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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make the neighbours babysit

135 replies

Ritatheryvita · 07/08/2019 12:52

Background: Dd is 8 months old. Her sleep is awful. She really fights naps and sleep. Breastfeeding and Co-sleeping no longer works. Last night I couldn't get her to sleep until 11pm having tried to put her down at 6.30pm when she was clearly tired. She'd had a total of a 20 minute nap all day.

Today she napped at 8am for 45 minutes - yay! Then put her down again at 12 and she fell asleep within a few minutes - double yay! Then our next door neighbour got out his chainsaw and started hacking away at his apple tree so she's now had a 10 min nap and is completely wired. This is it now, she'll get no more sleep until bedtime. I have to take dd1 to the Dr's for 2pm which is a 20 minute walk away and she will talk the entire way there and back thus rendering it impossible for her sister to sleep.

So, would I be unreasonable to take the baby next door and ask them to deal with her for the rest of the day because she's going to be absolutely miserable all afternoon and, yet again, dd1 will have to be completely ignored whilst I deal with the baby.

(FYI - neighbour knows the baby's sleep is awful because they have commented on hearing her cry and I told them about how crap her sleep is. They know I'm at home and I was putting her down for a nap at 12 because they spoke to me at 11. 50 when we were in the garden and I told them I was going in to put her down for a nap!!)

OP posts:
anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 13:47

Ritatheryvita it is astoundingly thoughtless to rev up a chainsaw ten minutes after your neighbour tells you they are off to put their 8 month old baby down for a nap!

Of course it's true that nobody else is that interested in babies other than their own and there is no legal obligation to be thoughtful, but I think sometimes MN posters fall over themselves to put mothers of babies very firmly in their place, and to shout in their face that they aren't special. It seems unnecessary. Not having to be thoughtful and being this thoughtless are not the same.

Are the posters saying it's fine saying that if their neighbour told them they were going for a nap/ putting their baby down for a nap they'd happily make chain saw volume noise within the next half hour and not feel like a dickhead?

MrsMump · 07/08/2019 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nicknacky · 07/08/2019 13:50

Mothers of babies aren’t special though. Harsh but true.

I work night shifts and I’m frequently woken but it’s just part of life and I don’t expect my neighbours to particularly car and they are just getting on with their day like we all do.

TheFairyCaravan · 07/08/2019 13:53

It's horrible when you've got a baby that doesn't sleep but you really can't expect your neighbours to plan their lives around your's unfortunately.

Hopefully she'll surprise you and nap on the walk to/from the doctors.

Gigiandme · 07/08/2019 13:53

YABU but i'm sure you know that deep down! Of course your neighbours can't put off doing household jobs during the day just because your baby is napping. It's not like they're doing it at midnight! I know how annoying it is when someone wakes the baby but it's really nobody's fault. Life goes on. The world can't stop because someone's baby is napping. They're not being selfish for getting on with their lives and not putting your feelings (or your baby's nap schedule) first!

Mummoomoocow · 07/08/2019 13:54

I have a neighbour that I swapped numbers with purely because we both have young children that need naps during the day. So when we started mounting the tv to the wall and used the drill several times, I was mortified when she messaged me that I’d woke her baby up! I’d completely forgot and was so wrapped up in what we were doing that I’d not thought about her and baby at all!

I guarantee your neighbour has done the same. Doesn’t help but just think that this sleeping nightmare is just a single phase in your dc’s babyhood. Soon she’ll be in separation anxiety territory instead, then one day it will be nightmares and another it will be potty training Wink

NameChangerOfTheNorth · 07/08/2019 13:57

Your neighbours don't have to live their life around anybody else, including your baby.

I am sorry for you though. You sound exhausted and stressed. Is there anybody close you can ask to babysit for a few hours to give you a rest?

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 13:57

Nicknacky you're not special either.

I know you know that and imply it in your next line about night shifts, but my point is why do we constantly need to point it out to mothers of babies. In no other situation does this happen with such depressing predictability. Get over yourself, nobody is obligated to be considerate towards you, you're not special - all those messages are true on almost every MN thread but almost exclusively trotted out when it's a mother of a baby posting.

*Harsh but true" - you're ugly, you're fat, you haven't reached your potential, your parents are disappointed in you, the meal you cooked yesterday was mediocre, most of your colleagues don't like you very much...

