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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make the neighbours babysit

135 replies

Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 12:52

Background: Dd is 8 months old. Her sleep is awful. She really fights naps and sleep. Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping no longer works. Last night I couldn't get her to sleep until 11pm having tried to put her down at 6.30pm when she was clearly tired. She'd had a total of a 20 minute nap all day.

Today she napped at 8am for 45 minutes - yay! Then put her down again at 12 and she fell asleep within a few minutes - double yay! Then our next door neighbour got out his chainsaw and started hacking away at his apple tree so she's now had a 10 min nap and is completely wired. This is it now, she'll get no more sleep until bedtime. I have to take dd1 to the Dr's for 2pm which is a 20 minute walk away and she will talk the entire way there and back thus rendering it impossible for her sister to sleep.

So, would I be unreasonable to take the baby next door and ask them to deal with her for the rest of the day because she's going to be absolutely miserable all afternoon and, yet again, dd1 will have to be completely ignored whilst I deal with the baby.

(FYI - neighbour knows the baby's sleep is awful because they have commented on hearing her cry and I told them about how crap her sleep is. They know I'm at home and I was putting her down for a nap at 12 because they spoke to me at 11. 50 when we were in the garden and I told them I was going in to put her down for a nap!!)

OP posts:

coffeeforone · 07/08/2019 14:17

YABU but its still pretty thoughtless of your NDN to do this when the know the baby is napping.

You have my sympathy. My DS2 was like this at 8 months. He is 10 months now and so much better. Controlled crying was the game-changer, though not entirely through choice - I had to put DS2 in the cot and leave him to him cry while I put DS1 (3) to bed around 7.30pm. It was taking around 15 minutes continuous one-to-one time time with DS1, and after a few nights DS2 would be asleep when I went back to him - result! Could that kind of thing work?

ChocolateCroissants · 07/08/2019 14:19

I've got 2 children under 3, both have been awful sleepers since they were born. I understand how hard it is when they won't sleep for you, but you can't expect other people to work their life around you just because you have a baby. He's doing it in the middle of the day, not even after 7pm, so you can't really moan, unfortunately.

The other thing is not all babies are disturbed by that kind of noise, I actually found noise helped them sleep. I remember my first child was up all night and morning crying, they started to dig the road up very early right outside the house and she went out like a light. When they stopped she woke up. I wanted to go out and request they just keep digging for a few hours. I actually downloaded building site type noises to play at night!

HoldTightandPretenditsaPlan · 07/08/2019 14:19

I think people might be taking this a bit too seriously... I agree with some of the others. Though - chainsaw the neighbour. It's the only sensible solution!

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:24

I do agree a sling (or better a wrap) might help, though 8 months is late to introduce one both for the baby and for the mother's back! It's easier to start at a couple of weeks old in both cases.

Is DS2 mobile? Sleep often regresses before a developmental milestone (walking? Crawling?) because they can't "switch off" until they've perfected it.

My youngest is 8 and eldest a teen but it often sounds to me as though posters have forgotten the reality of the baby years. I wouldn't make loud noise like cutting the lawn or hedges if a neighbour with a baby or toddler had just told me they were putting the baby down for a nap, nor if they said they were extremely tired and going for a nap themselves. It's the fact that the neighbour did this straight after the conversation that astounds me, though not as much as people proudly asserting that it is right and proper to be inconsiderate and that they would be too.

AngelasAshes · 07/08/2019 14:25

YABU. Massively U.
He got out his chainsaw at ten minutes past NOON. It’s not like he was up at 6am.
I understand what sleep deprivation can do. I did once upon a time call the police on a neighbour at 3am because they were partying on a week night and I had been up all day with my baby and all night and had to start a 12hr shift at 6am. Unfortunately, my neighbour WAS a police officer and I got massive shit for calling the police on the police.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 07/08/2019 14:26

I wouldn’t do that if my neighbour had just said they were putting the baby down for s nap

PaddyF0dder · 07/08/2019 14:31

It’s YOUR baby. Not your neighbours. Yours. Your neighbour owes you nothing.

It sucks to have a sleepless baby. Of course it does. But that doesn’t mean the world revolves around it. Two years ago we had two sleepless twin babies and a 3 year old. We just had to get on with it.

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:37

PaddyF0dder's is exactly the kind of post I mean.

Why post that?

It's the race to the bottom/ get a kick in/ put her in her place "harsh but true" mentality.

If we were all a bit more considerate perhaps some people's lives would be a bit easier, but the idea of this is anathema to so many people...

rwalker · 07/08/2019 14:39

I get your pissed off but you can't expect them to plan there life round you . Are you really sure your baby doesn't disturb them .

Belfield · 07/08/2019 14:46

I'd get your other child to put her to sleep. she was talking which was keeping the baby awake also so she can sort it out.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 07/08/2019 14:48

God help you if a neighbor starts any serious building work.

I am about to start some work which will take about 3 weeks. There will be some nosy during normal working day hours. I will of course notify the neighbors that this work is starting and a rough estimate of when the noisey bit is starting and due to finish but I won’t be planning it around their convenience. They are older so no babies but they do have their grandchildren a lot of the time.

verticality · 07/08/2019 14:52

I think YABU, but I'm confused by you saying that your neighbours knew you had put the baby down to sleep after a rough night. I think most people would be really understanding if a neighbour knocked on the door and said "I've had a terrible night with the baby who isn't sleeping, would you mind keeping the noise down this morning - I know it's a huge favour to ask, and I appreciate if you have things you can't delay, but I would be so grateful if is possible". Someone would have to have a heart of stone to refuse that. If you genuinely did this and they ignored you, then I think they are the arseholes. However, if you expected them to infer if from general comments you've made about the baby being a light sleeper, YABU. She could be napping any time of the day and night, and life for other people goes on.

