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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I supposed to buy my own bridesmaid dress?

122 replies

Channychanny · 04/08/2019 10:51

AIBU to think that the bride should purchase my dress or that I make a small contribution? I my knowledge of weddings is sheltered however when my cousin got married, she brought our dresses.
Not sure how much she would want me to spend etc I just thought she would purchase them as it’s her wedding? Help me out people?!

OP posts:

BringMeTea · 04/08/2019 17:51

Bridesmaid 5 times. Never paid for a dress. Happy couple pay.

AE18 · 04/08/2019 17:58

I would just say you'll get a dress that you can use for other things within your own budget but if she tries to stipulate the dress just say you can't afford anything fancy or something you can only wear once. She can't really argue with that.

Pebbles16 · 04/08/2019 18:11

As the bride, I paid for dresses. And at least two of them wore them again (delighted). Didn't pay for shoes because I wanted them to have shoes they felt comfy in (no colour etc required). Also didn't pay for hair and make up, because I didn't have hair and make up.

tigger001 · 04/08/2019 18:32

I paid for all my bridesmaids and my maid of honours dresses, accessories, shoes, hair and makeup.

My best friend (maid of honour at mine) got married after me and i paid for my own dress and shoes, I knew she couldn't afford it and is my best mate, so I would have hated for her to have any more unnecessary pressure, so I paid.

I think it depends on the situation.

HavelockVetinari · 04/08/2019 18:47

If you're in the UK it's shockingly rude for a bride to ask you to buy your own bridesmaid dress!

It's really nice for the bride to at least receive an offer to contribute to the cost, if you can afford it, or even say how you'd like to contribute, but can't afford it. It's a nice gesture, and shows you're not taking it for granted

Taking what for granted? Having to wear a dress you haven't chosen and probably wouldn't choose for yourself, taking part in all the wedding organisation and hen do, giving the bride and groom a present...

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/08/2019 18:50

Bride pays and chooses the dress and colour

Tho sometimes when I see wedding pics I do thing out at bm. The style of dress doesn’t suit them

user1199 · 04/08/2019 19:33

A bridesmaid shouldn't have to pay a penny towards the day in my opinion. I see it as an honour to be asked to be a bridesmaid but also the brides responsibility to treat those that she wishes to give that honour to.

Hannahbanana25 · 04/08/2019 22:45

I only had one bridesmaid, we covered her whole outfit and the best man's outfit too but they still got some input on what they had to wear

Tp93 · 05/08/2019 05:16

I thought the bride and and groom should pay for the dresses and suits if they wanted you to be apart of their wedding and choose what you should wear, then they should pay. I live in Australia and my husband was asked to be a groomsman but was told he had to buy a $450 suit that he would never wear again but paid for it because he didn't want to be a burden since all the other groomsmen paid happily. I think it's wrong to ask the wedding party to pay.

BarbariansMum · 05/08/2019 06:04

My bridesmaids chose, bought and paid for their own dresses - as one lived in NZ and the other in California it seemed the best way.

NoWayDidISayThat · 05/08/2019 06:24

I think it's cheap and grabby of the bride and groom to expect the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses if they have any say in the dresses at all even if it's just giving a colour.

If the bridesmaid can chose any dress they want then it's not quite so bad.

BarbariansMum · 05/08/2019 06:38

Not quite so bad? So you think that asking someone to be your bridesmaid means you must pay for their clothing as you are stopping them turning up naked as they'd obviously prefer @NoWayDidISayThat?

MaMaMaMySharona · 05/08/2019 07:03

Watching this thread with interest.

I’m a bridesmaid next year for a close friend who is not only choosing the dress (she wants us all dressed the same) but also wants us all to pay. I can afford it but am getting increasingly frustrated as it’s supposedly because she can’t afford to dress 5 people, but she goes out almost every evening and weekend, and goes on expensive holidays.

I don’t know whether to say anything because it will undoubtedly upset her but it’s just a piss take

flowery · 05/08/2019 07:13

”My bridesmaids chose, bought and paid for their own dresses - as one lived in NZ and the other in California it seemed the best way.”

Yes definitely the best way- making a bank transfer to reimburse people who happen to live in a different country is so difficult these days isn’t it? Oh wait...

BarbariansMum · 05/08/2019 07:24

But why would I pay for their clothing? I didn't specify what they wore any more than I did for any of my other wedding guests.They may not even have bought new clothing for the role.

Do you expect people to buy your clothes if you go to their wedding?

flowery · 05/08/2019 07:29

”But why would I pay for their clothing? I didn't specify what they wore any more than I did for any of my other wedding guests.They may not even have bought new clothing for the role.”

Well I think brides should pay for bridesmaids’ dresses, but although I can see the argument about choice, I was picking up on the fact that you seem to think the fact they live in different countries was a reason not to reimburse them.

”Do you expect people to buy your clothes if you go to their wedding?”

Depends if they want me to be bridesmaid or not- this conversation isn’t about regular guests.

EmeraldShamrock · 05/08/2019 10:24

Between the hens the tat and processco you chip in for, the wedding, the family outfit's, a gift.
I think it is very crude to expect a BM to pay for the dress, unless you are on a tight budget with understanding friends.
It is cheeky to have a big expensive wedding and expecting the BM to pay for their outfits.

JugsAndSoap · 05/08/2019 10:41

I was bridesmaid for a ~no longer~ "friend" and she told me it was my honour to be her bridesmaid before sending me the ebay link to buy myself the right dress, petticoat shoes, stockings and even vetoed the hair dye.
Really.
Neither the friendship not the marriage lasted very long.

Bloomburger · 05/08/2019 12:00

I'd be shocked to ask to pay anything towards a bridesmaids outfit whether I chose or the bride did.

Is it a new thing?Definitely in my day, 20 years + the people getting married (or their parents) covered the cost of everything.

Bwekfusth · 05/08/2019 12:21

My sil paid for bridesmaids dresses and we all bought ourselves cheap shoes in a matching colour. Had our hair done which we didn't pay for and did our own make up. Was fair.

Jade218 · 05/08/2019 21:29

YANBU

EbbandTheWanderingHearts · 05/08/2019 21:42

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, hair and make up. I asked them to wear their own shoes. They chose the dresses from a few options. It was my wedding. No reason for them to be out of pocket.

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