Family holidays, small children, late nights. Aibu?

[Sparrowlegs248]

We are away with other family members. I have 2 dc, 2 and 4. Last year, I was ridiculed, and told I was being precious and ott for pretty much sticking to usual bedtimes. This meant I couldn't go out in the evening, but didn't stop others going although they still didn't go. I absolutey didn't mind being left behind if they wanted to go out. This year, I have tried to be more relaxed. I'm told that they will lay in, get used to late nights, it won't do them any harm etc. . So far they have laid in by an hour, once. They are tired and crabby. Im pissrd off as i know that if id stuck to my gubs, they wouldnt be tired and crabby.

Aibu to still have them in bed by 8 and ignore he family?? How on earth do others manage this? I know other people's children stay up much later than mine.

I took a pushchair on holiday when mine were that age (youngest still is) then if they're tired they have somewhere to nap when we're out of the apartment. Is there anywhere at the hotel or nearby that hires out equipment like that?

Just back from camping with 4 x dc. Loud bloody site til 10 pm. Dc went a bit later than usual due to noise but we went at 10 pm!!. Yanbu.
A dc about 10 was asking her dm if she could shower 'later' at 10 pm in the toilet block!
No wonder they were awful little shits all day from what I could hear!

I’m afraid we had the same issue with DD1, didn’t lie in and was tired and crabby if out of routine so we just put them to bed at relatively normal time. Sorry that doesn’t help much but you’re not on your own!

Oooooh I feel you. I'm in your camp, but DH is the other, which leads to...tension.

My rational is NO ONE wants to be around my crabby kids so it is in everyone's interest for them to sleep. But also, all those people making comments won't be the ones waking up with them in the morning! (they are early early EARLY risers no matter what time I put them to bed) The number of times I've been on family holidays where all 17 of the kids under 8 have been awake from 6am (with mine up from 4:30) and I've ended up having to babysit them all (get all of them breakfast, intervene in bickering etc) while the PARENTS have had lie ins makes me seethe!

YANBU mine are 4 and 5 now and on holiday this year they stayed up until 9 ish, last year they had a couple of late nights (I mean like 8.30)but at 2 and 3 they went to bed at their normal time. No point in having tired grumpy children, it's not fair on them. Friends of mine go on about how late their dc stay up but are usually in denial about how badly behaved their exhausted dc are by the evening!

I think it depends on your DC. My (dreadful at going to sleep) 5yo and 3yo DC are absolutely fine at going to bed at 10pm and getting up later. That is what they want to do every day. It's awful on normal days as bedtime is a battle but is useful on holidays.
However yanbu that grumpy children are not at all fun. That's often my problem in term time when I have to wake them up early.

Stick to your guns. It's you who has to deal with the fallout of tired and grumpy children. Some kids can cope with late nights and will lie in etc. I did when I was a child. My children don't. The older one is up by 6.30 at the very latest, no matter what. So on holiday she is in bed by normal time. The baby is showing signs of being just as inflexible.

It’s so hard. If you keep them up it’s hard for you in the day, If you don’t you are seen as a party pooper! I would say that 2 and four is pretty little still - and grandparents and other people usually don’t remember what little kids are like - their memories of keeping kids up on holiday are from when they are older.

When ours were that age, we only did self catering with friends or family who had kids the same age and would feed the kids dinner a bit later than usual whilst we had an aperitif, but then one part of a couple put the kids to bed whilst the others cooked and then we would have a late grown up Dinner - for me it was more fun this way - time with friends and family without kids is precious at this stage! Mine are now 5 and 8 and they do stay up more often on holiday now, but not always - the cumulative effect of late nights can be a bit much so they need to catch up every few nights!

We took DS abroad last year when he was eighteen months. Had this idea we could put him in his buggy after dinner and he’d just drop off and allow us to sit in a bar and read or whatever for a couple of hours. Nope. He refused and cried because he was tired and wanted his bed. We tried walking about with him (happily slept in buggy during the day) but he wasn’t interested. We ended up back at the hotel by eight every night sitting in the dark watching Netflix on the iPads. This year, we got a flat in the UK and just put him to bed at his usual time.

