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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Family holidays, small children, late nights. Aibu?

84 replies

Sparrowlegs248 · 06/08/2019 19:55

We are away with other family members. I have 2 dc, 2 and 4. Last year, I was ridiculed, and told I was being precious and ott for pretty much sticking to usual bedtimes. This meant I couldn't go out in the evening, but didn't stop others going although they still didn't go. I absolutey didn't mind being left behind if they wanted to go out. This year, I have tried to be more relaxed. I'm told that they will lay in, get used to late nights, it won't do them any harm etc. . So far they have laid in by an hour, once. They are tired and crabby. Im pissrd off as i know that if id stuck to my gubs, they wouldnt be tired and crabby.

Aibu to still have them in bed by 8 and ignore he family?? How on earth do others manage this? I know other people's children stay up much later than mine.

OP posts:

jesuschristwtf · 06/08/2019 21:10

My kids sleep at 7 usually. This holiday is going to be the first holiday I let them stay up until 8/9pm for a week so they can stay and watch the holiday entertainment or even walk along the beach after dinner. My son has just given up naps. When he had naps we were more strict on holiday. Kids are 5&3.

PooWillyBumBum · 06/08/2019 21:11

YANBU - they're your kids and you know them.

We've been taking DD to a family villa in Spain since she was a baby and we keep her up until the wee hours but she always slept in the middle of the day for a few hours - it's too hot for tots anyway. Don't know if a nap would help?

Either way they are being unreasonable for ridiculing you. You are on your hols too and shouldn't have to endure crabby kids.

Yabbers · 06/08/2019 21:15

Nope. Stick to bed times for the littles. It’s only from about aged 8 that we got more relaxed about it. When she was little DD never slept in no matter how late we were up. Bedtime on holiday was the same at home and if anyone had a problem with that, tough. Same was true of naps. She napped in the day time pretty much no matter what.

If it isn’t affecting them, let them look after them in the daytime when they are cranky. They won’t complain at early bed then!

icanthelpyou · 06/08/2019 21:16

Always stick to the normal routine, miserable otherwise!

speakout · 06/08/2019 21:19

We have always kept to normal bedtimes even on holiday.

Have a drink at the apartment once children are in bed for some adult time.

Lemons1571 · 06/08/2019 21:21

We warned family of the consequences when they said “just bring a buggy and they can snooze in there”. I did tell them that ds2 would not snooze and would scream but they wouldn’t have it. Until 10pm came and ds2 has been screaming and thrashing about in the mcclaren for 1.5 hours straight. Funnily enough the idea was never spoken of again

Sipperskipper · 06/08/2019 21:28

I’m with you OP. DD (2) would NEVER fall asleep in her pushchair at a restaurant or similar, no matter how tired she was. She’s a great sleeper, but thanks to a decent routine, and only in her cot.

We’ve just got back from a week in Mallorca with friends & my parents in a self catering villa. We pretty much stuck to usual bedtime apart from one late night, but naps went out the window a bit. It worked well as DD would eat dinner with us, I’d put her to bed and then we would be in the garden / by the pool having a few drinks etc.

She was knackered by the end of the week though!

Daddylonglegs1965 · 06/08/2019 21:46

Never holidayed with another family so we could do what we liked without feeling pressurised.
We first went abroad on holiday when our two were 5 and 6 so a little bit older than yours OP but children still need enough sleep. We used to all go back to the room after lunch (the hottest part of the day) and we all had a sleep or lay down for 2 - 3 hours so they wouldn’t be tired and grumpy for the disco. We still went to bed about 11 but it was pretty much impossible to sleep earlier anyway because of the entertainment. Once we got home they went back to usual bed time routines.

Barbarafromblackpool · 06/08/2019 21:50

I don’t have the energy to keep them up later-I need the break!

confusedjuly2019 · 06/08/2019 21:53

Stick to your routine come what may......you will be happier and more relaxed as a result.

stucknoue · 06/08/2019 21:54

Mine slept in the double buggy until they were 5&3, so much better

stucknoue · 06/08/2019 21:57

I admit, we were "that" family with their kids asleep in the corner of a jazz bar or pub type place, we lived overseas

Daddylonglegs1965 · 06/08/2019 21:58

Mine would never have slept in a buggy. But the lunch time siesta worked wonders all round.

RainOrSun · 06/08/2019 22:01

Mine dont sleep in either.
So our holidays are maintaining the same bedtime. They are considerably older than yours, and 6.30 is wake time. They are old enough that I dont need to get up with them but I heard them at 6.20 this morning.
We have holiday accomadation that allows the kids to go to bed, and us to sit up drinking and/or watching tv. And us to sleep in the mornings while they watch tv!

