To never get family holidays ‘right’

[cavycavy]

Am I the only one?

Our DC is 4 so family holidays (with us making the decisions or so to speak) is a relatively new thing for us and I’m not sure we’ve found the perfect formula as yet. The focus of this one is to keep our DC happy and occupied, because if she is happy, we are all happy. And so we have gone to a caravan site with loads of activities laid on for her age group, 2 swimming pools and nightly discos. She thinks it is WONDERFUL.

The problem is, I’m exhausted. I’m always utterly exhausted and strung out on every holiday we go on. The beds are always awful, our DC gets up even more insanely early than usual. I never really eat properly on holiday (not sure why?!!) And after 4 nights of barely any sleep I actually feel like I could cry!!! So I’m grumpy and short tempered and not the fun mum I should be. DH is doing more than 50% of the playing and entertaining of DC because he can see I’m struggling to hold my shit together. I have absolutely nothing to complain about but here I am.... moaning.

As a result I’ve decided to get an extra early night tonight (DC has just fallen asleep). We’re here until Friday.... can I turn it around tomorrow and make this a good holiday to remember?

Someone slap some sense into me!

I think the caravan is the problem too. Find somewhere with a nicer bed. And you don’t need kids club if you hate them. Unless it’s the drop and run type. I take mine to either trips to zoos or AI with water parks. It really gets easier when they are older. You can send them to activities and just sit down and have a drink and wait.

The trick is to just try different things and you will find something you all enjoy. Don’t push yourself into something you hate just because the children loves it.

Until ours were about 8 holidays were only holidays for DH and me if there was a kids club they could go to. Otherwise it was just like entertaining them at weekends but for 7 days at a time and without the convenience of all the stuff we have at home.

Agree with others saying to take it down a notch and do some lower key things with her. But, really, they are just hard work. I do think kids get a lot out of them though. Ours always seemed to have gained confidence after we got back from a holiday (but maybe it was just that I was so shattered they had to be more outgoing!).

I always enjoyed a haven holiday when mine were little. I always found them quite relaxing.

We always did our own thing though. Pottered about the beach, looked around local towns/ cities and places of interest, steam railway rides, zoos etc. Never really took part in the day time on site activities, and didn’t go to the evening ones every night, maybe three nights out of seven.

Yes.... I think a tent would send me over the edge right now!!!

^
Just what I want to hear. We have a 3 night camping trip coming up

Bugger that! holidays are for everyone not just the kids.
You need some time to do stuff that makes you happy too, it will be good to teach her that in families its not just about her.
We did a few Disney holidays but many more where we dragged them all skiing or sea fishing, even took them on a whisky tour of the Hebrides because that's what we wanted to do, and they still managed to have a nice (ish!!) time.

Caravans - same daily shit in a tiny box and more people invading your personal space than at home.

The only holiday with kids is a fully catered one in a beautiful location with kids clubs.

DP has suggested caravans to me with 2 kid, I said yes, you do all the catering so book it (we were too broke to eat out). He didn't book it.

We've always had lovely holidays but we often go with others and the workload is shared.
On shorter breaks with just us and the kids I have lower expectations so I'm never disappointed.

We arranged for lo to do learn 2 bike, aqua gliders etc at haven last week, we also did lots of evening walks on the beach to wind her down.

The entertainment in the evening was too loud and full on so we did ur own stuff.

We went to weymouth bay.

Op My advice for a good holiday with a 4 yr old?

Go to somewhere with guaranteed good weather, but not scorching
Accomodation with her sleeping seperately to you and DH
Half board or full board, or restaurant on site.
KIDS CLUB for her age. Big it up befor you go, drop her after breakfast collect for family lunch and drop her for the pm (at least every other day)
Something there for you ie fab pool/gym/spa whatever it is you like to do.
The only point of holidays is to come back feeling refreshed, she will have lovely memories regardless of whether or not you run yourself ragged.

When mine wre 2 up to 7 we went to Mark Warner for the kids clubs, they went there ,we went sailing or lazed by the pool.
From 7 up we have been to all inclusive Egypt, short flight, fab facilities, kids club.
Now they are older we head further afield, but in the earlier days it all about making it easy for you so you get some rest.
NO COOKING< CLEANING>FOOD SHOPPING >MINIMAL ORGANISING!

I have a four year old and for us the solution is self catered but really nice. So certainly enough comfy beds and a private pool. Then within easy distance of lots of day out type places.

Swimming is tiring so can you take DC as late as you can, even if that’s after dinner?
Does her room have black out blinds? If not, sellotape some black bin liners over the windows.
Good luck!

