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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say - It really is just one day

78 replies

Scentsandsensible · 08/08/2019 20:11

I see so many brides on here, and irl getting so her up about a single issue about their wedding. I was the same- spent £300 on veil - that I just “had” to have. Was panic shopping two days before for bridesmaid gifts etc.

I’ve now been married for about 5 years and within a month thought - I loved it, but all that money - all that fuss- it was just ONE DAY.

I’m not talking about marriage, simply weddings, id to remind panicking brides to be that - honestly - afterwards you will remember it fondly, it will be a great day, but it really is just one (that tbh you can only half remember as it goes so quickly).

Aibu to ask - if you’re married - be honest - do you feel the same?

OP posts:
Smurfy23 · 08/08/2019 20:13

Yup. Had a lovely day, I didnt lose the plot either but part of me wishes we had just eloped....

Quaffy · 08/08/2019 20:15

I don’t agree really! Obviously it is one day and it is the marriage which is important. But saying my vows to my husband was the best moment of my life (at that point pre-baby!) and I don’t regret wanting to make a big day of it.

I think provided people are considerate hosts, they should have the wedding they want and yes it’s just one day, but it’s an important one!

sailorcherries · 08/08/2019 20:17

We wanted to go away or have a small do - large house, humanist and get a caterer in for less than 20 with the idea to make a weekend out of it. Both parents (mums) were dead set against it.

We spent less on our entire day than a colleague is spending on flowers and I was happier throughout the process (although not as happy as I'd have been should I have had my first choice) than she is. She is stressing about bloody invitations, paying around £10 a pop, what colour LED uplights to have, what colour LED dancefloor and whether 2+ hours for pictures is enough time. Weddings can be ridiculous.

Original poster
Scentsandsensible · 08/08/2019 20:19

@sailorcherries see - coloured uplighters - that’s the exact sort of thing that I stressed about.

OP posts:
HeyMonkey · 08/08/2019 20:20

We're getting married soon. Registry office then pub. 👍

PooWillyBumBum · 08/08/2019 20:23

We did registry office then a curry with 8 of us. Then knocked £20k off the mortgage. Perfect. Our wedding night was spent on the sofa watching Peep Show and drinking champagne from the bottle.

Original poster
Scentsandsensible · 08/08/2019 20:23

@Quaffy I do know what you mean, but honestly it’s the craziness that overtakes over small things

People get into debt (we took a loan for some of it- so guilty there) fall out with family, etc and it’s just a single day.

Don’t get me wrong - I wouldn’t go back and change it - my wedding was amazing and we were old enough and lucky to afford it (loan was just easier than keep forking out in dribs and drabs).

OP posts:
OrangeCinnamon · 08/08/2019 20:23

It is just one day. The ceremony is the most important and long lasting bit but that doesn't mean you have to.have those ceiling fairy lights or it will be crap! I got my agree OP

JacquesHammer · 08/08/2019 20:24

We loved our wedding day. We still talk about it fondly even though we’re divorced and he’s married again.

Fatted · 08/08/2019 20:28

Looking back I do think I got sucked into the machine with it all. It was a lovely day. But just one day. Knowing how things have been since then I wish we didn't spend as much money as we did on it. We had a lot of friends getting married at the same time, so it did get a little bit like bride wars or four weddings trying to keep up. I was also the first one of my siblings to get married so my mum in particular pushed for the big do as well.

The worst was a woman I worked with who was a horrible piece of work was also planning her wedding and she really was bitter and spiteful about everything with mine. I never really discussed it in work unless asked. I didn't tell anyone I was getting my dress and had let slip in conversation afterwards about I'd gone dress shopping with my mum. Everyone else was asking about my dress. First thing this bat asked was the cost. Knowing full well my mum was paying for my dress with my recently deceased grandmother's inheritance. I am embarrassed about how stressed I let myself get over it all. Ten years later DH and I are still married. She never actually got married in the end and it's just so sad I let her get under my skin with it all.

ScreamingValenta · 08/08/2019 20:30

I felt that way at the time and had a very small, no fuss wedding. I have never regretted not having a big wedding.

