To never get family holidays ‘right’

[cavycavy]

Am I the only one?

Our DC is 4 so family holidays (with us making the decisions or so to speak) is a relatively new thing for us and I’m not sure we’ve found the perfect formula as yet. The focus of this one is to keep our DC happy and occupied, because if she is happy, we are all happy. And so we have gone to a caravan site with loads of activities laid on for her age group, 2 swimming pools and nightly discos. She thinks it is WONDERFUL.

The problem is, I’m exhausted. I’m always utterly exhausted and strung out on every holiday we go on. The beds are always awful, our DC gets up even more insanely early than usual. I never really eat properly on holiday (not sure why?!!) And after 4 nights of barely any sleep I actually feel like I could cry!!! So I’m grumpy and short tempered and not the fun mum I should be. DH is doing more than 50% of the playing and entertaining of DC because he can see I’m struggling to hold my shit together. I have absolutely nothing to complain about but here I am.... moaning.

As a result I’ve decided to get an extra early night tonight (DC has just fallen asleep). We’re here until Friday.... can I turn it around tomorrow and make this a good holiday to remember?

Someone slap some sense into me!

It just is tiring and limiting with young kids, but it does get easier! It's not you getting something, it's having a young child.

I'll never forget a friend saying, on her first holiday with two under 4s, that she realised that holiday would not be really be a holiday for a good few years.

But I also remember it being such a revelation a few years ago when we finally went on holiday and the kids could stay up later enough for us to eat dinner together at a normal time and we didn't have to be holed up where we were staying after 7pm every night.

if only, my DH & I love holidays in Northumberland in a cottage, but after our last one our DS declared it the most boring place ever , despite the castles, beach, boat rides, swimming, golf, stunning scenery, DVDs, nice meals & board games etc! Looking forward to going back without him now he's off to uni.

I think your blessed to have a holiday.

I was due to fly out yesterday to Spain and ended up not making the flight as I was extremely unwell. Here I am, at home, missing the sun and not getting away. I know its tiring with young children but just make the most of it.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls because they love it!

Currently in Greece 10 days all inclusive at a holiday village (Tui) our 5 year old picks from the variety of daily activities that he would like to do. So yesterday he went to the chocolate party which was 8-10pm he has been so excited to go and have a party with other 5 year olds, eat chocolate, dance sing and eat chocolate for two hours. DH and went to the bar, drank cocktails and played cards. Heaven for everyone.

Could we replicate that sort of exciting activity for a 5 year old for two hours straight? No. Did everyone come away happy yes.

I'm just the same. Family holidays are knackering. But weirdly my children love them despite me coming home so tired and stressed I could cry!

Look forward to getting home - it always feels like the most luxurious hotel in the world after you've been away, with everything right where and how you want it.

No fond memories of holidays when mine were both under five, unfortunately. Just bloody knackering if you have a tight budget.
Agree with PP who have encouraged a bit of balance. There has to be something in it for the adults.
Hopefully after a lie in you will feel braver!

My DM had a rule on holiday that we had a day for everyone.

Great on the day of what I wanted to do, less great on the eye-bleedingly dull day of the tram museum.

Luckily most days suited everyone but it did make sure that everyone got something.

After a few years of feeling it was different place, same shit, she also instituted the 'no cooking' rule. As far as she was concerned, it didn't matter how shit the accommodation was and sometimes it was very under no circumstances was she self-catering.

You need to find what is a holiday for you and have it.

I remember doing Haven as a young single parent with a 4 year old and a 1 year old. It was not a holiday! Made worse by the fact that the soft play (which I thought would be my saviour) the 4 year old met the published age requirement but not the height requirement..
Holidays became holidays again when my youngest was about 8, and could swim fairly confidently. Now he’s almost a teen though is the first time in a few years I’m trying self catering again. Last few holidays have been all inclusive, and the part that made it a holiday for me was not having to cook or plan a meal, wash a dish, or even pour a drink for a whole week!!

Oh.. and I also second the suggestion of getting off the site for a good chunk of tomorrow. Find a local zoo or farm park or castle or something, or even just go for a wander around the nearest town. If you wanted to share what site you’re on I’m sure someone would have a recommendation.

Do something that YOU want to do tomorrow. Either plan an activity for yourself only, or the family all together, or grab a book for the day or take yourself for a walk. But do something you want. It's your holiday too and you need some leisure time.
Our holiday this year is staying with my partner's family for 2 weeks, while he worked half days for 1 week. It's an awesome place they live in, but hardly great circumstances for a family holiday for us and our 5 year old. I insisted on an activity yesterday that we could all do together, but was totally my interest and choice. We all loved it and it made a big difference to my sanity.

We did a Haven holiday at the start of the summer with a 4yo and 2yo, and LOVED it. But, we didn't do a lot of activities - big hunt one day and a treasure hunt another, both about 30mins. We didn't go to the evening entertainment either.

We DID go swimming every day, and had "nap time" each afternoon - while DD (2) napped, we insisted on DS (4) also "napping", by which we meant "playing quietly with Lego" or "watching crap on the iPad" or really anything that was nice and quiet. Gave us an hour and a half of peace every day.

We also tried to get out and about a bit, to the beach or into the town or just somewhere nice to walk.

My advice is to try to slow the pace a bit. Get your DD to entertain herself for a bit (even if it has to be iPad).

