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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry at my sister and go get her up?

92 replies

jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 08:20

SO my 14yo sister is staying with me, my partner and my son, for a bit in the 6 week holidays because she lives about 100 miles from us. For days now she has stayed up late then refused to get up, not at an unreasonable time. Ive been trying to wake her around 10am but her not getting up til 12 or 1pm. Last night i went to bed around 8pm because of a migraine and woke up to her sitting in the living room painting at 4.30am, she immediately went to bed without me saying anything. I get up this morning with our boy and realise theres watercolour all over the sofa which wont come off.
AIBU to be annoyed by her attitude recently and go get her up to try clean it? Surely shes old enough to deal with the consequences of not going to bed at a reasonable time.

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 04/08/2019 09:13

Eye. You sound weird. Like a controlling dictator

Btw watercolour will come off...with water!

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:14

@HennyPennyHorror Apologies. Yorkshire girl here!

@Saracen Its not that its inconveniencing us, I just want to spend time with her since i dont see much of her and neither does my son. Ive told her all this and it doesnt seem to make a difference.

I think the damage is done with the sofa because its dried onto cream leather so i wont bother getting her up. Im not angry about that anymore, and wont be holding any grudge of any kind. I just want her to know that because she lives so far away, i dont see her all the time and that id like to actually spend time with her rather than waiting for her to get up.

I dont really know what im moaning at anymore. I guess IABU.

OP posts:
StillCoughingandLaughing · 04/08/2019 09:14

You could go AND get her up."Go get her up" is just irritating. I keep seeing it on here and other versions of it too! NO!

Shouldn’t it be ‘Go TO get her up’?

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:16

@StillCoughingandLaughing It sounds strange but shes on a bed in our huge hallway. Its like her own room but its the best we can do. Our lo sleep from around 7pm until 6am so shes not being disturbed i dont think.

OP posts:
NoLeopard · 04/08/2019 09:16

That poor girl. Why hasn't she got the 2nd bedroom? Your son should be in with you then you can leave her to it. I bet she can't believe what a boring summer she's having to put up with.

Nanny0gg · 04/08/2019 09:17

Pedants' Corner is that way >>>>>>>

ChildminderMum · 04/08/2019 09:17

I'd wake her up to clean up the mess! She can go back to bed after if she wants.

I'd then at another time have a conversation about staying up til 4am not being great and she should aim to be in bed by 12 or whatever. But I wouldn't insist on her getting up unless you have somewhere to be.

ChildminderMum · 04/08/2019 09:19

Baby should be in with you and sister should have the 2nd bedroom btw.

Troels · 04/08/2019 09:20

My Dd is 14 she's off schedule as it's summer, but still has to be quiet past 9 (little kids next door sharing her bedroom wall) and seems to be asleep before midnight. I wake her each day at 10 and sometimes she's already up. She managed to get acrylic paints on the couch. Dh cleaned it off and I asked her to be more careful as it'll ruin the fabric, so far she's behaving. Getting stroppy ocassionally.
Cut her some slck, wake her daily by 10 (I send the cat in who jumps all over her) and get some sort of routine going that include going out.

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:21

@TeddybearBaby She has got her own space and we do what we can with what we have. Shes here to spend time with us and have some time away from home and parents. I dont want to be controlling and tell her what to do as im her sister not her mum or dad. Its just hard to know how to handle these situations because shes super sensitive. I guess im was just upset that shes spend all night on her own painting and being a bit careless, now she will sleep til 3pm and barely see her.

OP posts:
JayDot500 · 04/08/2019 09:21

When any teen stays at my house during the holidays, I know they'll be up until stupid o clock, and won't rise until even later. I don't see why she has to be up if you have no plans the next day. I was just like this, I could read until the very early hours and sleep some days away.

Just last week my 15 year old nephew stayed with us and slept late and woke late. But he still interacted with us and was very kind to my 3 year old DS, so there was no disrespect. If your sister has made a mess, next time pull her up then and there about it and let her clean it before it becomes an issue.