*Not you personally obviously,I've never met you!

Those things might all be harsh but true but it's very rarely useful to say them.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/08/2019 13:58

Why the chuffing chuff are they chainsawing that poor tree?

And why now, it's bad for it this time of the year.

Your neighbours are prize bastards and deserve everything that happens to them.

Nicknacky · 07/08/2019 13:59

another Your right, I’m not special either. I didnt say I was.

What’s with your next rant about being ugly etc, no one has insulted anyone so not relevant?

NameChangerOfTheNorth · 07/08/2019 13:59

Are the posters saying it's fine saying that if their neighbour told them they were going for a nap/ putting their baby down for a nap they'd happily make chain saw volume noise within the next half hour and not feel like a dickhead?

I wouldn't feel like a dickhead. I just wouldn't have considered it at all, even after the conversation.

PeoniesarePink · 07/08/2019 14:03

Our NDN used a petrol leaf blower to clean the snow off his car last winter. At 6.30am.

And he thinks nothing of jetwashing his car at 8am on a Sunday morning. Or mowing the lawn at 9.30pm.

Some people should be living on a remote island to save the rest of our sanity. Your NDN clearly deserves a place there too.

Keep smiling Flowers

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:04

Nicknacky sorry I thought it was clear, obviously I wrote poorly:

Not you personally, I've never met you.

I was making a rhetorical point about the "harsh but true" excuse.

It may be harsh but tru to tell someone they are fat/ ugly/ a mediocre cook or whatever but it is rarely useful.

Why then must so many MN ers ram home "harsh but true" messages to anyone struggling in the months before or after birthing a baby?

NoSauce · 07/08/2019 14:07

When do you suggest he uses the chainsaw?

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 07/08/2019 14:08

Late winter, early spring.

Tree need to be dormant for pruning.

Nicknacky · 07/08/2019 14:08

another I didn’t think for a second you were insulting me, my point was being verbally nasty to someone isn’t relevant to this situation. You are drawing a comparison that isn’t there

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:09

NameChangerOfTheNorth well at least you're honest about being completely and unashamedly selfish and thoughtless.

I wonder whether this would go the same way if it was the OP's elderly mother or father who was having trouble sleeping and had told the neighbour s/he was going for a midday nap? Would people be equally "I'm alright Jack, I am not legally obligated to be considerate therefore I exercise my right to be inconsiderate" in that case? Depressingly I suspect that they would...

AryaStarkWolf · 07/08/2019 14:09

aww I don't do well when I'm tired either but clearly you can't expect your neighbours schedule to revolve around your babies naps, that's just silly

NoSauce · 07/08/2019 14:10

I’ve no idea why he’s doing it now. Maybe it suits him? Maybe he doesn’t know late winter or early spring is the best time.

It doesn’t matter.

DMPI · 07/08/2019 14:11

The world doesn’t revolve around your child.

If you don’t like having neighbours, then move.

ysmaem · 07/08/2019 14:14

YABU. Ita hardly your neighbours fault your baby wont sleep. If you said he hot his chainsaw out in the middle of the night then I'd understand but he didn't, it was the middle of the day. When you're at the DRs mention the sleep issues or better yet contact your HV and make an appointment

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:14

Nicknacky I disagree. My point is that as soon as you have to say "harsh but true" to defend a statement it is usually clear that the statement was uncalled for.

If this was some kind of theoretical general debate about whether mother's are special it would not be necessary to say "harsh but true" when making statements, and where it's a sleep deprived mother of an 8 month old upset about an inconsiderate neighbor there is no need to be harsh.

anothernotherone · 07/08/2019 14:15

Sorry about the invasive apostrophe!

burblife · 07/08/2019 14:15

OP have you tried a baby carrier/sling for DC2? If you are spending a lot of time holding them, at least you would have hands free to play with DD1. Also, the gentle swaying motion may send them off to sleep. I remember 8 months sleep regression coupled with separation anxiety meant my DD was always stuck to me.

BuddysMama · 07/08/2019 14:17

Someone up thread mentioned a white noise! I completely second that's, works an absolute treat with my baby, who can be a little sleep fighter too Sad you can get machines/apps for your phone but we just type it into YouTube, it's a godsend

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