Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photo straight after giving birth?!

82 replies

Beebeezed · 03/08/2019 21:35

So, I’ve just had a baby. 😊😊

Anyway, just after having said baby in hospital I had visits from my parents and DP parents. I’d given birth (after a 48 hour labour) 40 mins prior to this. Anyway, I was happy to see them. Their visit was lovely, honestly they were so happy and it was such a nice moment for all of us.

They started taking pictures of baby, of course. And DP holding baby. PIL then insisted on pictures of me. I was reluctant but still smiled for the camera and they took a photo of me holding my baby.

Anyway, I look bloody awful in the photo. Not just bad, but really really bad. Bare in mind I still had a catheter in which is in full shot of the picture!! 😩 If I was in my right mind I’d have 100% refused a picture but tiredness and drugs made me a bit more easy going.

Anyway.... this photo has since been shared with ALL of DP’s family. Including relatives I’ve never met. AIBU to feel a bit annoyed that a photo was taken, during a really vulnerable (and ugly 😂) time and now being shared around?! I wanted the first picture of baby and me to be under my control in a way. Or am I being too sensitive....

OP posts:
kitk · 03/08/2019 21:38

Congratulations! You're not being sensitive- you've just had a baby, but honestly I look awful in all pics of me with DD, but I love those pics regardless as without them it'd just be pics of everyone else and tbh, having just given birth you are the hero of this piece! Enjoy your baba x

NoSauce · 03/08/2019 21:40

They were insensitive to take your photo and should have thought about what they were doing.

Did you ask them not to share it?

Congratulations on your baby OP, try and enjoy this time rather than being on MN GrinFlowers

Wearenotyourkind · 03/08/2019 21:40

Congratulations! No I don't think yabu!

cheesydoesit · 03/08/2019 21:40

Similar happened to me. Luckily they didn't get my catheter in shot though! I was miffed at first when I found a copy on an extended in laws mantelpiece but looking back it's quite sweet and I'm glad a photo was taken as I shied away from the camera a lot after giving birth. It doesn't mean you have to be ok with it though.

PooWillyBumBum · 03/08/2019 21:40

They should have asked but I suspect (and hope) when the embarrassment has worn off you’ll treasure that photo. No one thought to take a snap of me when I had DD and 11 years later I’m still a bit upset about it. No one expects you to look like a glamour model, they’ll be looking at baby.

Congratulations on your baby!

Russell19 · 03/08/2019 21:43

Nobody will be thinking you look bad, they'll be thinking what an amazing job you just did. I had a 40+ hour labour too and it was damn hard! Be proud of that and treasure the precious photo showing what a strong woman you are. Grin

Ukelou · 03/08/2019 21:44

Some of my favourite pictures are me immediately after giving birth. Why does it matter what you like in this photo if you don't usually look like that iyswim.

DryHeave · 03/08/2019 21:46

YANBU. DH & I agreed a social media policy* between us in advance.

*we used this term in jest.

sparkli · 03/08/2019 21:47

Congratulations! I totally understand how you feel. My eldest was born at 32 weeks and the 1st pic I have with her is sitting holding her hand through an incubator. I look like shit, and wouldn't have shared the photo with anyone at the time. She turned 20 this week and it was the pic I chose to share on FB and our family WhatsApp group. Honestly, you won't care in years to come. You will just appreciate being in a photo with your baby!

Cokezeroisyummy · 03/08/2019 21:49

Could be worse, my inlaws took photos of all and sundry with my new baby but none of me and baby!

1CantPickAName · 03/08/2019 21:51

I still look awful (my kids are 12 & 7)

TokyoSushi · 03/08/2019 21:51

I too am the proud owner of one of these photos, also taken by PIL!

I had a 30 hour labour, about 20 bags of fluid as I had an awful reaction to diamorphene which made me vomit almost continually for the 30 hours and then tore so badly I was stitched from front to back.

It is indeed a very special photo, I look about 26 stone due to all the fluid, my skin is literally green and I look quite frankly like I should be dead #soblessed

DS is 8 now and I can look back on the photo and laugh, hopefully you will be able to one day as well.

Fortunately PILS are far too decrepit for social media!

