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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry at my sister and go get her up?

92 replies

jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 08:20

SO my 14yo sister is staying with me, my partner and my son, for a bit in the 6 week holidays because she lives about 100 miles from us. For days now she has stayed up late then refused to get up, not at an unreasonable time. Ive been trying to wake her around 10am but her not getting up til 12 or 1pm. Last night i went to bed around 8pm because of a migraine and woke up to her sitting in the living room painting at 4.30am, she immediately went to bed without me saying anything. I get up this morning with our boy and realise theres watercolour all over the sofa which wont come off.
AIBU to be annoyed by her attitude recently and go get her up to try clean it? Surely shes old enough to deal with the consequences of not going to bed at a reasonable time.

OP posts:
WhyBirdStop · 04/08/2019 08:28

I don't know many14 year olds who would be up before 8am unless they had something specific to do/somewhere to go, most are night owls. YANBU to address the paint issue and make her clean it.

araiwa · 04/08/2019 08:30

Why wake her up?

HappyintheHills · 04/08/2019 08:32

I think the sister had been up all night, that’s how she was up so early.
OP - of course she’s old enough to clean up. But she now needs to sleep, getting her up now won’t help.

LIZS · 04/08/2019 08:32

Watercolour should come off with washing up liquid. She is 14, still a child and young enough to respect a reasonable bedtime. Agree a quiet time with her during which neither should disturb the other, say 10-7 , otherwise let your dc play loudly until she wakes. Maybe she finds it hard to do activities such as paint with your dc around though, could she do it in her room?

flumpybear · 04/08/2019 08:33

Talk to her, like adults. Tell her rules and boundaries but remember she's 14 so growing up and pushing boundaries but also wanting some independence to learn how to be a person in her own right not just told what to do and comply - talk to her, like and adult though

HeffaLump1 · 04/08/2019 08:34

Yanbu to wake her up to clean up her mess, I would after 10.30/11

steff13 · 04/08/2019 08:34

Not everyone prefers an early sleep schedule. I personally do best with a 2am-10am schedule.

NeatFreakMama · 04/08/2019 08:36

Why wake her up?

Pinkyyy · 04/08/2019 08:37

Tell her it has to stop or she goes home. And get her to clean the paint off.

JonSlow · 04/08/2019 08:38

Why? To bully and show your dominance over your younger sibling?

Pekkanekka · 04/08/2019 08:38

I have teens and ask that they are in bed by 11 (without their phones). Personally, I couldn't sleep well, not knowing they are in bed. What are her bedtime rules at home?

modelguy · 04/08/2019 08:40

This reply has been deleted

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Hoppinggreen · 04/08/2019 08:47

Obviously she needs to clear up after herself but why does she need to get up?

BykerBykerOoh · 04/08/2019 08:47

How refreshing that she’s up painting instead of social media. I’d ask her to clean it when she wakes up but otherwise leave her to it. It sounds like you’re getting on each other’s nerves.

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 08:49

I totally get that everyone has a different sleep routine, its just the total lack of respect for anything i own. Its not to have dominance or bully as one poster said. Its our first proper home as a family, with our own things in and she knows how proud of it i am and how hard we have worked for this.
@Pekkanekka I usually wait up but i had a horednous migraine and had to lie down. OH was on a night shift so wasnt home. She doesnt really have bedtime rules at home i dont think, i think my dad dopes the same thing. If shes tired, she has to learn from it and deal with it for the day.

@LIZSi She doesnt have her own room here as we only have a 2 bed flat but she spends a lot of time either sat in our room doing her own thing or just watching telly.

Just looking for others opinions as im on 25 with a 9 month old so havent had to deal with teenagers really and dont want to get the parents involved unless its super necessary. Thanks for all the replies so far! :)

OP posts:
FlamingoQueen · 04/08/2019 08:58

My ds is 15 and a typical teenager in the holidays. He is up at 1am sometimes, but if we don’t have anywhere to be then I let him lie in. If however, I found he had made a mess with paint in the lounge I would get him up to clean up.
I would speak to her about respecting your home and family. My Ds will get up in the morning if we have somewhere to go - could you arrange an outing (walk to the park, doesn’t have to cost)?
In the next few years it would be lovely for her if your house was her ‘go to place’ in the holidays. She may not realise it yet, but she will in time.
Don’t stand for any nonsense! Good luck.

AJPTaylor · 04/08/2019 09:02

Well. You are 25. It wasn't a million years ago you were 14.What hours did your keep? How did your parents enforce it?

LenoVintura · 04/08/2019 09:03

She doesn't know how proud you are of your home and how hard you've worked to get it. She's been told maybe, but she doesn't, and can't, know because she's 14 and has no frame of reference for understanding it.
It sounds like she's just hanging about in your flat with nothing to do and no local friends which isn't much fun for anyone really. Send her home.

HennyPennyHorror · 04/08/2019 09:05

You could go AND get her up.

"Go get her up" is just irritating. I keep seeing it on here and other versions of it too! NO!

Saracen · 04/08/2019 09:05

Last night i went to bed around 8pm because of a migraine and woke up to her sitting in the living room painting at 4.30am, she immediately went to bed without me saying anything.

So she was painting quietly, not bothering anyone, and when you woke she was sensitive to the possibility that she might be disturbing you and she went to bed. That sounds like perfect guest behaviour to me.

If her sleep schedule is inconveniencing you in some way then discuss that and look for a solution. You haven't mentioned it causing any problems.

The paint on the sofa is the only thing she seems to have done wrong. Yes, get her to try to clean it off and tell her to be more careful in future, but there's no need to drag her out of bed to do it.

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2019 09:09

Not sure why she was painting in the living room...

As a teen I stayed in bed as long as I could. However, staying with someone else I think 10am is the latest she should on weekdays or earlier if you have plans.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/08/2019 09:09

She’s 14. She made a mistake. I’d be pissed off. However I expect it will be possible to get the paint off. Teens often have strange sleep schedules. If you wanted your sister to come and help out / fit in with the family, I think you should have made this clear from the offset. At 14 she probably has no idea. Especially as your dad doesn’t get her to go to bed at a certain time.

AssignedFuckerAtBirth · 04/08/2019 09:10

Well my 16 year old keeps almost opposite hours from the rest of the family for most of the summer....and has done since she was about 14.
Unless she has somewhere specific to be on a certain day I just let her be. She is a teenager and there wont be many years that she can do this. She will get up at some point to eat so I would mention the cleaning and other rules to her then.

TeddybearBaby · 04/08/2019 09:11

Doesn’t sound like she has any space of her own. Where does she sleep and why is she staying with you? Is it just so you can have some bonding time as sisters? I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on here......

StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/08/2019 09:12

If she doesn’t have her own room, where is she sleeping? Sharing with your baby? Sleeping on the sofa?

If her not getting up means you can’t use the lounge or have to tiptoe around her to feed the baby, then yes, wake her up. Otherwise if she’s not disturbing you, leave her.

Also, is your baby sleeping through? Is it likely that she’s simply not used to being disturbed by crying in the night and is getting sleep when she can?