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Original poster

To ask what you've sacrificed in your relationship?

88 replies

djsosn · 05/08/2019 21:34

I think all relationships have sacrifices if we think heard enough, but some are bigger than others.

When it comes to my marriage I've sacrificed holidays - my husband hates going anywhere which means we haven't been away together in 7 years and counting. It used to bother me but now I'm not too fussed about it - but I still wouldn't say no to a trip away!

OP posts:
OctopusNow · 05/08/2019 22:37

Myself, definitely. Barely remember who I used to be and am so ashamed at what I put up with.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 05/08/2019 22:40

Getting a dog. I grew up with dogs, would love to have one, but DP is very much a cat person, and actively dislikes dogs. We have a cat, and I love her, she brings so much joy, but god, I would be so happy to have a dog.

MadCap · 05/08/2019 22:41

My home country and all my family and friends. I left the day after our wedding.

user1486131602 · 05/08/2019 22:46

Octopusnow:
Always time to change!
I too was incredulous over what and how long I put up with things.
A dear friend said to me once: you will know when enough is enough, she was right. Details don’t matter but it was just one comment too many.
So I have spent this year investing in myself and my future even tho that meant divorcing I’m still happy.
I hope you will find peace and happiness x

rainylake · 05/08/2019 22:47

Having a cat or dog. It was always something really important to me and a huge part of how I imagined my adult life would be. I do feel that DH wasn't entirely up front with me in that early on in our relationship when it came up he would say things like "oh well I don't particularly like animals but if it's important to you...". Fast forward to being married and finally in a house with a garden rather than a rented upper floor flat, and it turns out he hates the thought of animals in the house and won't contemplate it. I'm still hoping the kids talk him into it when they're older.

Stefoscope · 05/08/2019 22:47

Not too much really. We're generally on the same page when it comes to work, pets, where to live etc. If I had to name one thing, it would be living in a slightly less tidy house than I'd like as he's not great at clearing up after himself!

Jsmith99 · 05/08/2019 22:49

I have sacrificed my freedom and independence.

I am naturally a very independent self-contained person. I earn my own money, pay my own way, own my own house, own my own car, make my own choices, do my own thing. I hate relying on others for anything. Being in a long-term relationship means having to compromise my independence to fit in with DPs life, which does not come naturally at all. I feel ‘tied down’, and I always will. This is in no sense a criticism of DP, who is also an independent character so he understands my quirks. Of course, being in a relationship has many benefits, which balance the restrictions on each partner’s freedom.

Whoops75 · 05/08/2019 22:53

Wearing high heels , we’re the same height.

Oral sex, dh uncle died of a hpv related Cancer.

Hadenoughofitall441 · 05/08/2019 22:55

Moving to America

Fortyandfabulous · 05/08/2019 22:57

Joy and happiness

Vanillelle · 05/08/2019 23:00

Not very much - the obvious trade off of monogamy over sex with others (but I was happy to make that sacrifice).

I have less time alone for my own pursuits - we tend to do things together (crossword, board games, tv, chat) and that leaves me less time for solitary pastimes like reading and writing. But my husband would never begrudge me time on my own, so it's my own fault for not enforcing it.

I generally feel like I gave up very little and got the world in return.

PhDone · 05/08/2019 23:00

Nothing really... I always wanted to live abroad and dh didn't but he's finally come around to that!
Now I come to think of it, I usually seem to get what I want eventually, even if it takes years for dh to come around!
He moved city for me, wasn't sure about getting married in the beginning (we are), or having kids (does now), and now said he'll move abroad...

MrsReader · 05/08/2019 23:00

Having another child. DH is adamant we are not having another (currently have one)

Help with the baby, housework, finances

Feeling truly loved and respected

AngelasAshes · 05/08/2019 23:02

One big empty bed to starfish in with no snoring to keep me awake.

OctopusNow · 05/08/2019 23:07

@user1486131602, thank you for your kind words.
Good luck for your future and congratulations on being so strong.

KTCluck · 05/08/2019 23:10

Having a tidy and organised garage and garden shed that you can actually move in. DH has filled them both with crap Sad. Otherwise nothing, we have similar goals for the future except for the Marie kondoing if the shed and similar outlooks on life.

Sorry to those who regret what they have sacrificed. OctopusNow and Fortyandfabulous you have both sacrificed too much. It’s not too late to get some of it back Flowers

Awaywiththefairies27 · 05/08/2019 23:12

Marriage, my DP is entirely against the idea. The first 20 odd years of my life were spent dreaming about running off to elope somewhere with my perfect man and growing old together through all the massive anniversaries, giving up that dream was tough, it was the only real dream I actually had.

Everything else in our relationship is perfect but I'm still a bit sore I'll never get to buy tatty Mr & Mrs slippers Blush

flyingspaghettimonster · 05/08/2019 23:22

I sacrificed my degree when we had 1st child, then my chance of a career by agreeing to move to America so we could get his PHD there while livong near his family. Then I sacrificed seeing my own family by staying here, including missing my last years I could have had with my grandparents. Then I sacrificed my friendships and settled lifestyle in a nice area to kove with him for his career. We've been together sice we were 18 and I wouldn't want a different husband or family. I do sometimes wish we could move back to England though. And I do worry I have left myself with nothing if he chose to divorce me at some point.

notacooldad · 05/08/2019 23:24

Nothing at all.
I've only gained.

applecatchers36 · 05/08/2019 23:32

My pride in loving and being loved by someone very different to me
Thought of myself as a radical rage against the machine protester
He is quieter, less political but am totally convinced a better father and husband than the poetic radicals that first crossed my path...

PlaymobilPirate · 05/08/2019 23:38

Getting married - he doesn't want to. It makes me sad every single day

He gave up living in his home city to move to mine. Only the next city over but a very big deal in terms of his beloved football team

givemesteel · 05/08/2019 23:47

Having a dog, especially a really big one. One day it might change but not in the next decade.

We both compromised on where we ended up living and the house we bought, overall I think we're both OK with it.

I would have lived in London for longer before moving out but he was getting very unhappy there.

There's things I'd do in the house and garden if it was only me as the decision maker which he won't do.

So none of it is major, I guess they're more compromises than sacrifices, apart from the dog.

pelly1 · 05/08/2019 23:57

Multiple sexual partners.
Certain sexual activities (DH is just not into them).
Evening/weekend hobbies/classes - I still do a few, but when I was single I'd be out most evenings a week. DH doesn't stop me from doing them, but we'd end up just passing each other in the morning and at night and not have any time for each other.
Personal space (including sleeping in a bed by myself). I used to really like living alone and I would often take up lots of floor space over a period of time with my creative interests, with only myself to think about.

I've gained far more though - DH keeps me balanced and he's great company. He's also a reliable breadwinner which has allowed me to step back and become self-employed.

1300cakes · 06/08/2019 00:41

This isn't really the point of the thread but OP why don't you go on holidays by yourself? If the answer is you prefer not to go alone, well then you wouldn't be going if you were single either so you haven't really sacrificed it by marrying.

BonAccordSpur · 06/08/2019 00:55

Ill sacrifice for my kids but not partner..had a wonderful liberated life
since deciding to remain single.