About 'using your brain'

[mandalena]

Can someone explain me what they mean when they say 'i m going to work because i want to use my brain'? I find this very insulting for SAHM and nannies
p.S. am NOT attacking working mums, only those who say this

lol...
well apparently us sahm don't use it, cos if they would tey wouldn't want to stay with their children or some such thing...utter bollox of course...hohum

I find lots of sahms use this expression to explain why they do courses or volunteer work. I would never say this!!

YANBU I hate this too.

well come on - discussing the day to day life of the tweenies and the colour of snot is hardly taxing, and doesn't really do much to keep the old grey matter "sharp" does it!

mandalena,

I am a stay at home and I get it. I have conversations with kids all day. Sometimes I feel out of the loop. Kid conversations are not always the most stimulating. Work is one way to have that kind of stimulation. I think it could have been worded better but if this is what they meant, it makes sense.

Perhaps they mean they don't want to indulge in the daily drudgery that is SAHM-ism? Perhaps they fear they'll lose some mental sharpness or professional skill and competency?

I'm mainly SAH, once in a while I have a short contract and go and work full time. It is more cerebral, I do feel that a bit of "rust" needs shifting before I'm comfortable working again.

So I do see what the phrase means. Does have a smug and sneery ring to it though, I agree.

Perhaps it would be easier if you explained how you feel that you are using your intellectual abilities whilst at home raising your children.

It would give people something to focus on, IYSWIM.

NOBiggy...but if you been out of the loop for a while it is only natural to be rusty, the same would be if you do some different job for a bit and go back to an old one....nothing to do with being a SAHM!
However...I have also made jokes about loosing the white matter and it being something to do wiht having Kids...with me it's more though, that I blame pregnancy as they have proven that womens brains change in pregnancny , etc....but that is just to make excuses for myself of course

i was a nanny and a nursery school teacher
i find being on my own with a young child demands use of my brain
i do miss having adult conversion hence why i use mn
it is routine things children need and some people
hate that
i will be wracking my brain later as it is peeing down here

soapbox - I can't answer for the OP, but I can answer for me (and I am sure I am not the only one).

My family is composed of me (English/atheist Anglican/brought up in another European country), my partner (Parisian French/Alsation Jewish), our daughter (2.9) and, for the half the time, my two stepsons (12, 10). My family and my partner's family me very different outlooks on life, informed by different cultural/social backgrounds and we grew up with different assumptions about behaviour and life's priorities. When bringing up the children we constantly have different reflexes and it takes an enormous amount of time and energy to dismantle those reflexes without argument, in a cool and rational fashion, and take decisions as to how we wish to behave in our family. And then we also have to execute those behaviours in our family, which is not always as easy as knowing what you would like to to - reflexes are hard to undo and change.

So, personally, quite aside from the logistics of life, I find the analysis/negotiation side of our family life very interesting and rewarding, interspersed with moments of intense frustration. And it makes me realise just how much influence you have on your children and to what extent they become independent thinkers or not. Basically we try to discuss every course of action with them, so that they know why they are being asked to do things, not just brainwashing them into thinking they should.

To the OP - I think that the idea that people need to go back to work to use their brain is not so much insulting to other SAHMs and nannies as a reflection on the speaker's own lack of independent thought and action . Being a SAHM gives one glorious freedom to manage one's own life - but of course you need the skills and imagination to do that. Some people can't function ("use their brain") unless it is solicited by a structure external to themselves

I'm a SAHM and I study part-time. I find the two things totally different and studying does give my intellect a workout, whereas parenting exercises my common sense a lot more. Of the two, I find locating my common sense by far the most challenging!

But nothing is more rewarding than being a SAHM as far as I am concerned - I recognise it's not like that for everyone and that's fine too.

A friend who's on maternity leave recently told me that she's desperate to get back to work because she feels she has no 'identity' at home. Happily, I know my own identity despite being a SAHM.

I agree totally with Anna. I do lots to use my brain as a SAHM. It just takes more imagination and self discipline.

I think its how the parent uses the time at home with the dc. If she chooses not to spend time with other parents and simply stay at home doing housework all day and only talking to the dc until dh gets home - then i can understand it.
I have been a sahm for 5yrs on and off and i love being at home, but money forces me to work now, but ive managed to get away with it until they are both at school as of this september. During my time off work ive made a concious effort to keep active and occupied, i mix with other mums regularly. Plus the fact of helping to run dh business and dealing with accountants and i have also been doing some training.

So i really feel its how you spend the time as to weather you get brain dead or not.

For myself - since starting as a SAHM 4 years ago, I have felt very fuzzy headed. I used to be able to think things through quickly, understand scientific concepts easily and I have been getting baffled by very basic things (I remember a discussion about ear infections and antibiotics, and what would have been obvious to me before, needed explaining and re-reading several times!). As the years have passed, as much as I have enjoyed being with my children, my brain hasn't been taxed in the same way it used to be.

Since starting working again I am having to think harder, learn more obviously, and yes, I do feel my brain is being much more stimulated.

I am noticing it most with books - I am back into reading all the hidden bits (wrong term, but you know what I mean!), whereas I had found myself more and more just reading them at face value.

I'm a sahm

my brain is f*cked!

I think if you take on board the fact that most work, let's face it, does not require people to use their brain to any large extent, what people actually mean by this is ?I need the time-structure and social stimulation which the workplace provides because the social networks and intellectual resources available to me as a SAHM are inadequate.? Why they are inadequate is a whole big can of worms which I can't be arsed to open right now.

Bringing up children and keeping your brain alert for adult stuff is a really tough call and not everyone can do it. I tend to agree with Anna here, some people simply don?t have the personal resources to be able to keep themselves socially and intellectually stimulated without the enormous help work provides in the form of an instant network and tasks to focus on which actually get finished and which get recognition. Work provides an instant social network and motivator which makes up for the juggling of childcare and logistical difficulties it presents and that is very useful for many people. Hence the mental health problems suffered by people deprived of work through redundancy, retirement, and dare I say it, motherhood. We live in a culture where most of the time, most of us organise our lives around our work. To suddenly not have that structure and motivation, can be a big shock and the understandable response from some people is "Oh god get me back into the job market".

I think people who express that response are only irritating and insulting if they refuse to understand that unlike them, some people do have the personal resources to cope without the structure of the work place and still keep sane.

sleep deprivation is what effects my mental capacity - after 3 years of broken nights i fully expect my funtionality has been impaired... i do plan to return to study then work if finances allow. I agree it is up to the individual to use the time sahm-dom allows, to stimulate themselves as well as children. I have never listened to so much radio 4 - sometimes i worry about the affect that is having!!

I do think for me I've needed to use my brain less and my common sense more with each child - I'm on no 3 and there's nothing like the learning curve for one. I hated 'the workplace' and don't do the mums' coffee moring circuit either - I have a group of friends I meet up with.

startouched - I'm sure you are right about the learning curve being steepest with the first child... and I got my first child and two stepsons (from a different culture) almost simultaneously, so my learning curve was pretty steep

Ok Bellatrix - now use that arguement for me... working from home, alone, slotting it in around children.

Maybe if I had had more "personal resources" to enable me to keep learning a new subject or something I would feel different

I am clearly just emotionally stunted.

I was lucky enough to have 2 years at home with my dc, and as much as I enjoyed it I do feel I use my brain a lot more since being back at work.