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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make the neighbours babysit

135 replies

Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 12:52

Background: Dd is 8 months old. Her sleep is awful. She really fights naps and sleep. Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping no longer works. Last night I couldn't get her to sleep until 11pm having tried to put her down at 6.30pm when she was clearly tired. She'd had a total of a 20 minute nap all day.

Today she napped at 8am for 45 minutes - yay! Then put her down again at 12 and she fell asleep within a few minutes - double yay! Then our next door neighbour got out his chainsaw and started hacking away at his apple tree so she's now had a 10 min nap and is completely wired. This is it now, she'll get no more sleep until bedtime. I have to take dd1 to the Dr's for 2pm which is a 20 minute walk away and she will talk the entire way there and back thus rendering it impossible for her sister to sleep.

So, would I be unreasonable to take the baby next door and ask them to deal with her for the rest of the day because she's going to be absolutely miserable all afternoon and, yet again, dd1 will have to be completely ignored whilst I deal with the baby.

(FYI - neighbour knows the baby's sleep is awful because they have commented on hearing her cry and I told them about how crap her sleep is. They know I'm at home and I was putting her down for a nap at 12 because they spoke to me at 11. 50 when we were in the garden and I told them I was going in to put her down for a nap!!)

OP posts:
AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 07/08/2019 13:20

It's the fact that they KNEW I was putting her down for a nap.

And you think they stored up this Very Important piece of news and planned their day around it?

Original poster
Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 13:21

@StupidlittlepricknamedRick I'm not like that at all.

OP posts:
Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 07/08/2019 13:25

Aw op you're not getting much sympathy here. I feel your pain and it was inconsiderate of them.

We have been lots of work in our garden for a while now and my boyfriend watches for the blinds to go down in the back bedroom of neighbours house. Once we see that we stop all the noisy stuff. Doesn't take much to be considerate does it.

sleepylittlebunnies · 07/08/2019 13:25

Unless your NDN had arranged for someone to come and chainsaw the tree at that time then I think it’s a pretty passive aggressive move on their part to do it when you had expressly told them you were putting baby down for her nap.

If I were the NDN then I would have either done it later when you said you were going out or warned you when you told me. As in “I’m really sorry but we are going to be chain sawing the tree down in 10 minutes, it can’t be done another time”.

Alternatively if they were sawing our back could you have put her down in a front bedroom, close windows and put fan on to cover the noise.

Have you mentioned the poor sleep to your HV? They may be able to give you some pointers and support.

pooopypants · 07/08/2019 13:25

You are 'like that' OP, because you want them to not carry out standard things like gardening when your child is having a nap.

The problem isn't your neighbour, it's closer to home. Look into sleep training, white noise, etc.

jasmine1971 · 07/08/2019 13:27

On a different note, I need to use a chainsaw, any chance I can borrow your neighbours please. I promise to bring it back at a sensible time. Grin

WooMaWang · 07/08/2019 13:28

This is just the rage of the knackered and sleep deprived, OP.

Your neighbours (who are not dealing with a non-sleeping baby) aren’t being malicious or anything. They’re just getting in with their lives.

Gatoadigrado · 07/08/2019 13:29

You’re being way too controlling about what other people do in their own homes and gardens at a reasonable hour.

If I was your neighbour and you seriously asked me to babysit I’d tell you to fuck off

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/08/2019 13:30

no sleep is the worse but its not unreasonable for your neighbours to get on with their day and chores in the middle of the day- sorry OP.

Dotty1970 · 07/08/2019 13:30

Your way out of order but it sounds like you won't see that anyway so why post.
Entitled.... Yes

thisnamechanger · 07/08/2019 13:31

Tbf your baby probably disturbs them too 🤷 it's annoying but I think YABU.

Kungfupanda67 · 07/08/2019 13:32

God everyone’s being very harsh. I contemplated giving my toddler away the other day because he announced he needed a poo 3 minutes after my 8 month old fell asleep on my lap. I feel full on rage when some window salesman knocks the door and wakes the baby up.

Being tired is shit, being tired and feeling guilty that you’re neglecting the other child is shitter. Your neighbour chainsawing their tree minutes after you saying your baby was going for a nap is definitely an excuse to be angry (I’d probably be crying in the corner about why the world hates me!). You know they haven’t really done anything wrong, you’re still allowed to be annoyed

saraclara · 07/08/2019 13:35

I totally get your frustration, but things tend to go on one ear and out of the other when I'm just casually chatting to someone. I probably wouldn't really have retained what you said and put two and two together. Unless the neighbours have a baby themselves, they probably just weren't tuned in to the consequences of their gardening.

