To never get family holidays ‘right’

[cavycavy]

Am I the only one?

Our DC is 4 so family holidays (with us making the decisions or so to speak) is a relatively new thing for us and I’m not sure we’ve found the perfect formula as yet. The focus of this one is to keep our DC happy and occupied, because if she is happy, we are all happy. And so we have gone to a caravan site with loads of activities laid on for her age group, 2 swimming pools and nightly discos. She thinks it is WONDERFUL.

The problem is, I’m exhausted. I’m always utterly exhausted and strung out on every holiday we go on. The beds are always awful, our DC gets up even more insanely early than usual. I never really eat properly on holiday (not sure why?!!) And after 4 nights of barely any sleep I actually feel like I could cry!!! So I’m grumpy and short tempered and not the fun mum I should be. DH is doing more than 50% of the playing and entertaining of DC because he can see I’m struggling to hold my shit together. I have absolutely nothing to complain about but here I am.... moaning.

As a result I’ve decided to get an extra early night tonight (DC has just fallen asleep). We’re here until Friday.... can I turn it around tomorrow and make this a good holiday to remember?

Someone slap some sense into me!

Ohh I do remember one awful holiday with childless people who didn't start their day till midday. I had an early rising, crawler in a rustic french gite with dusty, stone floors. No English Tv and I'd run out of reading material- not that I got much chance to read. That was fun!

And now I’m looking back through my mums eyes.... was she actually enjoying it? Or like me, was she feeling on the brink??*

Or could it be that, belonging to an earlier generation, she wasn't beating herself up because she didn't feel under an obligation to feel wonderfully relaxed and happy all the time? I know my 87yo mother gets a lot of pleasure from looking back at our family holidays, as do her children, but it's not from an illusion that things never went wrong or that we never grumbled. In some way, perhaps the hard work was her happiness. She did something tricky (4 children, little money) and managed it. You wouldn't feel you were failing if you got out of breath running a marathon.

@katewhinesalot I did ‘rustic’ French gites with my baby/toddler too. Probably the most stressful holidays of my life!

Sympathies OP.

I remember a camping holiday when my dd was 4. She thought it was amazing. Me and dh were soooo tired and strung out that we argued and snapped at each other. We didn't go on holiday again for years! (Unless it was visiting family in Wales).

Then when dd was about 8 and ds 6 we went on an all inclusive holiday to Tenerife, with a kids club and entertainment. It was BLISS!

They're both teens now and have to be dragged out of bed to do anything. Your time is coming x

Mine are 3 and 5. We had a brilliant week in a campervan in Wales this year and prior to that self catering cottages. My top tips would be, split the day up into chunks...something in the morning for the kids, beach, bike ride, swimming, park, etc. followed by picnic lunch (made and packed up straight after breakfast so it's done, out of the way and you don't have to worry about where/when you're going to eat lunch). Then afternoon is something for you, eg walk, visit castle/cathedral, look round shops etc. with kids in tow and the promise of an ice cream, etc to keep them happy. Time to play whilst you sort tea (I meal plan and either get online shop delivered or batch cook stuff and take with me. Nothing fancy, variations on pasta/mince etc). Everyone helps wash up, then play outside or go for a walk after tea, late shower/bed time for kids (late being 8:30/9). They're shattered after a busy day so straight to sleep. DH and I can then relax. I usually go for a short run, he might have a beer and we chill and unwind. We go to bed late for us (11:00ish) but sleep well as knackered. Kids know they must stay a sleep/quiet until sunshine comes out on groclock at 7am (which is a line in for us!!!). We've never done kids clubs etc. always done countryside, beaches, etc and generally just enjoy our time. Yes, it's hard work if they're tired and grumpy but on the whole we all come back feeling refreshed.

I always take sleeping pills for first few nights of a holiday, if not the whole thing.

Hard if your dd is too young for kids clubs, but it will be easier in a year or two

DO NOT SELF CATER!!!!! That is all.....................................

Have a look at Kinderhotels!

@callmeadoctor lol! I always find the opposite with small kids! It's easier to go self-catered, so you always have stuff you know they'll eat. If you don't fancy cooking, there's always takeaway, or a restaurant.

Thinking about it, people go on about the terrible twos, but I'vd always found four year olds much more demanding!

Holidays generally do not work with kids in my experience. I see lots of families relaxed and having fun where ever we go and I see mine stressy and demanding and they are much older than yours .
Kids see holidays as action packed play dates where they push themselves to the limit doing new stuff , fun stuff and generally having a ball . However you get to do your parenting in an unfamiliar place without all of your parenting tools and safety nets that you have at home , it’s not a break . However once it’s fine and you have recovered at home tne good memories will prevail and you will forget the exhaustion.

There is a company called Tots to Travel that does child friendly places. We found a gite through them and have been back about 5 times. The owner even babysits one night free of charge and there was a small playbarn, a pool and English TV. But even with all that I remember crying at 6am one morning when DD was about 3.5 as I couldn't work out how to put the TV on. It's the age...YANBU

We went to a lovely resort in Greece three years running when DC were little and had really nice and relaxing time despite the DC being 1 & 4 in the first year.

