for dreading holiday with creepy FIL

[MummyToBe89]

We have a holiday coming up with my DP's family and I can't stop feeling so anxious about it as my FIL really creeps me out and the thought of being in my bikini/costume or even just spending a long period of time with him is making me feel so
uncomfortable.

I have naturally large boobs and he constantly stares at them. He always wants to hug me and rubs his hands all over my back and makes comments that he thinks excuses him rubbing his hands on me such as "oooh you're lovely and warm" as if he's trying to just get warm and not have his hands all over me.

I once also caught him filming me on his phone when I was sat watching TV. When I asked what he was doing he started laughing and said he was joking and was waiting for me to realise.

My in laws live a plane journey away so we don't see them very often (4/5 times a year) so I'm not very close to him and don't know how to approach the situation. He's also my DP Stepdad, not real father, so they're not as close as a child/father would be and be able to talk about awkward situations.

How would you approach the situation? I'm thinking of asking DP to speak to her family as a whole and say I'm not really a huggy person, that way FIL won't know it's just aimed at him, but I don't know what I'm going to do about this holiday. The thought of being partially dressed is making my skin crawl.

Be rude now. Or it will be your child being groomed for abuse next. Or taught to be an abuser. This is how men are and everyone is OK with it. Grandad is allowed to perv on my mum.

You are becoming a parent. This is the time to step up against abuse not to smooth it over.

What if the next baby is a girl? How far will you let it go before you tell him to get his hands off her? What if he starts when she gets breasts? She has seen you ogled and felt up for years so thinks she has to let him do it to her too.

Stand up now. For your child. Don't fuck with the Mother Bear.

I wonder how your DP will feel when he's gawping and ogling at her boobs when she is breast feeding...

horrible situation for you. I would be direct with him;

"Why are you looking at my boobs?"

This post made my skin crawl. The filming you without your consent is particularly repulsive.

However hard it is, he needs to be called to account for his behaviour. Keep telling him 'my face is up here' and ask him not to make physical contact with you. Every time it happens. Don't worry about rocking the boat; he certainly isn't worried about offending you. And if ever I saw a case where it was right to assert personal boundaries and defend them - aggressively if necessary - this is it.

Shameful. What a repulsive creep.

Poor you, having to deal with this.

If he's just socially awkward then you're helping him by explaining your boundaries. And it works if he's a perv too.
Tell your dp what you'll be doing and she can support you.
Walk in with bags. If you can't get out of a hug put an arm right up in between you so there's no boob contact.
Wear the clothes you want but challenge him, " did you need something? As you're staring at me"
Tell dp if it doesn't improve then you won't be going back so you need her support.

He's an absolute creep & your DW should be supporting you, not asking you to accept being touched, assaulted & abused. The videoing is so far over the line that I'd have called out his abuse there & then & kicked him out.

Sorry Op, you have a DW problem & she needs to back you. In the absence of that, tell him loudly & clearly that you don't want to be hugged or touched by him. If he gets upset that's tough shit - your body, your choice & he doesn't get to touch you without your permission.

Good luck though as it's a shit situation with your DW & new baby on the way. Hope she has your back in the rest of your relationship as this doesn't bode well at all.

you know he's going to groom your dc into tolerating his perversions too?
Everyone is enabling him.
Abusers paradise!