Bezalelle · 08/08/2019 20:31

It's not just "one day" though, is it? And you don't get brownie points for spending £20 and having it down the pub. It means different things to different people. Sure, some get carried away. But it isn't for anyone to tell others how to conceptualise it.

user1493413286 · 08/08/2019 20:31

Yep I agree although I imagine even if I went back in time I’d still be caught up in the idea of a perfect day and only “doing this once”

IndianaMoleWoman · 08/08/2019 20:32

I don’t regret a penny spent, but I didn’t spend much - we had a very small wedding abroad then went off on honeymoon, which we spent most of the money on. It was the right thing for us, but for some people fewer than 300 people and not inviting Aunt Doris’s neighbour’s dog’s window cleaner would be unthinkable.

I think YABU because everyone has their own priorities and however you choose to spend your wedding day, and whatever it costs, is a highly personal decision and as such what is right for one person isn’t the right thing for everyone else.

PixieLumos · 08/08/2019 20:32

We kept it fairly simple compared to others. It was a really special day because our family and friends live all over the country and some in another country, so having them all in one place was amazing. Otherwise, like you say it really is just one day. Definitely glad we didn’t spend more than we did.

vasya · 08/08/2019 20:36

It is just one day - but probably also the only day in your life where nearly everyone you love is in the same place at the same time. That was so special to me.

That said, I agree it's absolutely not worth getting into a tizz over. Only spend what you can afford (both time and money!) and remember that on the day the people you love are what matters, not the colour of your confetti.

Original poster
Scentsandsensible · 08/08/2019 20:37

I will confess - I wouldn’t change it, or the amount that we spent on the actual wedding - it was spectacular (honestly I would post a photo of it wouldn’t out me) but it’s more the stress over the “co-incidentals. Like the expensive “wrap” that I didnt wear, the postbox bought just for the day etc.

OP posts:
Bbang · 08/08/2019 20:37

We’re eloping to Vegas! Just the two of us, get married and have the honeymoon all in one week. Can’t wait, it’s way more up our street than a big white wedding. I always did want to see the Grand Canyon . .

53rdWay · 08/08/2019 20:39

I am happy with how mine went. But I fell out massively with my DM because she really really cared about a lot of things that I didn’t care about, and I thought she was needlessly stressing herself about table decorations and she thought I was needlessly stressing her by not even planning anything about table decorations so she’d have to pick up the slack. We made up but I sort of wish I had put more effort in to all the little details, just to avoid all that. Sad

Twickerhun · 08/08/2019 20:40

It is just one day, we had an amazing party and a quirky ceremony. But it’s really just that.
I’m soo glad we didn’t go over the top worrying about decorations etc.

EssentialHummus · 08/08/2019 20:43

Yup. Ours was very low key, and perfect for us. I guess others can do what they like but the whole "getting in debt to pay for the wedding" thing turns my stomach.

PinkyPrincessy · 08/08/2019 20:47

That’s fine if you don’t want a big expensive do but please don’t knock those who do want that. I grew up piss poor, never thinking I would get married. We were able to have the perfect day that we want, that even now 12 years on we don’t regret a single penny.

ArfArfBarf · 08/08/2019 20:50

Ours was big (didn’t go into debt either, just saved for a year). I LOVED it. Was the best party with both our massive families and lots of friends. I remember looking around and thinking how amazing it was to have everyone we loved celebrating with us.

LuckyLou7 · 08/08/2019 20:52

It's entirely up to the couple getting married what sort of celebration they want. My DD and her wife just went to the registry office with two friends - neither woman wanted a big flashy event and it was just after same sex weddings had been made legal and they didn't want to be in the papers Grin

Me and DH had a church wedding back in the 80's, and the whole day was like a massive party with us as the stars, it was fabulous. We had the function room above the pub and a buffet and DJ. Cheesy as anything! It didn't cost a lot, and there wasn't the emphasis back then on all the extras that people feel they have to have, these days.

But if people want to spend tons of money on their big day, then that's fine - but don't get into heaps of debt because of wanting everything to be absolutely perfect.

If I got married again - highly unlikely as DH and I are still alive and kicking and will be for years to come, I hope - I'd book one of those wedding holiday packages for just me and him.

blueiris71 · 08/08/2019 20:54

when we eloped many years ago and had a handful of guests to our oversea wedding, some people were critical. They said they wouldn't have that sort of wedding. They were surprised that we didn't want a grand do.
-they are all now divorced and we're still together-

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