To not want to be pregnant anymore?

[gonewiththepotter]

😭

I’m 5+3 into a planned and wanted pregnancy. But I did not plan for, or want, all the horrific side effects that hit my almost from the moment of conception.

• constant nausea
• intermittent vomiting

-heartburn -horrific dizzy spells -painful gas (all the time) -horrible stomach aches -cervical cramping

🙄 it’s AWFUL I can’t eat a meal or sleep through the night and it’s been like this for weeks with no sign of improvement. I’m on my second set of meds from GP to control it. The first did nothing. These ones help some issues but make others worse.

Nausea gets better but stomach aches, gas and heartburn get worse! I can’t take antacids as they made the nausea unbearable!!

I’m just so miserable, lonely and fed up. DH has been working 14 hour shifts since Thursday so been lucky to see him got 20 mins a day (commuting on top). My DM came over today but I was so poorly we couldn’t leave the house.

I’ve rang pregnancy sickness support and they told me I needed to be admitted to the EP ward and treated aggressively. So I rang the EP ward who very kindly said... 😂 not a bloody chance!

I’m not dehydrated as keeping water down so I’m not a priority. I get that...but do they just expect me to keep going like this?

I’m so low and keep saying to DH/DM ‘I just can’t do this anymore/ for another 6 weeks’ and they just nod along - tell me it will get better soon- but won’t actually discuss any options. DH is devestated at the thought of terminating and I just feel so guilty.

I’m losing so much weight (don’t have it to lose) and just feel like everywhere I go for help tell me something different and pass me on!

I’m currently laid here, exhausted, with heartburn and horrible gas due to the anti nausea tablets. Desperate to sleep but can’t lay down and can’t manage to fall asleep in the 10-15 minutes between having to get up and pee!

Op I really feel for you. My first pregnancy was very similar, and very few people understood.

I didn't regret it in the end. I even went on to a second one (and that was better). I will never forget it though, and never forget how difficult it was for others to understand.

Sending you my support OP.

As annoying as it is to hear, hang in there because it gets easier. I know you’ve already heard that but it’s true. It’s also so so worth it for what you get at the end of it.
Have you tried sleeping with loads of pillows so you’re not totally horizontal, that helped my nausea a bit, as did ginger biscuits. Have a bucket next to you so you’re not rushing to the loo.
The beginning is so hard but you’ll laugh about it next year (or in a few years).

Mine was like this. Horrific. It went on and on and I ended up being induced early at 36 weeks because my physical and mental health was so bad.

It’s hard, but rest. Hopefully this will pass c

😭😭😭😭😭

I honestly just can’t anymore. I feel so unwell all of the time and nobody gets it around me. My DM had a walk in the Park pregnancy and DH is a DR who tends to be a bit ‘Well you’re breathing unaided so are you REALLY that Ill?’

Of course they are both being sympathetic but in a way which makes me wonder whether they believe it’s really THAT bad 🙄

And NOBODY acknowledges that being pregnant is a choice!
It’s just ‘Well you just need to get through the next few weeks’ and I’m like NO!

I don’t HAVE to get through anything if I’m suffering this badly stop ‘putting down’ how I feel and essentially telling me to ‘get on with it’ 😡 plus there’s no guarentees it will stop. A friend of mine was still vomiting as she gave birth!

@Chocolate35

I’m exclusively ‘sleeping’ propped up at a 90 degree angle. If I lay down I will wake up vomiting/wretching stomach acid. But being sat up isn’t helping that Much and my hips are starting to get really painful 😭

i know how you feel - i had hyperemesis for about 7 months with my first. its awful. Same with my second, but that was a little different as i was pregnant with twins, so double sickness. Hang in there OP.

I felt a bit like this with my second pregnancy. The tiredness and constant nausea made me so low- I remember crying putting dd to bed as I couldn’t imagine another month-6 weeks of feeling so shit.

We live in NI so termination was never an option, but I remember thinking if I was in England I’d have found it hard not to consider it.

It did get slowly better, and by 14 weeks I felt totally fine. This differs for a lot of women, but most say around 12 weeks things really improve.

DS is 4 months now and I’ve already blocked out so much of shitty early pregnancy that I’ve asked DH to think about number 3!

As harsh as this sounds, if you want a baby, you've just got to get through it, because even if your ended this pregnancy, it'll very very likely be the same next time, and at least some of it is out of the way now.

I think we often downplay just how miserable morning sickness often is. I felt like I had norovirus for 3 months straight. In fact mine started immediately after norovirus, and I don't know where that ended and morning sickness began.

But, as dreadful as it is, you've been signed off, so all you have to do is endure each day, and eventually you'll get there. First trimester in subsequent pregnancies is a whole new level of suffering.

Its worth it though. So very worth it.

Also- have you joined one of the MN antenatal threads for your birth month? There’s also a hyperemsis support thread running most of the time, and it can really help to have a moan with people who understand exactly how you’re feeling:

I’ve posted on a previous thread of yours, that must have been a couple of weeks ago and you were suffering then. You must have been around 3 weeks pregnant, I thought you were further along.
Have you thought about the possibility that anxiety may be playing a part in how ill you are feeling? Are the anti sickness meds working, I remember you saying that you had nausea only, no vomiting.
I’m sure you know that if you eat something with carbs it can help settle the nausea, often an empty stomach makes it worse.
You must be suffering terribly to be considering terminating.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I went through two pregnancies that were both this bad. It’s terrible. I became quite badly depressed in the second. I did eventually get drugs that made life a bit more bearable, although was still sick at least once every single day of both pregnancies from around 8dpo. Vile. Had eight admissions to hospital in first pregnancy and six in second- which makes second pregnancy sound better but to be honest I think it was worse, I just pushed through and resisted being admitted because my elder child was a nightmare for my DH when I wasn’t there at night.

