To never get family holidays ‘right’

[cavycavy]

Am I the only one?

Our DC is 4 so family holidays (with us making the decisions or so to speak) is a relatively new thing for us and I’m not sure we’ve found the perfect formula as yet. The focus of this one is to keep our DC happy and occupied, because if she is happy, we are all happy. And so we have gone to a caravan site with loads of activities laid on for her age group, 2 swimming pools and nightly discos. She thinks it is WONDERFUL.

The problem is, I’m exhausted. I’m always utterly exhausted and strung out on every holiday we go on. The beds are always awful, our DC gets up even more insanely early than usual. I never really eat properly on holiday (not sure why?!!) And after 4 nights of barely any sleep I actually feel like I could cry!!! So I’m grumpy and short tempered and not the fun mum I should be. DH is doing more than 50% of the playing and entertaining of DC because he can see I’m struggling to hold my shit together. I have absolutely nothing to complain about but here I am.... moaning.

As a result I’ve decided to get an extra early night tonight (DC has just fallen asleep). We’re here until Friday.... can I turn it around tomorrow and make this a good holiday to remember?

Someone slap some sense into me!

I think you need to be kinder to yourself. Holidays with young children are hard work and at a caravan park, you’re probably still having to do all you do at home except it’s a bit harder.

IMHO the object of those sorts of holidays is the childrens clubs - send child - go to back to bed - retrieve child at some point. Eat out - tell me you're not self catering - even eating in a supermarket café is better than cooking in a caravan

Is there a kids club where your DC can go for a morning or afternoon session allowing you and DH to wander to the nearest coffee shop to relax and read alone? Or could you take it in turns to entertain while the other gets a break?

The beds in caravans tend to be very hard, so I don't blame you for finding them uncomfortable! Can you afford something a bit less basic accommodation-wise? I can see why this holiday works for your DC, but ultimately, you're the ones paying and you also need a holiday so it would be good if while keeping your DC occupied and happy you could get something that you want too (like a good night's sleep maybe?). A comfy bed is always top of my list for must haves and I take my own pillows away with me, if I can, which helps. Next time you book something I'd have a think about what your DD wants and then what you and your DP want and see if you can find something that ticks ALL the boxes, not just the ones that will appease a 4-year-old who, in a year or two's time, won't even remember the holiday!

Our DC is too young to leave at the clubs so we are accompanying her. Which is fine. Yes self catering but our caravan is pretty plush, seems brand new. I’d even go as far as to say the kitchen is as well equipped as our kitchen at home. I really have no excuse for being in such a bad mood and short tempered. Besides being extremely tired.

I never sleep well in the days leading up to a holiday, or the first few nights of a holiday. This happened every time, so by half way through I’m at my wits end!

I found holidays when DC1 was 4 really stressful and like you, never felt I got it right. I felt really strung out and stressed.

When she was 5 I booked a cottage in Wales near a child friendly beach which seemed to suit both me and her and we have been back every year. I would personally find an activities type holiday with very little ones a bit much, though I know others like them.

Holidays are hard work! Your doing everything you normally do at home plus loads more with all the activities etc! You're not alone in feeling exhausted on holiday. I always feel like a need a holiday to get over a holiday iyswim! Try to relax and have fun as hard as that may be. You'll look back on these holidays with fond memories in a few years I'm sure!

*you're (I'm a teacher - can't you tell it's school holidays!)

@zafferana agreed. More thought needs to go into our sleeping arrangements next time. And our holiday requirements as adults.

We normally take it in turns doing the early mornings with DC but in a caravan it’s impossible to stay quiet. So I headed out with DC at 7.30 this morning. My turn for a lie in tomorrow though..... oh god I hope my temper calms down! I don’t feel like myself at all!!

When we caravan I meal plan. Eating your favourite food might keep you sane!
Currently travelling home with 4 x dc after 4 nights in a tent.
Maybe be a bit grateful for what you have right now op!!!!

Ok, relief to hear I’m not the only one! I only have the most wonderful memories of family holidays as a child. And now I’m looking back through my mums eyes.... was she actually enjoying it? Or like me, was she feeling on the brink??!

Yes.... I think a tent would send me over the edge right now!!!