Your mistake is putting your child’s needs before your own. Kids are happy when the adults are happy. If you make their happiness the focus of your day they will grow up to be entitled and selfish (possibly)

You would be surprised at the ages that get left alone at kids club. You aren't ready to leave her is more the issue.

After a few problem holidays DH in a moment of genius pointed out that the issue with holidays is that you do them once a year, have high expectations, spend a lot of money but have minimal opportunity to learn how to do it better if you are disappointed.

So after that we made a massive effort after each holiday to work out what was good, what was bad, what was never to be repeated under any circumstances. And over the course of a few years our holidays have transformed to a winning formula as we know what we like and we know longer have a screaming row within 1 day of arrival.

Your holiday I'd say:
Good - DC loving it
Bad - lack of adult break
Never to be repeated - sleeping arrangements, you not eating

Well yeah, because it's all the same shit you have to do at home, in an unfamiliar location, with higher expectations and fewer props.

That is the truest true thing.

Be kind to yourself. Holidays with small kids are fucking exhausting.

I will go against the grain here. Caravaning abroad this year with 2 children, 1 toddler and 1 teen. Self-catering for the most part. It's still a holiday, even without parking the kids off elsewhere. Breakfast is simple: cereal or pastry. Lunch is sandwiches made with local bread, cheese and meats. Snacks are locally-grown fruits - delicious compared to the bland stuff at home. I cook dinners with simple fridge- or freezer-friendly ingredients. We go swimming in the pool or in the sea daily. We speak a different language and both kids are actively encouraged to speak it, too. We visit a few sites, play board games or the kids amuse themselves in separate playgrounds or with simple activities. I don't have to worry about laundry, paperwork, work or things that need sorting at home until we are at home. The key is to find a decent caravan site with plenty to do. As many bedrooms as you can afford, decking, suitable clothes. It still feels like a decent holiday.

All inclusive is our answer,

No cooking, not even making toast. No aupermarket shopping, no washing up. no thinking about what's for lunch. Take in turns to supervise kids in the pool while the other gets a break.
Share a drink on a terrace or verandah after dinner while children sleep within earshot a few feet away.

Oh OP - this brings back memories of an 18 month old DS who was always an early riser but who woke up even earlier on holiday. We took in turns to take him out so he didn't wake his older brother.

So there was me, at 5.00 am in a seaside town on the south coast, pushing DS in his buggy and just wanting to go home. I don't know why we didn't go home actually. Unlike another poster up thread our holidays did get better. DS is now in his 30s and I miss holidaying together!

Ive never organised a holiday solely around the dc, if anything the other way round. We’ve had some amazing holidays , you can get young children to be interested in anything, take your dc to places that interest you, there will always be things for them to do, you can always make your activities appealing to dc. Unless you don’t have any imagination.
I can’t think of anything worse than a whole day of kids club type activities, all that noise. No wonder you can’t sleep you’re having your senses bombarded in a not nice way. ( I have stayed in a caravan ..... just went off site and saw things, went to beaches etc)

We love a Haven holiday and go for a weekend every year but book a private caravan as you can choose where you want to be on site. We book a lovely one where rabbits, ducks and squirrels visit every morning it really doesn't feel like a Haven site. Trips on the lake, swimming every day, catching crabs at the beach , eating out every night, my DS loves it and we find it relaxing!

But why are you always exhausted on holidays?

Why are the beds always shit?

Do YOU enjoy that kind of holiday? If not, decide what you and dh want.

We always do luxury self catering. Nice beds, good garden for dc at that age, plenty to do. Order a Tesco order to arrive when we do. Go out for meals.

I don’t like organised holidays with loads of other people, so I don’t do them with my dc.

We are doing a week in a caravan wth fun activities for the kids followed by a week in a remote cottage to recover from the week in a caravan!

Im with @Emmapeeler .

Personally I could never stand Haven/Butlin type holidays with discos etc.

We have done cottages in Northumberland, Cornwall, Wales ever since ours were small.

Lots of swimming, activities with animals, castles, sightseeing & chill in an evening.

Really not much point going on holiday if it's making you upset you definitely need to rethink .

Holidays with 4 year olds are very hard work. We actually had less than a week when our dc were this young as it was all all of us could cope with!

You should have a day or two doing something for you guys too. It doesn't have to be completely child focussed.

I also dont see the point Of going on holiday & leaving your children in kids clubs 🤷‍♀️

If only, why not? Maybe her DD would love to be in a holiday club playing with other children? My DS (only child) loved kids clubs and even at 17 would join in the 'teens club' and have a great time. Some people seem to think that kids clubs are prison camps . As a SAHM I spent plenty of time with my DS and, quite honestly, needed a break myself when on holiday.