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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hurt by “friends” comments about my LO

106 replies

LadyStigma · 05/08/2019 23:34

I recently reached out to “friend” I’d had difficulties with before.
She was unsupportive as soon as I was pregnant but that was understandable as she had lost 2 babies herself so that wasn’t a big issue.
Once LO was born she was around a lot but started making digs at the baby-
“Why does the brat cry so much” 6 week old with CMPA
“No wonder they are fat with how much they are on the boob”
And also a few other things like laughing at the babies double chin and being unsupportive with PND.

Getting better in myself I reached out to try and mend branches as she was hurting it was semi understandable. 5 months later my LO is 7 months.
“Friend” still continuously called them fat
Mentioned how she would never want kids if they were like that
That they wouldn’t be worth giving up dairy and soya for while breastfeeding.
She also said “haha look at the state of them” at my little one who is actively cruising along furniture at 7 months (while slightly unsteady as they just started 2 days ago I’m 100% a proud mum)

Worst of all it really stung for her to say “babies who aren’t cute tend to turn into good looking adults”
Now my babies adorable, not being bias, I’m actively stopped in the street by strangers every time I’m out who call them gorgeous.

Am I being unreasonable for being upset because I’m the idiot who thought she’d have went back to the friend she was prior to the pregnancy? Did I set myself up for it?

OP posts:
FireCrotch · 06/08/2019 03:35

I'm genuinely the most easy going and laidback person ever. I make allowances for bad/mean/selfish behaviour and am a very supportive friend. I also forgive and forget too easily. Basically a push over/walk over/whatever. Which is why when my sil insulted my newborn daughter's birthmark and miniscule amount of ginger hair by saying not to mention me "Never mind, most people know not to stare at birth marks, red hair and other disfigurements. It'll be okay. Let's just hope she gets her dad's brains eh?"
Now, she's a deputy head teacher with a child herself (she wanted more and dbil didnt ). She was perfectly polite and pleasant when I first met her but over the years has developed into a bitter, opinionated and mouthy bitch who turns the tears on when confronted. Other than a quick hello and goodbye at family events I haven't had a conversation with her in 9 years.

catofdoom · 06/08/2019 03:41

I've had 8 losses. I'm still nowhere even approaching as much of a cunt as she is.

Tell her she's a thundercunt and why and then have a lovely life with your lovely baby. Smile

cantfindname · 06/08/2019 04:09

I really wouldn't let her get to me as the comments are so patently ridiculous.

Yes she is hurting badly, but that is a poor excuse for her behaviour and attempts to belittle your baby. I would ask her, just once, to stop with the nastiness and if she takes no notice then ditch her. It's not impossible that she doesn't realise how bitter she has become or how often she says these things, so give her a chance... but only one!

WorkerBee83 · 06/08/2019 04:16

Either way you look at it she’s hurting or bitter it’s absolutely disgusting behaviour and that is not how a “friend” should be I’d cut that negative shit out of yours and you LO’s life!!! Xxx

Buddytheelf85 · 06/08/2019 04:45

Tbh I don’t think her comments are THAT bad. She definitely does sound bitter, but I take it as a compliment when people call my baby fat. And the comment you say was ‘worst of all’ seems like a nothing to me.

I don’t think you need to stand up for your baby, they can’t understand. You just need to decide whether you want to be friends with her. Most of the comments you’ve reported I’d be able to look past but that’s me, not you. If you can’t then you either tell her you find it hurtful or you end the friendship.

mathanxiety · 06/08/2019 05:18

She frankly sounds unhinged.

And a horrible, angry person to boot.

Dump her and block her on your phone and all SM.

You do not need this person in your life any more.

Flowers to you and your lovely baby.

KatherineJaneway · 06/08/2019 06:28

She is jealous and bitter

100% this ^

Vanillelle · 06/08/2019 06:31

She's just a horrible person. Maybe she is hurting because of her own experiences, but she's deliberately trying to hurt you too and that's not ok. You will be happier without her in your life.

Loveislandaddict · 06/08/2019 07:12

She sounds horrible.

