To be hurt by “friends” comments about my LO

[LadyStigma]

I recently reached out to “friend” I’d had difficulties with before.
She was unsupportive as soon as I was pregnant but that was understandable as she had lost 2 babies herself so that wasn’t a big issue.
Once LO was born she was around a lot but started making digs at the baby-
“Why does the brat cry so much” 6 week old with CMPA
“No wonder they are fat with how much they are on the boob”
And also a few other things like laughing at the babies double chin and being unsupportive with PND.

Getting better in myself I reached out to try and mend branches as she was hurting it was semi understandable. 5 months later my LO is 7 months.
“Friend” still continuously called them fat
Mentioned how she would never want kids if they were like that
That they wouldn’t be worth giving up dairy and soya for while breastfeeding.
She also said “haha look at the state of them” at my little one who is actively cruising along furniture at 7 months (while slightly unsteady as they just started 2 days ago I’m 100% a proud mum)

Worst of all it really stung for her to say “babies who aren’t cute tend to turn into good looking adults”
Now my babies adorable, not being bias, I’m actively stopped in the street by strangers every time I’m out who call them gorgeous.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset because I’m the idiot who thought she’d have went back to the friend she was prior to the pregnancy? Did I set myself up for it?

Wait, what? She's not a friend, please cut her off.

So after years of trying I'm pregnant with ident twin boys. I'm just ecstatic...I'm 36 weeks now, ecstatic may not be the word, maybe absolutely fucking knackered. I have a 3 year old girl. I am 43.

At work, I've had a close friend for 20 years. She knows about my fertility issues. She doesnt know about my ivf, but knows we wanted a baby. She was there for me and advised sometimes to my annoyance, but on the whole I appreciated her taking time. She herself has 2 kids, a boy and girl. She desperately wanted a boy. In her community, having a boy is great news!! But she loves both I'm sure.

Anyway, once she found out I'm having twins, to say she changed was an understatement. I arranged a date for pizza at work. But on same day I had an antenatal appointment. So I told her to wait for an extra 20 minutes and if I'm not back to go have lunch without me. She text me back saying she cant wait an extra 20 minutes as she "would be really hungry by then". I was shocked tbh. I thought 20 minutes for a longtime friend who us pregnant wouldn't be an ask. Since then, shes taken me off her wots app, not made contact (we used to chat every 2 to 3 days),not to even ask how I am. I'm quite a private person but in early days sent her a scan picture, to which she responded with oh wow, but that's all. In office I went to chat to her and she without looking at me said sternly "I'm busy".

I'm the pregnant one, but walking on egg shells around her! I just thought I'd get a card or wots app or maternity do from her as shes been my 'friend's for 20 years.

As an aside, I have in 20 years sometimes heard her make comments which can only be down to envy but I've always brushed it off. She has given me many gifts but I've always said I just want your friendship nothing else.

When I was first pregnant, again after a long time, I was really anxious about my down syndrome test being 40 years old. I told her I was. I also told her after the result I'd be more confident. She then told me "well I know someone who had the test, came out negative, but the baby was still born floppy". I just looked at her and was in disbelief. I later text her to tell her how upset I was and she apologised, cried and said "I dont want to talk about it!".

What would you do with this 20 year friend considering shes taken me off her wots app. ?

@minxymoos congrats on the twins that’s excellent news! I’m afraid it sounds like your in the same boat as me. Cut that friend off, no more letting that negativity sit around your precious little ones! Plus your pregnant and do not need any stress so just let her keep you blocked and move on happily

She isnt a nice person. Your life will be richer without her. Agree with other posters it comes from a place of bitter anger and jealousy and not anything to do with what she thinks of your little one. If she cant be kind and happy for her friends she doesn't deserve any.

I couldn't be friends with someone who actively targets and humiliates a 7 month old baby. Whatever her personal trauma there is no excuse for that.

I think her bitterness and jealousy have ruined her as a friend which is sad and not your fault!

As for the fat comments - I’m here to tell you that fat babies are the cutest thing ever to grace our planet! the little chubby chins, and wrists, and legs. 😍😍😍

Enjoy your gorgeous baby! Maybe when your friend gets the help she needs she can truly offer a sincere apology. For now though, the toxicity is too much.

Time to let her go OP

She's jealous of you and bitter because of her own situation. Seriously, you can do without that nastiness in your life. What a horrible person.

She's jealous of you and bitter because of her own situation. Seriously, you can do without that nastiness in your life. What a horrible person.

Was she a good friend to you before or has she always had form for this kind of jealous behavior?

She sounds like a bitter cunt. I'd tell her, too.

Have less contact. Your friend will move on from this phase but it wouldn't hurt for you to mention how hurtful and negative her remarks are.

The first line of your first post says enough, OP.

You've had issues before, you're continuing to have issues. It's causing you enough upset and stress to ask for advice. Get rid!

I mean she’s never been that supportive and always selfish but that was her personality and I was okay with it for the most part. When it’s directed at my baby I just feel such a protective rage it’s making it impossible not to lash out. I could say a lot of hurtful things to her but I’m not that kinda person.

My only issue is do I tell her where it’s went wrong or just completely ghost any attempt at conversation she makes now?

You could say that you don’t like the comments she’s been making about your baby so you want to take a break from seeing her.

I’d say something like

“We’ve spoken before about how cruel you’ve been to my baby and nothing’s changed. I’m not going to stay friends with someone who can be so deliberately cruel and for no reason. Friends just don’t do that to friends. I want some distance now.”

I am acutely aware that no one will think my ds is as beautiful/clever/awesome/amazing as I do. I don't expect anyone to enjoy him as much as I do, tolerate his bad days as much as I do etc. He's my lifestyle choice, and no one else has to embrace it. I don't particularly enjoy everyone else's children either. No one is obliged and its indeed unreasonable to expect someone else to like your baby even half as much as you do.

However, making rude comments about a baby? That's pretty foul and totally unnecessary. Tell her to fuck off and never come back.

YABU still to be friends with this woman

@Shmithecat2 oh I definitely do not expect anyone to love her as much as I do, I don’t expect anyone to put up with her tantrums or sass.
I went out of my way to meet up and leave the baby at home with DP, when dropping me home she wanted to come in and see LO I wasn’t prepared for the negative comments in anyway as I really hoped they were left in the past.

I’m cutting the friendship here it’s now too far gone and I definitely resent her comments and digs. No matter how uninterested I was in someone’s child I’d never make rude or hurtful comments towards them 🤷🏻‍♀️

@LadyStigma

Sorry, I wasn't saying you felt she should love your baby like you do. Just explaining that even though I have zero expectations of others towards my child, even I wouldn't put up with a 'friend' like yours. Regardless of her losses, she's not a nice person. Glad to see your cutting contact!

@Shmithecat oh I know it’s so impossible for anyone too see their utter perfection the way we see them though. High ask haha!

Sadly some friends can’t stay friends, 100% don’t come before our babies 😍

Stand up for your children!!!! Never let someone speak about them like this!
Please cut all contact. You sound lovely and she sounds like a complete cow.

She sounds like a massive dick. Why are you even friends with someone like that?!

Stand up for your children!!!!

It's the very least you can do as a parent.

That's not a friend at all, She doesn't sound like a nice person to be around at all. I don't know how you haven't snapped and told her to do one.
If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say nothing at all.