My friend ended our 16 year friendship ..aibu to think I wasn't in the wrong?

[tallyhoo356]

We have been friends for years now.
It's always been a weird one,she would put me down a lot and try and order me around,it went on that long I put up with it.
My friend is friends with 3 girls through work.
I met them when we went on a night out and got on well with them.
They added me to their group chat and we all got chatting.
They started inviting me on nights out and weekends away and they were lovely girls.
Every time my "friend" would try and be little me in front of them and make me look stupid.
We went on a weekend away and after my friend immediately stopped speaking to me.
I text her and she said she no longer wanted to be friends as at the weekend away I didn't spend Much time with her (she was miserable that I was there and was trying to exclude me)
Anyway she removed me from the group chat and I'm no longer invited on the nights out /weekends away
The girls have been messaging me saying she is being pathetic and hope we sort it out.
Aibu to think she's made this argument up as I was making friends with these girls and she didn't like it?
By her not being my friend anymore means I no longer will be invited.
I'm really hurt

She doesn't want to be your friend as currently you and the other's are playing into her hands and begging her to be.

Back off and see if you can meet the others without her and l bet things would change then.

Although personally l wouldn't want to be friends with the sheep anyway.

I'm really not begging for friends.
One of the girls has been texting me all night so she clearly enjoys my company regardless of my "friend"
I deffo didn't exclude or try and barge her out of her own friendship group.

Move on, @tallyhoo356. Honestly, in situations like this it's better to make a clean break and befriend much sander, maturer kinder people than you mixed with before.

@tallyhoo356
My self esteem is on the floor

And it will continue to be OP, if you keep being, or trying to be friends, with childish bullies such as your so-called friend. Cut your losses and start building things of value. It will take time but it will happen x

I just wish we could all be friends.
I actually want to sort it out with friend but she won't.

Why are you so desperate to be friends with someone who isn’t friendly? Your self esteem maybe on the floor now but it wasn’t particularly high, when you put up with her behaviour previously.

I would expect women in this age group not to display the ‘friendship’ dynamics of teens.

You could and should aim better with regards to making friends.

Walk away

She's clearly a toxic person and was never really a "friend" - friends simply don't behave that way. The other people in the group are dealing with this toxicity themselves too with whatever dynamic has developed prior to your arrival. You can't fix this unhealthy scenario. Best to just back away. A farewell message to the rat of the group as per pp suggestion would be fine. Then find some decent friends. Life is too short to waste on people like that.

These childish women sound like they are stuck in Year 8. Definitely don’t send messages to the group. Walk away, you are worth more.

I had a friend like this at school who treated me the same as yours did
She was spiteful domineering and excluded me from various friendship groups. We drifted apart when I started nursing and grew in confidence. Now 30+years along she has moved to a village near mine. We haven't met up but he DH has invited me to meet them for lunch a couple of times but I don't want to. I don't want to resurrect my ' friendship' with her

What I'm trying to say OP is ignore her and develop friendliness with the other girls. They seem to k now what she's like and you seem like a nice person who deserves nice friends and not the miserable shit youv put up with from her

Absolutely walk away from all of them. It sucks but that's the best route. The others know where you are if they want you.

*Wendy is an MN term.

You invite a friend of yours (Wendy)to mix with another group of friends she didn't know previously. She then moves in, takes over the group and pushes you out.
You have been Wendied.

I am not saying the OP is doing this. I'm saying the friend is making sure it doesn't happen.*

Yeah this definitely sounds like a reverse Wendy. Sounds like the friend is pre empting being Wendied out of the group so is pushing OP out before she's excluded.

Not saying it's right but it sounds like that's what's going on.

OP I feel your pain. I’ve had a group of friends over 30 years one slightly newer member of the group has taken the hump against me and has been causing trouble off and one for ages. I tend to ignore which she hates.

She’s now turned my oldest best friend of over 40 years against me (well she got this friend involved in her mind games and I told friend to but out as it was non of her concern and she shouldn’t take sides). But apparently that’s the wrong thing to say so now friend of 40 years has blocked me on every platform and has been telling other friends I’m toxic and bad for her mental health so don’t invite her to anything I’m going to! But because she’s the one telling the story she’s getting invited to everything and I’ve been removed from every group chat about up coming events. And the worst thing is NOT one other person from the groups has contacted me to get my side of the event...mm friends they obviously weren’t. It’s been a hard 6 weeks but I’m out the other side now and have realised they brought nothing to my life and I have to just move on.

OP hide their posts on FB you can do it for a month at a time and then you won’t see the tagging and you can get on with your life. Good luck.

@tallyhoo356 Why not just leave them all alone and move on with your life? You had some fun with them but now it's over. Let them continue their friendship without you, and you spend time with other people.

There's no need for you to be in touch with any of them, they were close long before you came along and evidently they want to remain close with her.

Get your money back for the holiday, or change hotels, or even write it off, but don't just turn up, you will honestly look pathetic and desperate. They will more than likely make you feel even worse as they will probably shun you and ignore you.

Surround yourself with people who are actually YOUR friends. As for your ex-friend from this group, if she sees you step away she may get in touch with you and want to work on the friendship. If not, so be it. For now, focus on your self-esteem and surround yourself with better people that you have not met through her. These girls will be discussing you and the more you speak to them the more they have to discuss, so cut them all off.

What if your friend is just as confused and hurt as you about what has changed? You say you've been friends for X years but shes always put you down but you allowed it. Did she know you felt like that? did you ever talk to her about it? Perhaps from her perspective she thought that was who you were and accepted the dynamics as what make you and her friends. She obviously regarded you as a good friend to introduce you to her work mates - however in this group the dynamics change. To your friend it might seem like you are the one who has changed, she may not be aware you played a lower role to her superior one in your 1:1 but in other parts of your life you don't do that. She is maybe seeing this new confident you in a confusing light and to her it looks like you are showing off and trying to take a bigger role in her new friendship group. She possibly thinks you're the one who is acting different and not her. She may not be able to make sense of it because you never actually told her there was a problem in yours and hers relationship. I think your having your own special version of Real Housewives without the cameras - inexplicable feuding over unexpressed insecurities. You could always do something different and invite your friend to a mediation session - this is about you and her and not really the others.