking after a young baby just doesnt yet fulfil. Ironically I am a primary school teacher, so I don't get much adult conversation anyway! But I do get to use my brain in a different way to when I am at home looking after ds...

startouchedtrinity · 03/08/2007 10:48

When you have one child your entire focus is on them and you do have the freedom to take your baby on intellectual trips to art galleries and have long lunches in cafes. With three I have to do mundane stuff all day long - make breakfast, make three lots of mush for ds each day, wipe down the high chair, wash up, dry up, put washing on, hang it out, get it in. Trips have to be fitted in around naps and meal times. I am constantly trying to juggle between dd1's need to have change and variety and dd2 and ds's liking for routine and stability. I get very little freedom and much of what I do is as dull as being in an office - I just get three charming companions sitting in the kitchen with me.

snowleopard · 03/08/2007 10:58

I agree it;s maybe a slightly lazy thing to say. I've said it in the past but what i mean is that part of my brain that work uses - my work is a very specific, intellectual, research-based and creative activity and if I'm not doing it I really miss it. I can only describe it as comparable to the feling you get after a physical workout - that your muscles have been stretched and used and it feels good. That is the main reason I work part-time (as well as the money) - because my brain would be miserable otherwise. That's not to say on my SAHM days I don't use my brain - I really do - but in different capacities - management, imagination, emotional control, multi-tasking etc.

SueBaroo · 03/08/2007 11:33

home-ed and writing works for me when it comes to keeping my brain in check. It takes quite a bit of intelligence to clean a bath, you know. That's how I know dh is thicker than me, cos he never thinks to do it.

Pruners · 03/08/2007 11:39

Message withdrawn

mslucy · 03/08/2007 11:41

Um - they're lying?
Most people go to work for MONEY.
If this isn't the main resaon, it's because their identity is tied up with a career/job and they are scared to let go.

Most jobs involve sitting on your arse and taking orders from a dickhead (usually a bloke).

I've worked all my life and still do, so I should know!

And I have a "good" job Gin

mslucy · 03/08/2007 11:44

I mean not gin

snowleopard · 03/08/2007 11:58

Erm, MsLucy what are you saying - that we shouldn't go to work because of those dickhead male bosses?

Perhaps if women do go to work, then not so many of those bosses will me men/dickheads in the future? (Though I'm not saying all mothrs should work - I think it's their choice/business.)

I'm not lying and I'm not scared. Yes, my identity is partly defined by my career - just as it is party defined by my roles as mum, partner etc. So what?