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AIBU?

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Original poster

My friend ended our 16 year friendship ..aibu to think I wasn't in the wrong?

89 replies

tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 12:32

We have been friends for years now.
It's always been a weird one,she would put me down a lot and try and order me around,it went on that long I put up with it.
My friend is friends with 3 girls through work.
I met them when we went on a night out and got on well with them.
They added me to their group chat and we all got chatting.
They started inviting me on nights out and weekends away and they were lovely girls.
Every time my "friend" would try and be little me in front of them and make me look stupid.
We went on a weekend away and after my friend immediately stopped speaking to me.
I text her and she said she no longer wanted to be friends as at the weekend away I didn't spend Much time with her (she was miserable that I was there and was trying to exclude me)
Anyway she removed me from the group chat and I'm no longer invited on the nights out /weekends away
The girls have been messaging me saying she is being pathetic and hope we sort it out.
Aibu to think she's made this argument up as I was making friends with these girls and she didn't like it?
By her not being my friend anymore means I no longer will be invited.
I'm really hurt

OP posts:
lisbonholiday · 08/08/2019 15:02

Aibu to think she's made this argument up as I was making friends with these girls and she didn't like it?

Yep it's a control/jealousy thing. I've seen this before when the friendship group shifts and changes and people can't handle it.

I'd say leave her to it, very insecure.

Drum2018 · 08/08/2019 15:11

Fgs maintain some dignity and walk away from this sham of a friendship. You have been emotionally abused by this bitch for years and yet you are trying to get back in her good books? If the other women are so pathetic that they can't stand up for themselves and be friends with you, independent of her, then they are not worth having as friends. To hell with the lot of them. Focus on other friends or on making new ones who treat you with respect.

JustDanceAddict · 08/08/2019 15:17

She’s well jel, sadly. I think you’ll have to move on

southernbelles · 08/08/2019 15:21

Urgghhh I've got a 'friend' like this OP. She has this weird power over her friends, because people are too afraid to call her out on her behaviour as she gets very nasty. She has always had issues in the past if she introduces people to each other & they become friends, she'll talk about them behind their backs - 'I don't know who she thinks she is trying to meet up with X, he was MY friend first' Hmm she also bitches about friends behind their backs & frequently falls out with her friends for months at a time if they stand up to her. She's 34.

I've gone extremely low contact with her ie I never initiate contact. Still haven't cut her out completely!

Davespecifico · 08/08/2019 15:28

You really, really need to end this friendship. Do it without drama, just no longer be available to see her. You will never change her.

Regarding the other girls, it may be, sadly, that you need to start afresh without them so that you’ve no ties to her.

Tabitha005 · 08/08/2019 15:45

Your 'friend' sounds like a brattish teenager and, as you say, her shitty behaviour has been going on for a long time and you've 'put up with it'.

You're worth more than that as a friend and it sounds like you've been this bitch's doormat for too long.

Were it me, I'd consider myself freed from the tyranny of having to 'put up with' being treated so poorly by someone with such childish preoccupations of how friendships should be conducted.

In short: fuck her off and move on.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2019 15:50

I'd also assume there were two sides to this story. Like you were trying to exlude her and muscle in on her friends, as she has basically said.

Basically she's saying you were wendying her so she's cut you loose.

Still going on the weekend even though none of the four want you there takes some balls, so I'd wonder if what she is saying is true.

Pol16 · 08/08/2019 15:51

I think Titchy’s comment was really helpful; a great template for a text to the others in the group. They may be too nervous of making your ‘friend’ angry, so sadly you may not be able to remain friends with them. However, if they don’t have the strength to stand up to her then you’re probably better letting it go, difficult as this may be.

probstimeforanewname · 08/08/2019 15:56

me and one of the girls went for tea and after that my friend went ballistic with this girl ..so this girl has said we best not hang out again till me and her are friends

doesn't sound much like either of them are worth hanging out with - one is wet and the other is a bully.

PrincessScarlett · 08/08/2019 16:10

Ditch the lot of them. You deserve better friends than these bitches. And the ones that have stood by and let you by treated this way are just as bad.

GabsAlot · 08/08/2019 16:15

They all sound like school girls-they should be tellingher they'll see who they want not cowardly running away

81Byerley · 08/08/2019 16:23

This sounds insane. Like 10 year olds "You can't be my friend if you're friends with her" "I'm not allowed to be your friend because she won't let me". Go away and find someone who is grown up.

recrudescence · 08/08/2019 16:32

I say fuck the lot of them.