CocoLoco87 · 06/08/2019 22:02

We had a sleep every afternoon for a couple of hours. If you don't sleep, you just rest. Kept the kids up till 10:30/11:00pm and they coped fine. And mine are 2&4. They could sleep in as long as they liked but were usually up around 8:30am

ittakes2 · 06/08/2019 22:09

Mine stayed up and slept in. If you have had them in a strict routine than it will take a bit for them to change their routine ie stay up and sleep in. I think its your kids do what you want.

MollyButton · 06/08/2019 22:24

Do what works for you.

Talk to the others and make it crystal clear that you are quite happy if they go out without you - maybe even say you'd love to catch up with your book or whatever; without others around.

But some children are fine staying up late, and will easily adjust their body clock. Others really need their routine.

Josephinebettany · 06/08/2019 22:25

Put your kids to bed at whatever time suits you and them! It's not their business. If you're happy to stay in to mind your own kids then you do that. I prefer to actually!

WombatChocolate · 06/08/2019 22:26

Well you're there now, so you can either continue trying to people-please and have crabby children who get more crabby as the holiday progresses, or revert to a version of your routine.

It will be perfectly fine to say to anyone who comments 'we tried keeping them up and they are just exhausted and not enjoying their day times and we aren't either, so it's back to earlier bedtimes. I expect they'll manage better when they are a bit older'

Honestly, you must do what works for you and the children, not bow to pressure from family members......just disregard their comments.

And for next year, consider what kind of holiday really works for you. Does going abroad with family work for you at the moment, or should you wait a couple of years for that kind of holiday? Would the others you holiday with consider. Slightly different style that fits with your family a bit more? Otherwise, are you all compatible at the moment?
Of course the existing holiday can be fine if you're prepared to do what works for you and ignore family comments - 8 actually think it's your desire to do what the others want that is the problem. You have tried what they wanted regarding late nights - fair enough - but it didn't work, so that should be the end of that and anyone who can't understand that just needs ignoring in the issue.

Lifeover · 06/08/2019 22:26

Afternoon naps are the best compromise here

WombatChocolate · 06/08/2019 22:29

We had a few holidays where we put DS to bed as usual at 7-7.30. Some involved sitting in a room in the dark (not fun) and others in a cottage having a nice meal and film (much better). We did comment that holidays weren't quite what they had been, but it was fine and only for a few years. Increasingly you're able to stay out later and do more.

It's just one of the things about having little kids isn't it - life changes in lots of ways and you have to just go with it and accept it. It is hard if others don't seem to grasp that fact and I'm sure you can compromise a little bit, whilst broadly sticking to what you know works. I promise you will be able to stay out late again....but it might not be for a while. The time will pass.

WombatChocolate · 06/08/2019 22:32

And yes, for slightly older ones who no longer regularly nap in the day, a bit of a lie down after lunch (snoozing or not) can just give them the energy for an extra couple of hours in the evening......but in my mind, that's more like when they are 5 or 6, rather than 2, but all children are different so you can only do what works for you.

Cherrysoup · 06/08/2019 22:34

Buggy. I've just been on holiday with a 3, 6 and 8 yr old. The 3 yr old went in her buggy as needed and slept on the way home from nights out etc.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/08/2019 05:48

YANBU op. My 2.5 yr old is the same, won't ever sleep in buggy in the evening and won't lie in. My DH's family are also in the habit of not really getting up or going out in the morning at all & simply cannot accommodate anyone who wakes early .

They usually expect that the day starts with "breakfast" at 10.30am, "lunch" at 3.30pm, and dinner NO earlier than 8.30pm. With a toddler who won't nap in a pram for love nor money, they want to go out at the HOTTEST part of the day, when it's terrible for him. Generally they don't really allow for a toddler to have a sleep other than between 11pm and 11am, which just doesn't work for my 6am riser. A week on holiday isn't long enough for him to adjust (winter clock change is HELL in our house).

We just stick to our guns & don't go on holiday with them much.

Barbarafromblackpool · 07/08/2019 08:03

We did one holiday in shared accommodation with another couple with a child and it put me off. They left their baby to cry it out at 4.30 then all snoozed until whenever by which point I’d been awake hours. They then wanted breakfast (we’d eaten) and were ready to go out as we were thinking about lunch. It was a pain.
Until my children are old enough to sleep in/get themselves up and breakfasted/ then we holiday alone. It’s not a break for me to be up early in a place where I have none of the usual distractions and then have to deal with the needs and demands of others. No thank you.

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