Only thing I can say is that I have two absolutely wonderful kids who are the light of my life and they were worth it. I also had extraordinarily good labours and recovery postnatally, not a sniff of PND- I was just euphoric to no longer be pregnant.

You’re stronger than you know but you have my absolute sympathy. There are lots of drugs you can try so keep badgering your GP. Also make sure you see the perinatal mental health team if you need to- mine were invaluable.

I had similar to this.

My nausea was incessant. I lost two stone in the first three months because I was so nauseous I couldn't eat and I was only just above 7.5 stone to start. It looked traumatic when you looked at me.

Add in migraines, gall bladder problems, fractured rib from the baby kicking later, compromised cervix, false labour, and about a dozen other things. Then an early arrived at 31+6. Everybody told me how bad it was that he arrived so early but tbh I was incredibly relieved to be done being pregnant.

It doesn't necessarily get better but it does get easier to live with and manage if that makes sense. I swore I was going to terminate or jump off a bridge just to end the misery.

Oddly enough he's 14 months now and I'm contemplating another one.
Can you be signed off work if you're working? I found I could just about cope if I could lay in bed all day watching shit Netflix.

@Hugtheduggee

I know I do understand that but just enduring each day is making me dread waking up to face it all again! Being signed off doesn’t make the illness easier to cope with, other than colleagues think I’m ‘milking’ something that ‘most women have’ 🙄

Plus there’s this shadow lurking that I could lose LO anyway. There’s no guarentee I’ll even make it to 12 weeks (which I keep being reminded of) so fantastic...I might just be going through this living hell for nothing.

I’ve always wanted kids but honestly this has made me reconsider. I’ve already told DH that should anything go wrong I would not be trying again anytime remotely soon - potentially never!

I was like this in my first pregnancy. I only survived by making myself as cold as possible and nibbling constantly even though I didn’t want to. Eg a portion of plain rice eaten slowly over 2 hours. Having an empty stomach made it much worse as it was then just acid.

Oh and getting tired made it worse so I got signed off work and lay about being a human incubator.

Op I have everything you describe. I am 11 weeks now so I know exactly what you're going through. I have been signed off work because of how bad I am. Just take each day as it comes and do what you need to do to get through. I know what you mean about the anti acids as the ones I've tried, are really hard to keep down so I avoid taking them if I can although if I manage to keep them down, they do work. It will all be worth it in the end.

I feel for you OP, my first pregnancy was the same. I thought of termination many times and every time I saw the midwife/had a scan I'd pray there wouldn't a heartbeat - so that the whole thing would be over.

I guess the only thing I'd say, and this is what got me through, is if you know you really want a child and you terminate this pregnancy, a year or two from now longing for a child may come up again and you might decide to fall pregnant again. Then you'll have to go through it all again from the beginning. Right now, every day down is another day that you won't have to live through again.

It sucks that others don't seem sympathetic. I find they are, but of course they aren't experiencing it and anyway what can they do? It's really a very personal journey.

You poor poor thing. I've had hyperemesis twice and it is horrendous. I seriously considered termination too.
But I didn't go ahead with it and I am so very thankful I didn't.
Please speak to your GP again. If you are losing weight then you do need to be seen. I'm so sorry you're suffering. I really hope it passes soon.

@Lizzielocket

Thanks for your support on the last thread. Yes I’ve really been unwell since before I found out. Literally tested because I felt so dreadful. Think I mentioned my irregular periods (that’s what made dating pretty hard) but we are now pretty confident that I’m 5+3. Tbh just establishing that was a blow as thought I was further along than I actually was 😭

It’s not anxiety - it doesn’t get better when I’m distracted and even wakes me up in the middle of the night. Tbh I don’t feel anxious at all, just miserable and angry!

Oh I was the very same. Such a wanted pregnancy but so different to how I expected it. I was fobbed off until about 8 weeks when I was started on a drug called cariban. It's a relatively new drug in Europe but has been used in Canada and the US for over 20 years with little side effects. It improved the nausea so much. Unfortunately my pregnancy was remained difficult though and my baby was delivered by emergency c section at 29 weeks.
It was a tough pregnancy and and even tougher time after she was born. But I did it. And you can do it too it's difficult but as pp said if you want your baby you just have to get through it! My dd is fine now and I went on to do it again!

It’s not forever, a child is. You can do this.

It's rubbish. Really, really rubbish. I get that. Most people that have posted will have been there. And as awful as it is, we made it out the other side. I have friends who were repeatedly hospitalised due to not even keeping water down. Its so miserable.

Pregnancy often is miserable. The first trimester is just an endurance race.

Oh also I really found online hyperemesis support groups helped. These were the only women who understood what I was going through and were so supportive to each other. They gave loads of tips and advice. It was so nice not to feel like I was the only one experiencing it and it really helped tw read from the people going thru the same and worse

My friend had two terminations because of hyperemesis. It was the right decision for her. You do what's right for you.

I felt so unwell with my DD but did ease at 10 weeks. The thing is, previous to DD I had two MC and unlike with my DS I had no symptoms so I thought something was wrong, so when I had symptoms with DD even though they were lawful it was glorious also-take some comfort in that. You’re growing a life-never going to be easier. Motherhood is going to be all about sacrifices from here on. You can do this!