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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I supposed to buy my own bridesmaid dress?

122 replies

Channychanny · 04/08/2019 10:51

AIBU to think that the bride should purchase my dress or that I make a small contribution? I my knowledge of weddings is sheltered however when my cousin got married, she brought our dresses.
Not sure how much she would want me to spend etc I just thought she would purchase them as it’s her wedding? Help me out people?!

OP posts:

YouJustDoYou · 04/08/2019 11:34

My friend did this. Wanted the dresses tailormade, she chose the fabric, design etc. Then ( with us all there in front of the seamstress), asked the seasmstss "how much is that then?", seamstress said "£200 each", and my friend turned to us and said "ok? You can pay her in weekly amounts if you want". Never discussed it with us first. Wè were all a bit erm...what?!

Aebj · 04/08/2019 11:36

When I was a bridesmaid for my friend, I paid for the dress and to have my hair done and shoes.
She was my bridesmaid. I paid for her dress.
There were 8 years between our weddings

Lazypuppy · 04/08/2019 11:37

If she says you have to have a specific dress- she pays.

If she says you can buy whatever dress you want but it has to be a colour - you pay.

Jurassicmuma · 04/08/2019 11:39

I think brides should pay for something. I bought my girls dresses and shoes but asked them to pay for their own hair and makeup if they wanted it done. I had no say in this though I wanted them to be happy so said have your hair however you like. However I'm MOH for my best friend next year and shes asked me how I feel about buying my own and I'm cool with that, shes specified a colour but that's it. Not sure how the other girls feel yet though, and tbh shes my best friend, if it were, I dunno my sil I'd decline a being a BM if she wasn't paying

Sparklesocks · 04/08/2019 11:40

Agreed the bride should pay.

sue51 · 04/08/2019 11:41

The bride pays unless you choose your own dress.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 04/08/2019 11:41

I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and both times my dress was bought. I bought my bridesmaids dresses too. No reason why you should be out of pocket.

piratehooker · 04/08/2019 11:42

Completely in the 'if she dictates anything beyond colour/basic style, then she pays' camp. I.e., if the bride says she would want you to have a knee-length navy blue dress, then I think it's fair enough that you could pay, as you would hopefully be able to buy something in those loose terms from a high street shop in the sale that you would be happy to wear again.

But if she is specific about material, colour (e.g. it has to be only dusty-rose sunblush pink instead of a general light pink), length, sleeves, twiddly bits, shoes (I hate wearing shoes so will never buy them for a wedding... if the bride wants specifics, she will always buy, else it's like to be Asda ballet pumps for me!) etc., then she needs to pay, as it's unlikely to be each bridemaid's preferred style and therefore worn again.

StaplesCorner · 04/08/2019 11:45

My 2 small DDs were bridesmaids to close family - bride paid for dresses, I paid for shoes and hair, we split accessories. That seemed very reasonable to me. I could not have afforded dresses and shoes etc.

Jaxhog · 04/08/2019 11:45

It depends. If she just gives you a colour range, then you might have to pay. Unless it's a hideous colour you would never wear. If she starts dictating style etc, then she should expect to pay most if not all of the cost. Ditto with hair and shoes.

Although I'm not sure I'd want to be a bridesmaid for someone I couldn't even ask the question of!

SteelRiver · 04/08/2019 11:52

I must admit to being shocked at these American programmes where its clear that bridesmaids are expected to pay for their own dress, even when they get no say in the style or colour, the cost sometimes running to hundreds of dollars.

The attendants, ime, don't pay for anything.

ohtheholidays · 04/08/2019 11:55

I would never expect anyone that I asked to be heavily involved in my wedding to pay out of they're own pocket!

I've been married twice(the first time was a big mistake)and we paid for everything,for the bridesmaid dresses and shoes,for they're hair to be done,for they're flowers and we paid for all of the paige boys,ushers and best mans suits and shoes(huge 1st wedding)and for my second wedding(completely the right decision) we paid for the Matron of honor,my bridesmaid and flower girls dresses,shoes,hair to be done and flowers and for our best mans and my Dad's suits and shoes.

I think it's bizare to ask someone to be apart of your wedding and then expect them to pay for the privilage,surely you should spend what you can afford.

