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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend ended our 16 year friendship ..aibu to think I wasn't in the wrong?

89 replies

tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:32

We have been friends for years now.
It's always been a weird one,she would put me down a lot and try and order me around,it went on that long I put up with it.
My friend is friends with 3 girls through work.
I met them when we went on a night out and got on well with them.
They added me to their group chat and we all got chatting.
They started inviting me on nights out and weekends away and they were lovely girls.
Every time my "friend" would try and be little me in front of them and make me look stupid.
We went on a weekend away and after my friend immediately stopped speaking to me.
I text her and she said she no longer wanted to be friends as at the weekend away I didn't spend Much time with her (she was miserable that I was there and was trying to exclude me)
Anyway she removed me from the group chat and I'm no longer invited on the nights out /weekends away
The girls have been messaging me saying she is being pathetic and hope we sort it out.
Aibu to think she's made this argument up as I was making friends with these girls and she didn't like it?
By her not being my friend anymore means I no longer will be invited.
I'm really hurt

OP posts:
Thehop · 08/08/2019 12:34

Can you invite these new friends out under your own steam?

Elliebellbell · 08/08/2019 12:34

Make a new group chat without her and start making your own plans

Original poster
tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:35

@Thehop me and one of the girls went for tea and after that my friend went ballistic with this girl ..so this girl has said we best not hang out again till me and her are friends
She doesn't want to make friends tho.

OP posts:
x2boys · 08/08/2019 12:36

She sounds jealous and not much of a friend? Can you stay friends with these other women irrespective of your " friend"?

MatildaTheCat · 08/08/2019 12:36

Just invite the others out and set up a new group. Doesn’t sound as if they like her much anyway.

Piffle11 · 08/08/2019 12:37

She was never a friend. Friends don't put you down, belittle you in front of others, or try and make you feel bad about yourself. If you try and 'sort it out' with her then you are effectively telling her that she can treat you like shit and you're prepared to take it in order to be able to hang around with her. If these other girls aren't prepared to see you without her, then I'm afraid you are going to have to accept that they are putting her first, and cut your losses. Find some proper friends.

CalmdownJanet · 08/08/2019 12:39

Well she's not a friend and no loss at all, she used you as a punchbag to dish out insults and you making friends with her friends means she couldn't do that and not get rumbled for being a bitch.

So now you need to forget her but work on how you stay friends with the others without her, if you even want that or if it's even possible.

GroggyLegs · 08/08/2019 12:40

I agree with above.
You've made friends on your own terms now, invite them for coffee/ cinema whatever.
Maybe one on one at first so it's not a blatant 'you're not invited' to your original 'friend', because as one at f the mutual friends, I'd be really uncomfortable with that.

But she doesn't own you, or them and it's fuck all to do with her if you carry in the friendships.

Did you call her out on her behaviour btw?

Singlenotsingle · 08/08/2019 12:40

It's all a bit schoolgirly isn't it?

DowntonCrabby · 08/08/2019 12:41

Keep well away from her and hope the others have the maturity to realise they can keep in touch with you without my her permission or even knowledge.

Mileysmiley · 08/08/2019 12:41

She sounds jealous and controlling, I would ditch her because with friends like her who needs enemies.

BlingLoving · 08/08/2019 12:42

Clearly she's not a friend and is deeply insecure. You should aim to build individual or group relationships with these other women if you want to now, and if they don't want to then that's fine too.

Having said that, i think introducing friends to each other who then become "better" friends can be very fought. I'm not sure there's an appropriate etiquette or whatever, but there's no doubt that for some people it's too complicated to mix friendship groups.

Original poster
tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:42

It's pathetic but she is the one who created the situation.
I don't understand the way her mind works.

OP posts:
FallenSky · 08/08/2019 12:43

How old are you all? Your "friend" is being ridiculous and I think you're right that she's jealous you have made friends with the others. You definitely don't sound like you've done anything wrong. The other friends don't sound too great either to be honest. If I was genuinely friends with someone I wouldn't let another friend tell me who "allowed" to spend time with!

I know it's not nice but I'd ditch them all.

Jojobears · 08/08/2019 12:44

Invite each one of the other girls to hang out individually (lunch, coffee, whatever)

Original poster
tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:45

I'm 30 but the age ranges from (30-43)

OP posts:
MediocreOmens · 08/08/2019 12:47

I think this is the other side of a "Wendy" story!

OP I'm not saying that the way your friend has treated you is ok, but I do wonder if she feels completely pushed out of what was her group of friends initially and is acting out.

Lazydaisies · 08/08/2019 12:47

I think you have a pretty good handle on what has gone wrong. She had friends, she introduced you to them, they gelled better with you, she felt pushed out and decided to push you out first. Personally I would cut and run. I know you will miss out on the friend group but if they are unwilling to go against her that is lost anyway. It is a pity but there really is not much you can do.

Nanny0gg · 08/08/2019 12:50

It's a reverse Wendy.

'Friend' worried that the OP would take her friends away so she's pre-empted the situation by excluding the OP.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 08/08/2019 12:54

What's a Wendy?

titchy · 08/08/2019 12:54

Message the others: 'Hi everyone. Really sorry about the situation with x and myself. I would love for it to be resolved but unfortunately x doesn't seem to want that. I've had a lovely time at our get-togethers, and think a great deal of you all, and woudl love to be able to continue to meet up from time to time. Howevrer I understand if that's too uncomfortable given the situation, and if so I wish you all the best very best. Warm wishes, OP'

And leave it in their court.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 08/08/2019 12:58

I can't understand any adult woman stopping seeing someone for coffee etc, just because another friend doesn't like that person.

It's just silly.

If I had a "friend" who tried to control my other friendships like this, she would be the one getting kicked into touch. None of us need that shit!

HisBetterHalf · 08/08/2019 12:59

Why are the others allowing her to behave like this?

Original poster
tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:59

I just wish we could all be friends.
I actually want to sort it out with friend but she won't.
I've tried and tried and tried

OP posts:
ThatCurlyGirl · 08/08/2019 13:00

Someone who belittles you is a dick.

Someone who is not concerned about your feelings when you say you felt belittled, even if they don't think that's what they did, is a dick.

Friends aren't dicks to each other. Let her go.

Sorry OP I know it's a horrible thing to happen but she's shown her true colours. As I said, even if I didn't think I had at all, if a friend said I'd upset them I would really want to rectify it, not punish them!

Poor you :(

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