To not want to be pregnant anymore?

[gonewiththepotter]

😭

I’m 5+3 into a planned and wanted pregnancy. But I did not plan for, or want, all the horrific side effects that hit my almost from the moment of conception.

• constant nausea
• intermittent vomiting

-heartburn -horrific dizzy spells -painful gas (all the time) -horrible stomach aches -cervical cramping

🙄 it’s AWFUL I can’t eat a meal or sleep through the night and it’s been like this for weeks with no sign of improvement. I’m on my second set of meds from GP to control it. The first did nothing. These ones help some issues but make others worse.

Nausea gets better but stomach aches, gas and heartburn get worse! I can’t take antacids as they made the nausea unbearable!!

I’m just so miserable, lonely and fed up. DH has been working 14 hour shifts since Thursday so been lucky to see him got 20 mins a day (commuting on top). My DM came over today but I was so poorly we couldn’t leave the house.

I’ve rang pregnancy sickness support and they told me I needed to be admitted to the EP ward and treated aggressively. So I rang the EP ward who very kindly said... 😂 not a bloody chance!

I’m not dehydrated as keeping water down so I’m not a priority. I get that...but do they just expect me to keep going like this?

I’m so low and keep saying to DH/DM ‘I just can’t do this anymore/ for another 6 weeks’ and they just nod along - tell me it will get better soon- but won’t actually discuss any options. DH is devestated at the thought of terminating and I just feel so guilty.

I’m losing so much weight (don’t have it to lose) and just feel like everywhere I go for help tell me something different and pass me on!

I’m currently laid here, exhausted, with heartburn and horrible gas due to the anti nausea tablets. Desperate to sleep but can’t lay down and can’t manage to fall asleep in the 10-15 minutes between having to get up and pee!

From 3 weeks right through to when I delivered my baby I had hyperemeses, water retention, weird eating issues due to sickness, unbelievable tiredness, high blood pressure, suspected pre eclampsia, suspected GD....but I made it. It made the early weeks with my baby a breeze as I had been living a nightmare for 9 months. Stick with it...you can definitely do it.

I 100% get where you are coming from and what makes it worse is that people don't understand, and make you feel like you are just not coping with a normal experience.

I am on my third hyperemesis pregnancy and this time I have twins. The symptoms definitely started earlier this time so the fact that you have such severe symptoms so early might be an indication you have more than one on board.

I remember being so disappointed that my second was a singleton as we knew we wanted three - and that meant going through a third pregnancy (be careful what you wish for!!)

I also totally get the fear of not even knowing that you have a viable foetus. I had convinced myself that I had a molar pregnancy or something terrible each time.

A few of my friends have had fertility issues and I have been absolutely blessed to fall pregnant straight away each time. But I haven't felt able to moan or rant about how awful I have felt because I feel that would be insensitive.

Guilt plays a huge part too - each pregnancy I have felt less guilty as I know more about hyperemesis now and know that it is absolutely not my fault and that it is just unlucky. So please don't let that eat you up too.

The first 8 wks (wks 6-14 for me) were absolute hell and I didn't leave the house aside from hospital admissions. If EPU won't take you then go to A&E. I am a medical professional myself and have been pretty shocked by the lack of intervention offered when clearly dehydrated (the magic ketones that get you an admission weren't always high enough but I lost 10kg so was clearly not well).

As others have said it is 100% worth it and you do totally forget. I am still off work at 25 wks and won't be going back now but even though I still have constant nausea the worst bit is well behind me (hopefully!) and even though it is very recent for me I can't remember exactly how awful I felt.

Ignore those who don't offer you sympathy. Do whatever you can to survive (audiobooks are good if you can't watch screens), get a calendar to countdown (but do it in small chunks - wk 40 will seem insurmountable at the moment).

Sending lots of anti-sickness thoughts (not hugs as I assume you can't do physical contact yet!) and we are here if you need us xxx

@gonewiththepotter I totally understand how you feel. I've name changed for this. Because I feel horrible for some of the thoughts I had i early pregnancy.

I like you was plagued by terrible nausea & sickness. Horrible heart burn. Dreadful trapped wind (honestly, never felt pain like it, thought I'd done something to my back, could barely walk) awful constipation and then piles. Oh the joys of pregnancy.

I was job hunting at the beginning of my pregnancy due to being made redundant. All of the above made this extremely challenging.