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 04/08/2019 11:56

I said to kind to just wear something they had that would look nice with the other two. My bridesmaids all have tonnes of dresses.
It never worked though as they couldn’t decide. I ended up buying inexpensive dresses for them from ASOS ( after trialling a million sizes and styles).

If she wants you in a “ proper” bridesmaid dress from a shop with fitting etc she needs to pay.
Otherwise get a nice dress or two online, show her how they look and send the others back.

Nautiloid · 04/08/2019 11:57

I think in some other countries like the US it's normal for bridesmaids to buy their own dresses. But in the UK it's normal for the people getting married to pay for them.

Whattheduck · 04/08/2019 11:57

My niece who is 21 is getting married in September she only got engaged in March so all rather rushed and she has asked my 14 year old dd to be flower girl personally I thought flower girls were tiny children but hey ho anyway we’ve got to buy everything all we’ve been told is it needs to be a short white dress.Its proving rather difficult to find one as dd is at that age where she wants something abit more grown up.My mil has found one online which she has ordered it’s just plain white with a full skirt.I begrudge paying lots for one as she’ll never wear it again.

ahhgowan · 04/08/2019 11:57

I didn't have bridesmaids because I couldn't afford to pay for dresses and felt like it would be too awkward to ask them to pay themselves.

Youvegotafriendinme · 04/08/2019 11:59

I was a bridesmaid for my DS last year and she paid for our dresses, hair, make up etc. She picked a colour dress she liked and said we could pick our own dresses. In the end we all went with the same. With the way she allowed us to pick our own I would have been happy to pay for it.

A few of years ago my DSIL, DMIL and DH’s aunt were bridesmaids for DH’s other aunt. The bride told them what dress to buy (£300 each!) what shoes and they had to either do or pay for their own hair and make up. My DH and DFIL were also part of the wedding party and again were told what suits and shoes to wear and they had to pay for them.

I think if the bride wants specific things worn she should pay for it. If she’s happy for the bridal party to pick then her asking for you to pay is ok.

EvaHarknessRose · 04/08/2019 12:00

If you are on a budget it might be wise to step down early before hen party costs etc

EmeraldShamrock · 04/08/2019 12:01

Yanbu. I have been a bridesmaid 3 times I never paid for the dress.
I would be shocked if I was expected too, between hens party, wedding gift, wedding expenses, it is a joke.
It shouldn't cost you money.
I bought my shoes for one of them.

Quaffy · 04/08/2019 12:04

I don’t even agree that you should pay for your own if she only suggests a colour. If you weren’t a bridesmaid, you could attend the wedding wearing whatever dress you wanted, including choosing to wear one you already own.

Is she spending a shit load on her own dress and fancy invitations and flowers? Or is she sticking to a very tight budget?

KUGA · 04/08/2019 12:05

The bride should pay .
other than that tell her to find another bridesmaid.

LolaSmiles · 04/08/2019 12:05

Bridesmaids don't pay for the dresses in my opinion.

It does seem to become more common for bridesmaids to pay when the bride has half a dozen or more in the wedding party. I'm not a fan though.

SospanFrangipan · 04/08/2019 12:06

I paid for everything for my bridesmaids, I wanted them as a special part of my day, so I wasn't going to let them pay for the privilege!
My friend on the other hand, stepped down from being a bridesmaid for another friend. The bride didn't mention at the time of being asked that she wouldn't be paying a penny towards anything for her EIGHT bridesmaids! My friend stepped down, and was not only immediately uninvited to the wedding, but also told to have a nice life! She was glad to have gotten out of that one! Talk about bridezilla!

Inferiorbeing · 04/08/2019 12:16

I think brides should pay, what is the point in asking someone to take part to wear exactly what you want and making them pay. My MOH is bridesmaid at a wedding a few weeks after mine and that bride is making them pay for everything, dress, shoes, hair and makeup but it's all ccompulsory!

EmeraldShamrock · 04/08/2019 12:18

AFAIK in America the guests pay for their meal too.
My Dbro and his wife went to a friends wedding in New York the BG paid for the rehearsal dinner, they were given an invoice for the wedding meal.
The Bride is American apparently it is tradition.
I would never except a bridesmaid request in the states.

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