KUGA · 06/08/2019 07:34

Sorry to say.
Your idea of a friend is different to mine.
No friend would say the vile things about your baby as she has and does.
How abusive is that.
Get rid and find your other friends and make new ones.

contrary13 · 06/08/2019 07:44

"Once LO was born she was around a lot but started making digs at the baby- “Why does the brat cry so much” 6 week old with CMPA"

I'd not continue a friendship at all, with someone who called my 6 week old baby a brat, I'm afraid. They'd be given short shrift - and out of our lives, regardless of whether they'd suffered miscarriages, been my best friend for years, or not.

This woman is not your friend, OP.

She is jealous of you. Most women who suffer a miscarriage don't then go on to make blatantly rude, offensive comments about their friends' children! My best friend had a baby 3 months after I miscarried - I put my own misery to one side, pasted a smile onto my face, and cuddled that baby even though my heart felt like it was breaking. Because my friendship with his mother was (is) important to me. Every time I see that baby - and he's a ginormous 17 year old now - I am reminded of the one I lost... but that's just how life is sometimes. Not once have I ever referred to him as a "brat". Either you need to re-evaluate your own lack of self esteem, and work out why you're so desperate to keep this woman in your life - or you simply need to keep your baby away from her entirely, and shut her down every time she sneers at you for having had them!

MrsEricBana · 06/08/2019 07:53

One thoughtless comment maybe you could let go but not this. You've tried to be a friend to her and she sounds horrible. Definitely don't see her again and find some nicer friends for you and your lovely baby.

Louloulovesyou · 06/08/2019 07:53

She feels bad so she is doing everything she can to make you feel bad. She is not a friend. Time to make some new friends.

SunshineCake · 06/08/2019 08:00

The minute she called my child a brat would have been the last time I had any interaction with her. Ditch her and tell her why.

Losing babies in a miscarriage is no justification for this cruelty.

MrsGrammaticus · 06/08/2019 08:05

Text her "x I been reflecting on a number of your comments re: baby. I find them deeply hurtful and tbh somewhat toxic. I'm sorry for your losses but suggest you seek therapy as projecting your anger or bitterness onto my DC can't happen anymore. I wish you well for the future" ......and block

Tumbleweed101 · 06/08/2019 08:21

Sounds like she has issues to work through. However you and your beautiful baby don’t need to be part of that - definitely move on from this person.

GrouchoMrx · 06/08/2019 08:28

You really have to ask yourself why you consider her a friend?

I think you should cut your ties quickly.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 06/08/2019 08:29

It’s time to let her go

Sadly it’s too painful for her to be friends with you and she is taking her hurt out on you in a very nasty and spiteful way which isn’t fair at all and you can not make it better for her

I would send a note saying that you find her remarks hurtful and feel it’s best to end the friendship

You will feel better for explaining how you feel.

And enjoy this time it really really does fly by

Original poster
LadyStigma · 06/08/2019 08:31

Yeah we have been friends for so long I didn’t want to just cut all ties the first time around. After the brat comment I didn’t speak to her for at least 4 months. This time round she was so apologetic through message and admitted she’d been shit but then as soon as we were together again and she asked about mum life the comments started flowing. It’s definitely over now, not a friendship I want to be dealing with, I was just really sad for my LO cause she deserves better than to be spoke about like that

OP posts:
Lilymossflower · 06/08/2019 08:43

She must go.

She won't change and her comments are unhealthy for you and for baby will hear them and be affected.

Ditch her. Full stop.

Geronimorlassie · 06/08/2019 08:59

For gods sake why do you think this person is your friend. Have a bit of self respect and especially a bit of respect for your own child. Really....why the hell do you need for strangers to tell you this.

ASundayWellSpent · 06/08/2019 09:27

Am not a conflictive person on the whole, but just the first comment alone would have me telling her to fuck off and cutting contact. Its your job to bring your baby up in a happy non toxic environment so she has no place there

LittlePaintBox · 06/08/2019 09:31

Loads of people have miscarriages, but most don't choose to take it out on people who've had babies. Her behaviour is ridiculous. Please protect your child from her awful attitude.

Dec2019mumtobe · 06/08/2019 09:41

She doesn't sound much of a friend to me....

MatildaTheCat · 06/08/2019 09:41

Re read the first sentence of you OP. She’s always been a bitch. She’s now just found a new and better way to get under your skin.

Just tell her she’s crossed a line and has, therefore lost you as a friend. And yes, do tell her rather than ghost her. She needs to know.

There’s a big misconception on here that oldest friend means they are somehow more precious. In fact, you’ve just been putting up with her for so long you have got used to it. Stop.