Keep food simple; get pizza delivered or go out for dinner.

Does your caravan have a sofa bed, and if so, is it any softer than the actual beds?

I know where you're coming from, except I'm a single parent with twins! We only go on caravan holidays as that's all I can afford (last minute deals ). The DC absolutely love staying in a caravan.

I tend not to cook - breakfast is toast and fruit. Lunch sandwiches/hot dogs etc. Dinner is a ready meal. I take them to the morning club and sit relaxing while they play. Then off to the beach where I sit relaxing while they play. Then swimming while I sit relaxing while they play (or have a swim myself). Evening entertainment where I sit relaxing with a drink (or two) while they join in the fun. So...I basically do nothing much at all and they have the time of their lives.

I actually find it much harder now they're 10 and aren't quite so easily entertained. And they hate each other and want to kill each other - constantly at each others' throats. Luckily they'll quite happily be in the pool for hours and hours at a time, so I relax at the poolside.

So the only suggestion I can make is sit back, relax and let your DC have fun. No need to join in or stress .

Those telling the OP to get a nice cottage rather than a caravan-it might be that the caravan is cheap and that is simply what they can afford?

@Letseatgrandma I am no expert, but I did look up Haven holidays this summer (thinking maybe my kids needed an activity/disco holiday) and I was surprised by how expensive they were.

You can rent caravans on sites (near castles and beaches ) without kids clubs/discos etc more cheaply, it’s true.

But Welsh holiday cottage rentals are usually much cheaper than, say, Cornwall. I imagine Northumberland is too.

A holiday with young children isn’t really a holiday. It’s just the same old hard work but in a different place. Get a sitter next time and have yourselves a proper get away! Relaxation, cocktails and naps!

@Letseatgrandma caravan holidays are not cheap during peak season. Quite the opposite.

OP- Can you figure out what it is that is causing the anxiety before you leave? Is it leaving home? The great unknown of what's about to happen? I'm no expert but if you are relaxed before you go then you will feel better as you adjust to the holiday?

You sound as if you are really sensible towards your holidays and I am sure that your DD is having an amazing time. As PP have said, this is not a relaxing phase. I hope that you find a way to be kinder to yourself, and give yourself the opportunity to relax.

(We take it in turns to have an afternoon nap, plus we usually have a bottle of wine and nibbles on a night).

Another vote for cottage not caravan. I suspect the price difference won’t be that significant. Stay away from the coast and go for rural too if you want to limit cost. You’re not paying for all the organised activities for a start. And the kids actually don’t need those - a gentler pace is fine for them and you can keep a semblance of your home routine.

Update: did fall easily to sleep. Definitely think I’d benefit from some nytol. But either way, I got about 6 hours of sleep and do feel loads better today! At the park drinking coffee.....

Should have said DIDNT

This is the same for all family life though isn't it?

You plan holidays, try and make them have something for everyone, some bits work well, some bits don't despite your best efforts because a kid sulks, or they bicker for three hours straight, or something you thought they would like they turn out not to anymore, or DH has a hangover and fucks you off all morning, or you have a hangover and fuck everyone else off, etc etc. You have painstakingly assembled all the ESSENTIAL ingredients for a brilliant experience and fail to pull it off 100% because that is life and life ain't perfect, despite what Facebook might suggest.

Repeat the exact same above for Christmas Day, any family day out.

As long as overall the good bits outweigh the bad bits, and the next time you do said activity/holiday/Christmas Day it gets slightly better than last time and you are very clear to all those involved that are of an age to help, contribute and make a bloody effort, you are winning IMVHO.

And relax. As pp have said, be a bit kinder to yourself. Striving for perfection or to repeat an idea of a family holiday from your own childhood will ultimately make you feel like you have failed so try and go with the flow a bit more.

Oh and my toppest toppest tip - do not think taking your one year old black lab on your caravan holiday will be relaxing. It will not.

I remember our haven holiday with 2 year old, it was fucking awful. Same shite bit in a cramped caravan. Never again. Going abroad all inclusive next year hell be 6. I for have to cook and hoping it'll be more relaxing

Mine are 14 and 11 now, but we've never had a bad holiday with them tbh. It was certainly more effort when they were tiny, but camping and self-catering cottages worked best for us. We never went to sites with activities and kids' clubs - just went to the beach and played at the house/campsite. Took toys, colouring books etc. I think too many activities and too much excitement makes them (and you!) tired and over-stimulated tbh.

All inclusive with a pool. All food, snacks and drinks availeble at alltimes, adult share pool guarding time with kids, and relaxing, evening on balcony with drinks while kids sleep. Boring but peacefull..

After a horrendous holiday in Italy when DS was 4 (early days of booking our own holidays) I decided that in future

Everywhere must have DVD player / kids TV / wifi nowadays

So if you need a rest stick their favourite film on for an hour or so

Self catering accommodation so you get the space - but don't self cater. Eat out at least once a day - no cooked breakfast unless DH chooses to cook

If there's room I take my own pillow. Also I take the odd sleeping pill if I've had a few days not sleeping

If possible, a dishwasher saves washing up and a washer/ dryer means that with minimal effort you don't arrive home with a big pile of dirty clothes

We did a few Butlins holidays when DS was junior school age as there is always something to occupy in bad weather - we stayed in apartment