To hate women at work being flirty with male colleagues?

[jennymanara]

I am not talking about women who actually fancy a particular and so is flirty with him. I am talking about women who are flirty with most men they work with. I hate this way of relating, just relate professionally as work colleagues.

Depends on the culture of your workplace. Ours is very informal and yes there is a lot of innuendo, flirting, swearing etc that would be considered not ok in other more professional workplaces.

I found it odd when I first came here but when you get to know the personalities behind the men who are outrageously flirty and crude you actually don't mind. It's funny and the banter makes the day go quicker.

This probably sounds really alien to someone who works in a more professional workplace though

I have always distrusted women who simper and flutter round men. They are pretty obviously not feminists, and tend to view other women simply as competition for male attention - any female friendships they have seem insincere, and likely to be dropped as soon as a man hoves into view.
I regarded them as class traitors. Rather like slaves sucking up to masters.
That is very different to women who simply have a good sense of humour, and engage in light hearted teasing with both men and women equally at work.

Thing is if a woman is going and / or attractive, all it takes is them smiling and saying hello top be branded atrollop by some. Men as well as women.

'I regarded them as class traitors. Rather like slaves sucking up to masters.'

Interesting.

Sometimes people do what they need top get by. Some men with power really hate or when women don't act deferentially. I have been there myself. Continued to my leaving a good job. That and maternity discrim in nation.

Blaming women for what patriarchy expects of us is as old as the hills and not a feminism I'm interested in.

Why are people acting like it's always and only women? There's plenty of men that carry out flirtatious behaviour at work. Often unsolicited and makes women feel that's what they have to do to appease the men that are in charge.

Personally I distrust men that flutter and flirt around women. I think they are creepy and are attention seeking. I also think the wives of these men find it easier to blame another woman for 'flirting with my man' than accept their husband is a disrespectful attention seeker.

In my experience flirts tend to flirt with both sexes -
Mary might say something like - ""Lovely scarf you're wearing today Jane, that colour really suits you"" or ""New suit Ted, you look really smart""
Blokes also tend to do it, a little less obviously with each other, but they certainly backslap and complement each other’s sporting prowess eg “Great games of squash/five aside last night, you really slammed it”

I am older and it is blatantly obvious everywhere I have worked that the attractive women who flirt with men get promoted more.
You mean, shock, horror, they are capable, competent AND nice people to work with

Eg. Two identically qualified people, one with the ability to small talk and pass general daily compliments as opposed to the miserable grouch in the corner who grunts at people. The one with the appealing personality and ability to get on with people will be promoted.

'Lovely scarf you're wearing today Jane, that colour really suits you"" or ""New suit Ted, you look really smart""'

Oh lol this is me

I love paying compluments it perks them up, it's nice

I rarely get any myself but can't say it bothers me... Its not done for recipeocation!

I smile a lot too

Just how I am

@Fraggling - be nice to people - they're more inclinded do you favours when you need them - thats my motto

Where's the #metoo call? Women are as culpable as men. All sexual harassment is gross. Call them out on out instead of MN rants, change things.

In my experience, the women (and men) who do this ridiculous overt flirting with senior colleagues are generally the ones trying to cover up their incompetence in the workplace. In my last place there was a middle manager (same grade as me) who was a shameless flirt but she was pretty useless and eventually left when a senior female manager was appointed who started to properly review her department. We all knew it was seriously underperforming compared to the rest of us.

Op, they are probably just being friendly.

I find women hard to judge in work. They worry about things like this, which I wouldn’t even notice, and then when it comes to a head, I usually have no idea what the problem is.
Men are more straight forward, as long as you keep it professional.