The resort had a wonderful creche and kids club, both kids there 10am-1pm which gave us parents a chance to wind down by the pool, then lunch and then family time on the beach/pool during the afternoon. The only stressful part was the sun cream application process during the day!

I never meet these people IRL but on MN there's always someone sneering at kids clubs and blaming people farming their kids out on a FAMILY HOLIDAY . For the record, we have no family near us, it's just DH, DC and me. DH travels a lot so I'm alone with DC most of the time. And yet some arseholes think it's ok to guilt trip another parent because she dared to have 3 hrs to herself during the day. There's still 21h left in the day to spend and make fucking memories.

I love self catering, but insist on a dishwasher. I let kids watch tv. I take some crafting stuff, a new magazine with tatt. Do still eat out probably one meal a day. Don't always make everything full on. Like find a bar in a nice spot and give them toys. Maybe encourage friendships, it must be harder with 1. Although our age gap sometimes makes me feel it's still double work. Drink some wine!

Oh, and I do appreciate that some of those places in Greece or similar with child care costs thousands. We can't afford it and maybe op can't either. I did it once when dd1 was still free on flights. But im not a fan of AI with kids that cant serve themselves at buffet. I don't get to eat my meal.

Holidays with little kids are fucking awful. I have to try really hard not to lose my shit through exhaustion/boredom/millions of requests per hour for money. Don't be hard on yourself.

I once got hours of childcare out of a £25 loom band kit. Another year bought the kids 2 nets and they searched for newts in a lake for hours. It’s about buying the right kit

I agree with a nice cottage and decent beds. Sure you'll miss out on the clubs but in my experience they just make the kids hyper- with our holidays we just had lazy family days at the beach or going for walks (weather permitting) and if it rained wed stay in and just get out a family game, paper and crayons, craft kit etc. And if it was still raining at lunch time we would wrap up and go out anyway.

We totally cracked it with holidays.

Absolutely had to be all inclusive, Greece & Turkey. unlimited drinks & ice creams, food at any time.
We never used kids clubs, but would often put on face painting or kiddies disco near the pool early eveing, so adults could have drink before dinner.
We would tchoose hotels with toddler's pools or slides for bigger ones.
Most hotels had a little play park.
We would choose hotels with bungalow style accommodation, with space for outside guddling/washing shells etc.
I would pack lots of crafts, paints etc small games etc, and if things became too hot by the pool we could sit under trees and do some games or crafts.
All inclusive does not mean you are tied to a hotel, we would eat out a number of times during the holiday.
Most hotels would povide a packed lunch if you ordered the night before.
After dinner we would take some wine back to our villa, put the kids to bed and sit on the verandah having a drink while children are sleping within earshot, just feet away,

We have had many great holidays like this.
Happy kids AND happy parents.

Wine.

Wine
Wine
Wine.....

Gin or beer?

You need this on holidays with little ones. You might even sleep a bit better and relax too.

Be thankful you're not ACTUALLY camping in a tent!!!!!!!!

All these people suggesting all inclusive, lovely places abroad, nice cottages and luxury self catering make me laugh. Presumably the OP would have opted for a more luxurious option if she could afford it.

I know people who choose to camp even when they can afford hotels (because they love camping) but I don’t know anyone who would choose a caravan over a lovely all inclusive resort or fancy cottage. Particularly if they know the beds are always awful.

All these people suggesting all inclusive, lovely places abroad, nice cottages and luxury self catering make me laugh.

Not to mention the fact that they are actually on the holiday. Like, now. It's a bit like a poster complaining that they are battling to find rainy-day activities for their kids on holiday in Scotland, and a dozen people suggesting a holiday in Miami instead. Your award for helpfulness is in the post.

I don’t know about all-inclusive holidays but I know quite a few people who have opted for Haven caravan holidays when they could absolutely afford a week in a cottage. They like the activities and swimming pools, discos etc. Which is fine if that’s what you want, but they are not necessarily the cheap option.

Completely understand where you are coming from. Mine are now 15 and 13 and we go everywhere and anywhere with them - just come back from Edinburgh Fringe.

We used to stay in this country when they were really little - hired a cottage on a farm in Devon through Farmstay I think it was and it was brilliant and not far from Cornwall either. We also did Butlins purely for the children - I absolutely hated it but if they were happy and I had wine I was okay. We then camped every summer at a brilliant place in Norfolk. Our tent was pitched right next to a sandpit where all the kids congregated. They were some of our best holidays with the kids all in and out of each other's tents. We then went to Centreparcs in France, Belgium, Holland - drove through the chunnel - the joy of these Centreparcs abroad are that the activities are brilliant and you can leave the kids for an hour or so and go and have some parent time.

My motto was keep them occupied and tire them out. You will get an hour or so in the evening or if not fall asleep with them out of pure exhaustion!

I agree that all-inc plus kids’ club are the solutions.

I’m in Menorca with my 9yo at the moment (single parent). Didn’t start taking her on this sort of holiday til she was 5 - all-inclusive, kids’ club for 2hrs/day and loads of kids’ activities (football/archery etc) during the day - means she has a fab time with new friends while I can relax with a book. In between, we play card games in the shade, play in the pool etc. I think up to 4/5, holidays are such hard work - watching families with tinies around the pool and in the restaurant, I feel sorry for the poor parents having no break.