All of these side effects put my life on hold. Made me a terrible person to live with. Was awful.

Worst of all, and I'm not sure I'll ever really forgive myself, but I had some heavy bleeding at 11 weeks. I cried with sadness but also with relief. Because I thought at least all these horrible side effects will stop! I felt/still feel terrible for thinking that.
Thankful everything was okay with baby. And (thank god) as I hit 12 weeks, all the side effects went. I wont lie and say pregnancy was easy, but the 2nd and 3rd trimesters were easier. And now as I sit here holding my little one, I can honestly say, id do it all again. Those first 12 weeks were awful. I cried everyday. But it gets better.

I've been where you are, twice, for forty weeks each.

You need to go to your GP and tell them that you want Ondansetron AND Omeprazole.

These should start working very quickly and give you some small pockets of the day when you can eat. They aren't a complete fix though. You will still probably feel hideous first thing and at intervals during the day.

If you cannot work because of this ask to be signed off, work places cannot penalise you for pregnancy related illness.

I've been where you are, twice, for forty weeks each.

You need to go to your GP and tell them that you want Ondansetron AND Omeprazole.

These should start working very quickly and give you some small pockets of the day when you can eat. They aren't a complete fix though. You will still probably feel hideous first thing and at intervals during the day.

If you cannot work because of this ask to be signed off, work places cannot penalise you for pregnancy related illness.

I've been where you are, twice, for forty weeks each.

You need to go to your GP and tell them that you want Ondansetron AND Omeprazole.

These should start working very quickly and give you some small pockets of the day when you can eat. They aren't a complete fix though. You will still probably feel hideous first thing and at intervals during the day.

If you cannot work because of this ask to be signed off, work places cannot penalise you for pregnancy related illness.

I've been where you are, twice, for forty weeks each.

You need to go to your GP and tell them that you want Ondansetron AND Omeprazole.

These should start working very quickly and give you some small pockets of the day when you can eat. They aren't a complete fix though. You will still probably feel hideous first thing and at intervals during the day.

If you cannot work because of this ask to be signed off, work places cannot penalise you for pregnancy related illness.

Sorry about the multiposts!

Second the omeprozole - I was on it for months. Before that Zantac. Both did the job but the omeprozole was the best. Gaviscon and Rennie made the nausea worse. If you can't get a GP appt today go and buy Zantac it's available over the counter.

Sickness - I had it. Don't know if anyone else has suggested that buy you can go to your maternity hospital emergency room and they will help you. I would do that (and did for another issue). My GP was hopeless.

Second the omeprozole - I was on it for months. Before that Zantac. Both did the job but the omeprozole was the best. Gaviscon and Rennie made the nausea worse. If you can't get a GP appt today go and buy Zantac it's available over the counter.

Sickness - I had it. Don't know if anyone else has suggested that buy you can go to your maternity hospital emergency room and they will help you. I would do that (and did for another issue). My GP was hopeless.

Second the omeprozole - I was on it for months. Before that Zantac. Both did the job but the omeprozole was the best. Gaviscon and Rennie made the nausea worse. If you can't get a GP appt today go and buy Zantac it's available over the counter.

Sickness - I had it. Don't know if anyone else has suggested that buy you can go to your maternity hospital emergency room and they will help you. I would do that (and did for another issue). My GP was hopeless.

Second the omeprozole - I was on it for months. Before that Zantac. Both did the job but the omeprozole was the best. Gaviscon and Rennie made the nausea worse. If you can't get a GP appt today go and buy Zantac it's available over the counter.

Sickness - I had it. Don't know if anyone else has suggested that buy you can go to your maternity hospital emergency room and they will help you. I would do that (and did for another issue). My GP was hopeless.

Second the omeprozole - I was on it for months. Before that Zantac. Both did the job but the omeprozole was the best. Gaviscon and Rennie made the nausea worse. If you can't get a GP appt today go and buy Zantac it's available over the counter.

Sickness - I had it. Don't know if anyone else has suggested that buy you can go to your maternity hospital emergency room and they will help you. I would do that (and did for another issue). My GP was hopeless.

I feel for you OP. I was miserable with nausea during the first trimester and really struggled and had it nowhere near as bad as you do.