Doesn’t get easier: mine are 16 and 18, on hols in a lovely hotel in a sunny climate, with beach, water sports and freedom. Today has been ruined because they hate each other and dh and I are debating hiding until they think we’ve gone out and then going for a meal on our own.

With small kids it isn't a holiday. I just booked this I wanted to do mostly, you just break up the adult activities with trips to the park etc. We backpacked with ours they love looking at the photos

I sounds like it's very intense and child focused (activity club & pool & disco every day!). The holiday should be for the whole family - you need to work out some things that YOU would like to do.

Try somewhere more low-key next time - potter about on the beach, steam railway, lake walk etc and have some parts of each day that are ok for you. Nice cafe or even lazy breakfast while DC watch extra TV. G&T at teatime.

DH and I also take turns to have a chance to for a few hrs off by ourselves - browse round local town, go for a bike ride etc.

4 years old is plenty old enough to be left in many kids clubs with tour operators like Tui, first choice, Thompson’s. Even better if you have the funds for club Med, mark warner or neilsons.

Holiday clubs or nanny’s are the way forward. There are many options a different price points.

Nytol- take one the night before you leave. Take one the 1st night of your holiday. Switch them for kalms if you dislike the idea of nytol.

4 years is old enough to be told/ expected to stay in bed with some quiet toys until the GroClock says it’s time. What about a travel black out curtain?

Ps it gets easier, once they are old enough to leave in the apartment and go drink wine! (They were 15&17)

I too feel the same you have my sympathy!! After a fucking horrendous holiday last year with 18 month old ds I refuse point blank to go anywhere where we have to share a bedroom with him. I was miserable - he was miserable. He refused to sleep till at least ten if not eleven and then was up again at half six. He was grumpy - hated being in his pushchair or his car seat and every nappy change was a fight.

We’ve managed since but I still feel frazzled by the end! It’s horrible isn’t it when you already feel tired tomorrow!

Why are you booking a caravan - why not a cottage near the seaside? Beds much more comfortable, bring some toys in case of rainy days and eat out or buy ready meals!

I don't think you need to be constantly organising things for your child, it's all a bit frantic and exhausting. A few days pottering on the beach, visit a zoo go to McDonald's and having mum and dad together all day for a week is plenty enjoyment for a little one.

I can’t imagine anything less holiday like than a noisy, uncomfortable caravan park.
I’d be tempted to find a nice cottage on the coast. Isle of Wight is brilliant for little ones. Plan more gentle, calmer activities. Children don’t benefit from twenty four hour soft play, screaming and clowns. They’ll be five next year so crabbing, country walks, maybe a riding lesson, jumping waves, a park, nice tourist attraction once or twice, a cinema or theatre trip. Take a few activities for indoors - colouring, DVD, easy craft like sewing or making peg dolls. Writing postcards wil be a nice activity in itself - walk to shop, choose cards, buy stamps and find a nice cafe to sit and write them in.

I suspect your mum had much the same reaction as you; your 4 year old will remember this holiday as being magical. Holidays are really hard work when you have children...

Four is about the average age of those being left in kids clubs?

Maybe out of order of me but seeing as you're so out of sorts is there any chance it's PMT or you're pregnant? You've said a few times this is very unlike you?

I remember one holiday to a Haven Park when mine were 4 & 2. They loved it but it WAS exhausting, very early starts & everyone out of routine. I could've nodded off in the afternoons but of course, no chance! Hopefully tonight will be a bit better & you'll get a bit of sleep. Might help to let your dh take your dc swimming or something while you have a bit of time to recharge your batteries. Honestly I still find just preparing for a holiday exhausting! Mine are much older now & it gets so much easier.

I'd rather have fewer holidays and go full board/all inclusive somewhere than be self catering with kids.

Also, do you have friends/family that you could go away with? Shared childcare, everyone gets a night off and your child has someone to play with.

This holiday is my idea of hell, in fact, it's not a holiday it's like a children's party on repeat for days on end. No fun for adults, less sleep and you're still cooking and cleaning. I think if you want it to feel like a holiday for adults too you either need to make it calmer or remove the cooking and cleaning. Good luck