BackforGood · 03/08/2019 21:55

I'm on the side of those who say you'll appreciate that photo later.
Perfectly normal to look like you've been through the mill when giving birth - you have!

Putyourdamnshoeson · 03/08/2019 21:56

Taking the pic, no problem. I look like death in mine, but bloody love them10 years on (because I look worse now! 😂) but they shouldn't have shared those ones.

InThisMultiverse · 03/08/2019 21:56

Yes, they were somewhat unreasonable for not seeking your permission; however, I imagine that everyone who sees the picture thinks you look lovely.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 03/08/2019 21:57

I think it's the worst part of having a baby. My photo with ds2 is probably the most unflattering photo ever. I look absolutely minging and the size of a house in a hideous, purple Matalan nightie. My hair is greasy and the photo reminds me I also had nits at the time (thanks ds1) and didn't realise.

Sandybval · 03/08/2019 21:58

I agree that you'll appreciate the photo later, but it's unreasonable of them to share it everywhere if you didn't want them to. I doubt they have done it maliciously (although perhaps thoughtlessly...), they won't see the flaws and will likely just see it as a beautiful photo.

Millie2017 · 03/08/2019 21:58

I had an awful labour with my first child. I had a photo taken holding her while I was waiting for surgery. I hate that photo with a vengeance. It will never be shared. I will keep it for DD but it will go no further. My face is contorted in fear and pain.
I said no photos second time round. When we were ready to be discharged I took a snap of me snuggled up to DS. It was peaceful and contented.
YANBU but I fear there’s little you can do about it now 💐

Cornishmum00 · 03/08/2019 22:00

Its ok to take a photo of you and the baby, its not ok to share it without asking. They should have shared one of just baby or dp. Congratulations on your baby

LagunaBubbles · 03/08/2019 22:00

My photo like that was taken by her Mum. She was so proud it was a Polaroid (son is now 26!), feels like yesterday she flashed it off to anyone who would look. I look crap. And I don't mind, I had just given birth. Still makes me smile.

museumum · 03/08/2019 22:04

I’m sure the photo is lovely. It’s a beautiful moment regardless of what you think of your appearance.

[this is assuming you mean catheter in your hand is on show and not one in your bladder]

EdtheBear · 03/08/2019 22:06

Nobody looks good in photos just after giving birth. However I love my photos of me and my tiny minutes old newborns.

That said they have always been 100% under my control. DC1 DH took them on my camera, DC2 Birth was a bit quicker than expected so MW took them on my phone in the eye of the storm before DH arrived and my bleeding was apparent.

I'd have been pretty miffed if any of them had been shared via social media.

shieldmaidenofrohan · 03/08/2019 22:09

I absolutely love the picture we have of me with newborn DD - however I had only had a 7hr, very easy labour, had a full face of makeup (don't ask) and most importantly had complete control over where that image was viewed.
Yanbu to be upset, OP. Yes you might grow to love that picture for the memories it invokes but that doesn't help much now.
On the plus side, nobody looks at the picture of a new mother and thinks "she looks like crap" or if they do they aren't the sort of person whose opinion is important. Enjoy your new baby 😀

Rarfy · 03/08/2019 22:14

Oh god i look horrendous in my first pic with dd. Big bloated ugly face. Hair a mess. Hospital gown on. But the smile on my face is worth the shit picture. It says I've been through the mill but look what I've got! I'm glad we have it but yeah would be a bit annoyed it being shown all over the shop.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 03/08/2019 22:18

It’s a first- no first photo birth mum is Happy with the pic.

5/7/15 years from now you will be all “awww, a first photo” along with Look DC, your birth was so awful I had a catheter...”

Focus on this
they were so happy and it was such a nice moment for all of us.
Rather than focusing on post birth -but I didn’t look like [staged post birthed pics of XXX celeb]

DC is 15. I cringe at how awful I look in our first shot together BUT I am so grateful there is a pic of us. After 3 days labour resulting in an assisted delivery I look fat, bloated, knackered and I have glasses on, no make up, hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed/washed in a week, even my hand holding DC looks fat and bloated- but I was the happiest mum alive that I had a baby. No one bar family will ever see that pic which I am very grateful for!

You have bigger worries ahead being a parent so don’t stress about a few photos. Congratulations.