I hate all this women blaming. I've had experience of my colleagues wives hating me for no reason other then I'm attractive and friendly (not trying to brag or anything) and they don't trust their husbands bit blame me. It's not nice. Men do love their egos stroked and I'm sure most are flirty but don't tell their wives that bit. I adore my husband and certainly wouldn't want to steal anyone's else's. I am friendly but I'm sure with the right goggles on some women would say I was flirty even though i treat everyone the same

Appatently men need #metoo for when female colleagues say, nice socks pat, looking snazzy today

😁

Jurassic true

Most of the blokes at work aren't much cop tbh

The idea that good looking young women are after them when they say hello, smile, laugh at their shit jokes is borne of ego on the man's part and paranoia on their wives and I mean do women really think like that. Good luck to any women who go after dh lol he'd be terrified 😁

You mean, shock, horror, they are capable, competent AND nice people to work with
So flirting equals being nice to work with?

Yes some men flirt as well with nearly all women.

I can't stand this. Work should not be a place where we are judged on sexual attractiveness.

And yes of course if you refuse to flirt ever at work you are less likely to get promoted. Fucking men. And women who buy into this.

And being friendly is not the same as flirting.

OP you are right. I find it pathetic. It's demeaning and unprofessional. Their ability alone should be enough to get promotion but I have known women to sleep with guys in the office who are senior to them. Not necessarily to get ahead but lo and behold - they got promoted

Meh I like flirting 🤷‍♀️ I sometimes flirt with my manager and I flirt with old men down the pub. I like flirting with men who would never try and take it that one step further. Yes I have a boyfriend, I even flirt with a couple of his 'safe' mates that I enjoy having flirty banter with. Everyone has a different sense of humour and that's mine.

Eg my boyfriends mate said he had piles, I offered to go in the Bush with him and pop them back in his bum, we then joked about the Male G spot. My boyfriend just groans in a comical way.

My boyfriend flirts with my dm sometimes. He says things like oo if only fizzypoo will look as good as you when shes your age ect. Or he will pretend that he thinks she 40. It's a form of communication and doesn't mean anyone takes it seriously.

I think you're being quite uptight and I couldn't imagine going down the pub or having a bbq with you op.

I find it hilarious that if you don’t like women sucking up to men in the workplace you are labelled a woman hater!

I agree with you OP but think this is a one of those personality things that depending on which side you are on you can't relate to the other point of view at all. It's like a person speaking English and another speaking Japanese.

It makes my skin crawl to see women being all flirty all over men in a work context but that's because it's not how I behave at all. It makes me very uncomfortable and also slightly disturbs me because on some level I fear that it how men expect women to relate to them.

Female friends who are like this who I've discussed it with are all it's just how I am, I flirt with everyone, I'm a flirty person.

It's so vile and I know there is no rational reason why this should be the case but I find it particularly repulsive when it's unattractive middle aged women behaving like this. Maybe because it is unlikely to have any reciprocation and all looks a bit desperate?

I've seen enough differences of opinion though to be firmly of the view I'm not right and nor are they - it's just different people.

I do agree with you though.

Fizzypoo there’s nothing wrong with flirting down the pub or within your circle of family and friends. But just as I’ll happily cut my toenails at home, I wouldn’t dream of doing it in the office because it’s not professional workplace behaviour. There are some behaviours that should be left outside the office door.

As the OP made clear, she’s not talking about people who are clearly similarly friendly with everyone, just those women who behave one way with their female colleagues and a very different, more appeasing/simpery way when a male colleague enters the room.

'Work should not be a place where we are judged on sexual attractiveness.'

Ugly people can flirt! Old people fat people any people can flirt.

Why are you equating the act of flirting (anyone can flirt) and being 'judged on sexual attractiveness)?

Seems to me you've only got a problem when young attractive women flirt and that is ageist, sexist, and judgemental on looks.

I don't think your problem is flirting I think it's good looking women
(who are probably being standardly friendly but it gets taken as flirting as young good looking women are deemed by society to be sexually available).

Blackberry wow thats one hell of a post.

I'm kind of glad I don't know you.

Hello blackberry! That's a nice skirt - smile-

Blackberry: OMG you're vile! And furthermore, as you're over 40, repulsive! Go home and hide under a rock, there is no place for you in this workplace.

Righty-ho?