Hannahlouise4026 · 07/08/2019 13:36

I I usually think people are not being unreasonable on here, but sorry I think YABU. That’s the reality of having more than 1 child - you just have to get on with it! Unless your neighbours asked, I wouldn’t expect them to, and they’d probably feel guilt tripped if they say no to you. Won’t she fall asleep in the pram if you’re walking? You can’t expect your other child not to talk. FWIW 7/8 months were for me the most difficult in terms of getting them to nap.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2019 13:36

Op Yanbu, surely any reasonable person would say "oh dear, just to let you know we've got to get the chainsaw out in 5 so I hope it doesn't disturb her" then you could have made a different choice.

catzrulz · 07/08/2019 13:36

I'm well past that stage, but DS2 was the worlds worst sleeper. If he wasn't feeding he was crying, so I do know how you feel.
Now I occasionally work nightshift and it has all come back to me. My neighbour has family staying just now, they have a small yappy dog which I don't think has stopped since it got here, and I'm on a run of 4 nights.
You know this will pass, but it feels like it never will, sending sympathy.

Original poster
Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 13:37

I don't think the baby is disturbing their sleep although our bedrooms do back on to each other so she may be. She isn't actually that noisy over night, it's from the afternoon until she finally goes to bed that is the problem, she's so tired that she cries/whinges a lot. We have a small house, the back doors are open and dd1 is in and out of the garden. The neighbours both have term time jobs so have been around a lot over the past few weeks and have commented on hearing her cry a lot. With the crying she then has to be held a lot which then makes it difficult for me to do anything with dd1.

I really don't whinge about people doing normal tasks. I have a 3 year old who is out playing in the garden but I try to be mindful, I don't let her play out there at 7am on a Sunday even though she'd love to. I don't mow the lawn at that time either, or light a bonfire/bbq just as neighbours washing has been hanged out to dry, push a piano against a joining wall and play it for an hour every day etc.

I agree about HV etc, this baby's sleep is not normal(!)

OP posts:
Chakano · 07/08/2019 13:37

You should live next door to us, we have live music throughout the day as we are musicians and work from home. Our neighbours are great though with no small dc.
I think the time they are doing this is reasonable enough, it's not too early or too late.
it's hard with a non sleeping baby, but the world doesn't stop.

bluegirlgreen · 07/08/2019 13:38

I am sorry you are struggling @Ritatheryvita but you cannot seriously expect your neighbours lives to revolve around your baby's sleep patterns.

If you brought your baby round to me to look after because I had mowed the lawn at 11am (when your baby was having a nap,) I would tell you to jog on. Grin

Seriously though...

Hope baby starts sleeping soon for you. I know it's not easy.

Lazydaisies · 07/08/2019 13:40

In the last week I have listened to person after person moan about other people’s perfectly reasonable behaviour that they couldn’t understand. The moaning seemed to help. As did the odd hmm and nod as they moaned along. So I’m here reading your OP nodding and humming along to help you get your opportunity to vent at the torture that is the lack of sleep of small babies and children. You have my utmost sympathy. Babies not sleeping is shit.

Nicknacky · 07/08/2019 13:41

I don’t think not mowing your lawn at 7am means much 😂. No reasonable person does that.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/08/2019 13:41

I am, quite obviously, joking

Don't spoilt it . . .

HJWT2 · 07/08/2019 13:43

How old is DD1? Can you not tell her to be quiet on the walk? Put rain cover on that will drown out some noise

ElizaDee · 07/08/2019 13:43

I will probably have to light that bonfire I've been planning to do 5 mins after they put out their washing to dry

Don't forget the bbq's.

YANBU, who the fuck starts up power tools when they've just been told a baby that doesn't seep is going down for a nap? They are cunts op. I agree with you.

Iggly · 07/08/2019 13:43

Maybe they had babies who could sleep through loud noises? Maybe they didn’t do it on purpose.

When I wanted my baby to nap in a pushchair (and this was my second), I had one of those pushchair cover things to block out the view and I told my eldest to not speak to them and I spoke to them instead. It pretty much worked most times!

It’s hard when your baby is a shit sleeper but there’s no point getting angry at neighbours.