Depends on your children. Mine were fine with late nights when they were tiny- they still woke up early but napped more during the day. Other kids stay up late and sleep late. Yet others stay up, wake up early and get over-tired and ratty. You just have to parent the child you have.

Are you anywhere hot? Could they have a siesta nap after lunch?

We always self cater and make sure our meals out etc are in the daytime. Then in the evening we can out little one to bed and crack in with the nice food and wine in the apartment.
I know it's not for everyone but works for us- and no grumpy little boy the next day.

Stick to your guns. Unless your family are willing to take the kids somewhere all day the following day, to let you have a rest....highly doubtful! You know your kids better than anyone.

Every child is different. Luckily my children are good sleepers and late nights on holiday never really affected them, just made sure they had a nap the next day.

When they wake up early we hand them iPads and they go back to sleep, can’t remember if we did this at 2 but certainly at 4 we did

I've experienced this and my answer was to compromise. It can be pretty miserable to not go out in the evenings on holiday. At the same time, it's also pretty miserable to have to endure other kids being up till midnight (I had one parent in the apartment next to me so out of her brain that she left the door open and was woken by a German holidaymaker coming into her room and pointing out the danger - i.e he could have been a random paedophile and taken her children) She was up in arms about this. Whereas it would shock most parents to see sense.
We used to take the pushchair out. Been taking DD abroad since she was 4 months old. She would actually fall asleep in the pushchair. Different dynamic to the usual routine at home. A little bit older and we would eat around 7.30pm then let her try the kids disco. She's now almost 8 and we go by the rule of back to the apartment for 9pm. We can always stay up later to read or have a drink on the balcony.
I accept I am not going to have the freedom I had pre kids. But I'm still able to have some time to myself.
Agree totally that those who let their kids run wild and don't supervise even by the pool is always going to be something I will encounter (be it 2 Greek apartments or 5 hotels) similarly those who let their kids kick the bavk of your plane seats.

Don't go on holidays with people who will have different schedules and expect you to stick to theirs. Go on your own holidays where you can come and go as you please and put the kids to bed at 8pm without criticism.

I had one who could go to bed later and lie in and one who was up at 6.30am whatever time he went to bed. I was strict with his bedtimes and less rigid with the first one. He was about 14 before he started sleeping in later.

Why do they think they know your children better than you do? What is there for such small children to be doing at night anyway??

I’m with you OP, well mostly. My daughter is always in bed by 7, asleep by about half last roughly but we went camping and it was so light out there was no point trying to get her to sleep. She stayed up 2.5 hours past her bedtime each night, didn’t sleep in the following days but somehow just coped. I was a bit stressed about it though, I like routine! Stick with what works for you.

YANBU.

Weird how people love telling you to lighten up, get pissed, stay up late etc but strangely don't get up at 6am with the toddler?

Hmm mine stay up on holiday but I see your point however staying in every night on holiday isn't fun.
Could you do one night in one night out?
Mine always have a nap in holiday in the afternoon if they haven't had a lie in.

It just depends what suits you and your kids. Mine were always buggers to get to bed by 7pm requiring an hour or more of soothing etc when toddlers and driving me insane.....but leave them to party til 10pm and they’d sleep in til 9am next day and that worked brilliantly on holidays. But I’d have preferred kids who actually went to bed at a reasonable time without hours of wind down in normal life!! Stick to your guns; you know what works best for your kids.

OP l am with you, when mine were little l point blank refused to upset their bedtimes, as they went from being easy happy toddlers to monsters.

Stick to your guns.

We take a pushchair, dd goes to 'bed' after dinner in the pushchair and then we do what we want in the evening while she is asleep. Then if she wakes up, i take her back to the room and put her to bed properly.