Re continuing the pregnancy, only you can make that call. It's such a hard position to be in I do worry though that here's no guarantee that any subsequent pregnancies wouldn't be the same, If you can stick it out it might be better than starting all over again.

I’ve spoken to GP who has asked me to go in this aft. DH is luckily off work so will take me. He actually happens to know this GP (did a training course together) and DH says he’s ‘very on it’ so hopefully I’ll get some decent help!

Thank you all for your support.

Today is weird because I’m SOOO hungry but the moment I eat I feel dreadful! It’s the most dramatically hungry I’ve been so far!

I did spread to DH about considering ‘options’ he was very soft and said he understood why I feel like that and I should not feel guilty. However whilst he’ll support whatever I choose he does REALLY want with pregnancy and would be very sad!

I don’t think I could actually do it 😭

OP I’m so sorry you feel like this I fell pregnant in January and was exactly the same I had never felt so depressed, low and anxious in my life and my mental health was in such a bad place in the end! The whole experience was debilitating I had bleeding at 8 weeks and when I went for a scan I felt like the most terrible person in the world hoping there wouldn’t be a heartbeat as I just wanted it all to end. There was issues with my relationship and personal life and everything just got on top of me so I ended up making the heartbreaking decision to terminate at 10 weeks. I thought I would feel better and I did for the first 24 hours then the realisation of what I had just done hit me, along with the grief and crashing hormones. I regret my decision so much and wish I had more support from DP and the NHS but sometimes others just can’t understand how we are feeling and I wish I had just given it more time and suffered through. A termination is not an easy way out by any means and I’m still having counselling for making that decision and the truth is if this was wanted and planned pregnancy you will only be left feeling like you want to replace what you’ve lost.

Try to stay strong it will pass and be worth it in the end and as I said there is no easy way out.

You poor thing. No advice to offer but just sending you (useless) and reminding you that you are the most important person here and any decision you make is valid

I took 12 years to conceive and I found out I was pregnant at 9!weeks after all that time !

I had felt sick for ages and when I was scanned I didn’t know where I was and when I saw 12 weeks by then I thought YAY my sickness will now go.

When I was feeling sick still at 17 weeks I literally stood at the top of my stairs and could have fallen down, I wanted to have an ‘Accidebt ’

Sorry but at 26 weeks I started to feel better but I had to give up my job by then.

All that said, my son is the light of my whole life. He was in NICU for a week, scared the shit out of me, I failed and breastfeeding and he didn’t sleep for 3 months out of arms but all worth it now he’s 6 months and loving life.

You will get through this

I was pregnant during the heatwave last year and was so pissed off!

Now, my life is totally complete xx

In the hardest moments I just can’t see how I’ll carry on like this.

But this was a wanted and tried for pregnancy. As far as we know LO is healthy and I have no other dependants so can be signed off work literally just in bed thinking about me! On that basis I feel awful considering termination and think I’ll need to get worse to justify it to myself.

I’d have to live with myself afterwards!

DH loved the idea of an early scan and we’ve now got one booked to determine viability ❤️

I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies right up until both babies were born. Vile.

BUT, OP, there are a number of meds so if you’re getting heartburn etc then ask for something different. What are you on?

Also, if you are in or close to london, there is a (newish) walk-in hyperemesis clinic at Chelsea Westminster if you need it. NHS. Don’t need to be admitted. It’s really helpful.

Obviously I could afford them but I had 4 private scans after 12 weeks because I considered them as bonding ones, when you feel shit seeing your baby bobbing around really helps

As well as NHS scans, I had 11 week one (to see how far along as I did know), 16 week, 24 week and 32 week x 2 to have a 3D scan (second time as he didn’t show his face and I got a free rescan)

I was on cyclizine and now I’m on prochloperazine.

Unfortunately I’m nowhere near London although a walk in clinic is amazing!! Wish HG was better provided for.

I also can’t find a HG support group on here. I’ve searched but only find old ones??

What do you mean to determine viability?

It's shit. I had 2 hyperemesis pregnancies - the second one was the worst and I was vomiting >30 times a day, and I'm a SAHM with a then two year old. It was brutal and I wished I wasn't pregnant loads of times. The baby from that pregnancy is 15 months old now and he's pretty much the love of my life - along with his sister of course - and so so so worth it. He is definitely my last baby though!

Keep going to the doctors until the meds are right, get signed off work, make sure those around you look after you!