Wobblywibblywoo · 07/08/2019 15:22

You are being unreasonable in that your neighbors should stop doing what they want to do because your child doesn’t sleep properly

HaileySherman · 07/08/2019 15:31

I remember those days. You're not alone, i think any parent whose been in your shoes understands the rage you feel at the bastards that wake your (finally ffs) sleeping baby. The rest of the world just doesn't care. It passes, fairly quickly, when you look back on this stage. I know it's not much comfort now, but so you know, you're not alone or unusual or crazy or anything like that.

thecatinthetwat · 07/08/2019 15:34

Ime it is normal at 8 months for a baby to be too excited about everything to sleep. Sorry no advice, just wanted to say that I think it’s perfectly normal. Your baby is curious and interested- that’s great.

I totally feel your pain, I can’t stand even the kids playing next door when I’m trying to get the baby to nap. Dh has to remind me that i am being totally unreasonable.

I think if they’re neighbours rather than friends, then it’s to be expected that they just aren’t paying that much attention to your requirements.

Noice after 8am and until 9pm is reasonable.

Aridane · 07/08/2019 15:36

Ha ha - you are getting more and more unreasonable with each post!

Sandybval · 07/08/2019 15:38

If you told them at 11 they probably didn't clock watch to make sure they were silent at 12, maybe the sound of crying annoys them (wrongly). I do empathise but they can't plan their time round you. I agree it's worth a trip to the doctor's though or chat with the health visitor as it's impacting on family life so much.

Sandybval · 07/08/2019 15:39

Also agree with the others about white noise.

BarbariansMum · 07/08/2019 15:40

YABU but much sympathy. Take some comfort from the fact that it is a phase and it will pass.

mollibu · 07/08/2019 15:47

YABVVVVU! I appreciate it's annoying. However, whether your neighbours knew you're daughter was napping or not, it is NOT their problem!

They can't halt they're lives in the middle of the day just because you're daughter needs a nap.

YouDoYou18 · 07/08/2019 15:55

Honestly I can totally understand your rage, I’ve got an 11 month old who’s been going through a rough sleep regression and I’m eight months pregnant... the other day my neighbours woke my daughter up after it took me two hours to get her to settle and o was sooooooo angry, but I didn’t say anything because it’s not their fault, they’re just living their lives and it’s not their fault I have a baby who doesn’t want to sleep at the moment! Honestly it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with but unfortunately no one is dealt at fault here!

Original poster

Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 16:58

Thanks for everyone's comments. I'll try and answer what I can so this will probably be quite long (!)

As predicted the baby didn't sleep on the way to the drs as Dd1 spoke non-stop. She's almost 4, she knows she should be quiet but she won't do it. Nursery have previously commented on her incessant chatter. The baby finally fell asleep on the way back, again for 10ish minutes, but as she woke after 4pm I think it's unlikely she'll go to bed before 9pm now and the last two hours will be her moaning. I know it's selfish but it's a bit of a depressing thought that I will have no break today. By the time the baby falls asleep I'll also need to go to sleep because she'll wake 2/3 times overnight and dd1 will be up at 6am.

The baby is on the verge of crawling. I'm hoping things will improve when she's mastered that. But then she'll try and walk....

Dd1 was also a bad sleeper, however, I could easily get her to sleep. She just woke every two hours for over a year. The baby is hard to get to sleep. She has a severe case of FOMO. Her naps are also quite short and she easily gets out of sync. Afternoons can be really miserable some days.

The baby doesn't really like being in a sling for long. I've tried a few different ones.

White noise use to work for her but not so much now. However, it is useful to muffle outside noises (not chainsaws I hasten to add!) when she's is going to bed and we have the windows open.

My neighbours are ordinarily really nice and I think some people have not understood the point I am trying to make. I would have been annoyed regardless about them using the chainsaw and it waking up dd, however, I wouldn't have been so angry because I would have thought 'well it's 12.10pm on a Wednesday, it's not an unreasonable time' it has just become unreasonable for me because I had had a conversation with them less than 20 minutes earlier which involved me saying I was going in to put the baby down for a nap and them commenting on her looking tired. I suppose I'm just 'disappointed' with them that they chose to use the chainsaw at that time.

OP posts:

Iggly · 07/08/2019 17:04

But they may not have realised that the chainsaw would have an impact 🤷🏻‍♀️
You could have had loud roadworks, loud building works etc. Anything could have been an issue!

HavelockVetinari · 07/08/2019 17:08

You poor thing! I've been there, it is AWFUL.

Your DD2 needs to learn to self settle, she must be chronically sleep-deprived which is awful for her health. I suggest reading up on the various methods of sleep training and picking one you feel ok about. We did the classic Ferber method, it worked like a charm in 5 days. DS now actually sleeps through!

Vesperia · 07/08/2019 17:09

YABU - they aren't knocking on your door asking you to deal with stuff because they haven't had much sleep due to your baby crying

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