Original poster
tallyhoo356 · 08/08/2019 16:36

I just feel a bit sad about it.
Had quite a lot of tears.
It just doesn't make sense to me she would ditch a years old friendship rather than just make up.
She's tagging the girls in trips away on f/b and it's making me feel like I'm not good enough.
My self esteem is on the floor

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 08/08/2019 16:45

tallyhoo - your friend enjoyed being "better" than you, by the sound of it - she liked to put you down to make herself feel better about herself.

She didn't want her work friends to actually like you - she wanted you there to make her look better, and instead, you turned out to get on well with those friends.

I agree it is like a reverse "wendy" story, except that you didn't do it deliberately. But your friend was feeling left out because she could see that you were getting on with her other friends, maybe better than she does - and now you're all being punished in a childish fashion because she can't handle the concept of people being friends with others without her as the contact.

If the other girls are too scared of her to stay your friend without her, then I would bin them off. If they were genuinely interested in staying friends with you then they would have found a way to do it, not bow down to her tantrums.

I have been in your position once, except it was just over a weekend - went to stay with a schoolfriend at her university shared house, and got on well with all her housemates. She ended up going to bed early, I stayed up chatting with them, and next day she was in a huff with me. After I left, we had one phonecall and she never spoke to me again after that - and never really explained why it was so bad that I got on with her housemates. I wasn't excluding her at any point, she was the one who took herself off out of it.

Go and find some other friends.

ANd in all honesty, I'd reclaim your money for the October trip and not go - it will be a VERY uncomfortable trip away, if they even "let" you come - there are ways they could stop you.

growlingbear · 08/08/2019 16:51

I'm staggered that a grown woman has decided not to see you because another grown woman was furious with her for doing so without her permission. How feeble minded are these women?

I think you need to get a set of more mature, sane friends.

ThatCurlyGirl · 08/08/2019 16:56

I'm so sorry @tallyhoo356 I'm gobby as shit and have allowed myself to be treated like shit by both friends and I partners - don't beat yourself up just know you won't be waste such lovely feelings on people who aren't worth it, and be willing to walk away when they aren't who you think they are. You sound lovely, you'll have / make other lovely friends ThanksThanks

Benjispruce · 08/08/2019 17:01

I think you and the others need to tell her to grow up, this is playground stuff.

PrincessScarlett · 08/08/2019 17:02

And I bet anything, after a few weeks of ignoring you, knowing you can see all the fun they are having on social media, she'll make friends again and the whole cycle of abuse will start again.

You need to take control and block/delete the lot of them and get out and find some real friends. Honestly, OP it is not a friendship of many years to lose if she has been treating you like shit the whole time.

5foot5 · 08/08/2019 17:09

I actually want to sort it out with friend but she won't. I've tried and tried and tried

Why? She sounds awful and you are better off without her. Do try some of the suggestions on here for keeping in touch with the others in the group, but if that doesn't work so be it. Walk away. Do not humiliate yourself trying to get her to be friends again.

SconeofDestiny · 08/08/2019 17:16

So what if you've been friends for 16 years? That's not a good enough reason to keep pushing uphill to keep this one sided friendship going. If you keep begging her, she will probably grudgingly agree to stay friends, but I'm guessing she'll enjoy flaunting her power over you and probably make your life hell.

OP, do you realise that there are thousands of people living within a reasonable distance of where you live?
You could save the effort you're expending on this silly woman and make some new friends who are genuinely nice people.

MardyMavis · 08/08/2019 17:40

Stop begging her...and you do know the others are just as bad for saying they best not see you till you make up.....everyone needs to grow the fuck up and you need to move on none of them are your friends....

CanaryFairy · 08/08/2019 18:29

I honestly can’t believe that you are all 30 plus. Sounds like a school playground scrap to me. Make some more mature friends!

GreatWallOfVagina · 08/08/2019 19:39

This all sounds so ridiculous. Nonetheless, I'm with Bluntness on this, there are probably two sides to this. I have witnessed the Wendy situation before so I'm wondering if you did make your actual friend feel excluded from her own friends when you went out with them?

Of course, you may have not done it intentionally but if you began to disregard her in her own friendship group that she brought you into, I could somewhat understand her anger.

Considering they're all happy to remain friends with her and just hope you two work it out, does this not indicate to you that they actually see her as more of a friend than you? They've told you straight they will not see you unless you and your friend sort this out, so why are you going on this holiday? Where is your self respect?

At the end of the day, although you may have got on well with them, she obviously has more of a history and better relationship with them considering they're all still friends. They've chosen her, so why not just walk away? They were only your friends through her and all have evidently taken sides.

As for you crying, no offence OP but that is just over the top drama. Surely you have other friends? Go out and spend time with them, there's no need for you to chase this friendship or beg to be a part of the group. Walk away with dignity.

Lemonlady22 · 08/08/2019 19:58

blimey....thought you were all going to be teenagers!

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