Violashift · 04/08/2019 09:22

Have you planned any days out? Things to do.

For example say tomorrow we will leave about 11 we will go to the park for a picnic to a cafe for breakfast etc.
If you have no suggestions and it's another lazy day I would not think about going to bed either.

Myself and partner are off for six weeks somedays we will also lie in until 12.

FrancisCrawford · 04/08/2019 09:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:26

@Violashift I did have things planned which i ended up doing just me and my son because she wouldnt get up. I had loads planned. Days at the beach, going to gaming festival and loads of stuff that she would enjoy. When she finally gets up, shes in a mood because shes missed the day out.

OP posts:
Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:27

@FrancisCrawford
I shall give that a go! Thank you!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 04/08/2019 09:27

I would hazard a guess that she doesn't feel comfortable sleeping in a room with you and your partner, I think a fourteen year old girl would find that very uncomfortable. It is inappropriate, move the baby and give her some private space.

TeddybearBaby · 04/08/2019 09:27

I’m not surprised you’re disappointed! I would speak to her and just tell her exactly what you’ve said here.... that you really value spending time with her and don’t want this time to pass by and you haven’t done anything together. Tell her you want her in bed at a reasonable time (by 12 or something maybe) because sleep is good for your health and you’re responsible for her atm.

I’m not sure about the hall setup up. I think a 14 year old girl might feel a bit exposed / vulnerable. I reckon they more than anyone need their own space so if there’s anyway of changing that I would.

Also ask her about her life and how she is and what she’s hoping for from her visit and hopefully you can work it all out together 💐

Violashift · 04/08/2019 09:32

It makes sense why you are a bit upset.

You do need to have a word with her tell her that you wanted to spend time with her and you are a bit disappointed.

ohcanada · 04/08/2019 09:33

Are you being clear enough about plans?

E.g. "tomorrow we are going to the beach, we are leaving at 10am so make sure you set an alarm, I'll be around for breakfast from around 9am if you want it" then if she doesn't get up, wake her 10 mins before you need to leave and give her the option to get up now or not come

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:33

We tried moving baby for a weeks she here but it really unsettled him, my sister was the one who told me to put it back to normal and i gave her a few options of where to sleep and she chose. Shes stayed here loads of times in the past and knows what to expect. Ill definitely talk to her when shes up. I guess im more upset and disappointed and this morning i was getting all that out via the paint stains which was wrong of me. Thank you for the advice!

OP posts:
LIZS · 04/08/2019 09:36

If she is in the hall how does she sleep through, do you not have to keep passing through? Maybe she'd prefer some privacy. What was the purpose in her visiting?

Original poster
jessley199327 · 04/08/2019 09:39

@LIZS Shes a ridiculously deep sleeper. The house could be falling down and she'd sleep through it haha. She was also given various options of where to sleep and is here to spend time with us because we don't see much of her due to school, work, baby and other commitments.

OP posts:
CruellaFeinberg · 04/08/2019 09:41

Why wake her up?
because she has made a mess and she might be a teenager and family , but she is still a guest

That poor girl. Why hasn't she got the 2nd bedroom?
are you kidding???? she is a guest for the holidays - she doesn't live there, shes there because she wants to be

I have 2 teenager, and they are up at 9 at the latest in the holidays otherwise they are out of sync with the rest of the family, and don't sleep properly in the evenings (find it difficult to drop off) and then risk being up all night and asleep all day...

SkydivingKittyCat · 04/08/2019 09:53

She's painting, not doing lines of coke.

The watercolour will come off, it's water soluble. Yes she should clean it up when she gets up, but what will waking her early achieve beyond a tired and moody teenager?

Unless her late sleeping is ruining your plans (in which case have a chat to her about having an earlier night if you have something planned the next day) otherwise leave her to it - a lot of teens at that sort age have a non standard time sleep regime. It's the holidays, unclench a little.

MsTSwift · 04/08/2019 09:56

Quite optimistic proceeding on the basis that a 14 year old niece will want to spend quality time with you op Grin. Have you had much to do with young teens?!

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