Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photo straight after giving birth?!

82 replies

Beebeezed · 03/08/2019 21:35

So, I’ve just had a baby. 😊😊

Anyway, just after having said baby in hospital I had visits from my parents and DP parents. I’d given birth (after a 48 hour labour) 40 mins prior to this. Anyway, I was happy to see them. Their visit was lovely, honestly they were so happy and it was such a nice moment for all of us.

They started taking pictures of baby, of course. And DP holding baby. PIL then insisted on pictures of me. I was reluctant but still smiled for the camera and they took a photo of me holding my baby.

Anyway, I look bloody awful in the photo. Not just bad, but really really bad. Bare in mind I still had a catheter in which is in full shot of the picture!! 😩 If I was in my right mind I’d have 100% refused a picture but tiredness and drugs made me a bit more easy going.

Anyway.... this photo has since been shared with ALL of DP’s family. Including relatives I’ve never met. AIBU to feel a bit annoyed that a photo was taken, during a really vulnerable (and ugly 😂) time and now being shared around?! I wanted the first picture of baby and me to be under my control in a way. Or am I being too sensitive....

OP posts:
Wincher · 03/08/2019 23:51

I had a home water birth with DS2 and almost the first thing I did when he was out was ash DH to take some photos! I was obviously topless so have not shared them with anyone else but to me they are precious photos and we have one framed in our bedroom. It's such an amazing moment to capture. I think you will be glad in years to come.

PhillipeFellope · 04/08/2019 08:09

Yanbu. I look like Hagrid in the couple of post birth pictures I have. I'd never want to share them with anyone. They are precious but not for public consumption.

Noisysparrows · 04/08/2019 08:21

YANBU. My DH shared a photo of me after I'd just had an unexpected emergency GA section. I was only just awake, totally disoriented and holding a baby with no clue how it was out rather than in. I looked like I'd just been through twelve rounds with Tyson and come off badly. He did take it down once I realised he'd shared it and bollocked him but couldn't understand why I wouldn't want it shared with the world! (I still hate it, just reminds me of a very traumatic experience).

GreenwoodLane · 04/08/2019 08:36

My dad did this to me when they first visited after ds2s birth. He was some 15 hours old and I was in a lot of pain from cs and it really showed in my face. Was told not to take it but he did anyway. Fortunately my lovely mil had stern words and made him delete it. I woz not pleased.

CookPassBabtridge · 04/08/2019 09:39

I would hate this. My post birth pictures are horrific as I've just woken up from general anaesthetic each time, my hair is like a birds nest, my face is all bloated and spotty, wound drain and catheter attached, covered in blood pressure monitors etc. I don't look like me at all.

Original poster
Beebeezed · 04/08/2019 20:46

Thank you all so much. You’ve made me realise I should appreciate the photos, just not the fact they were shared without my consent. Hopefully in years to come I like the photo (although I really really doubt it😂)

To the poster that told me to spend time with my baby, I am 😊 Thanks for the concern though.

OP posts:
EmrysAtticus · 04/08/2019 20:48

They really should have checked with you before sharing them! DH did take a picture of me having skin to skin with DS moments after giving birth but only he and I have ever seen it. I absolutely love it but it is for our eyes only. All other pictures of me are hours later when I had had a shower and was in my dressing gown and just looking a little tired.

Lelly0503 · 04/08/2019 20:50

Yep this was also me except replace catheter with umbilical cord still attached (both to me and baby) in the water birth, very obvious as to where the cord is going, plus random bits (probably poo) floating in the water..DH sent this to SIL who luckily noticed and said you might want to crop that photo a bit before you send it to anyone else!!! We laugh now because he was just so excited he didn’t see.

Buddytheelf85 · 04/08/2019 20:53

YANBU. Although I feel I can go one better. My DH whatsapped the pictures to my parents, who put them on Facebook to announce the arrival of their grandson. Without asking. I was so upset.

VoyageInTheDark · 04/08/2019 21:01

There's a terrible photo of me with DD post birth, I have such a creepy out of it smile on my face, and the ILs have it on their wall 🙈

TitusAndromedom · 04/08/2019 21:15

I would be annoyed if everyone was seeing it, but I’m sure they’re only looking at it with admiration.

I delivered my little girl on the bathroom floor in an unplanned home birth. She was caught by my husband and it was about five minutes before the paramedics arrived. We talked about whether or not we should take photos, but I said I didn’t want him to. The baby and I were absolutely fine, but I worried that I looked fat. It’s one of my greatest regrets: we had this incredible experience, and I allowed my self-consciousness to get in the way of recording one of the most amazing moments of my life. Treasure those photos.

spaniorita · 04/08/2019 21:19

The same happened to me - in-laws turned up and were excitedly snapping away. A couple weeks later when showing us the photos FIL cheerily added "Don't worry Span, we haven't shared these since you weren't looking your best!" - no shit Sherlock, id been delivered of a 10lb child and the biggest placenta my surgeon had ever seen about an hour before those pics were taken, after being nil by mouth for 48 hours, and zero sleep in 48 hours. Not looking my best indeed.

CheesecakeAddict · 05/08/2019 21:46

YANBU
My dad sent a picture of me around. I was so tired I fell asleep within seconds of them handing me my baby. I had a boob hanging out and I was half asleep when my family took pictures and put them on Facebook... A bloody boob for the world to see

Longqueue · 05/08/2019 21:49

You’re a saint for letting that many people in so soon after giving birth. Congratulations!!

CmdrCressidaDuck · 05/08/2019 21:53

They shouldn't really have shared it all over, but 1) it's done now 2) they were coming from a place of love and excitement 3) nobody's thinking you look terrible, they're thinking that you're a warrior-heroine 4) that photo will be really precious one day.

Next time you give birth you can brief them in advance, but for now there's nothing to be done but let it roll off.

24hourhomeedderandcarer · 05/08/2019 22:01

ive pictures of me holding both of mine minutes after having them

no 2 im still getting stitched up and everything put back up(he was that big everything come out after him,he was 9lb10 and 26 inches)

first one took 4 days of labour(18 days over already)2nd 16 hours labour(8 days over)

im a different situation than most though as i was told i was infertile at 17 as i have severe PCOS(never had a period and im 38)so neither of them shouldn't have technically been conceived,so when i did have them both families were so excited

also no 2 took 5 years of fertility tablets before i caught(no periods on them either)

son 1 i was i off my head as after 4 days i had so many drugs,3 epidurals and lots of gas and air

RosiesTeaStall · 05/08/2019 22:02

YANBU and YABU - both Grin

Photos were taken shortly after I'd had my DCs. One of those photos - short labour, happy young first time Mum, content baby - is a gorgeous photo of me and DC.

The other newborn DCs? I truly look like a bloated, bloody, exhausted harridan, with anger issues.
Despite the ferocity of the ageing process I hope to never again look as shit as I do in those pictures.

However, the one constant is that I am looking at my brand new DC with complete, uncensored love and they know it.
They are adults now and they couldn't give a farmer's shite how terrible I look, the point for them is that they can see that I really did fall in love with them from that very first moment.
For that reason alone, one day you will be glad you've got that photo. Even with the catheter Grin

TinyMystery · 05/08/2019 22:10

I swear to god the most attractive photo ever taken of me is immediately after DS was born and they were stitching me back up (emergency c section) and I was off my tits on morphine after days of no sleep. I genuinely look radiant and I have no idea how 😂

YABU to not want photos taken of special moments but YANBU to not want them shared with the world and his wife.

moominmammy · 05/08/2019 22:25

My hospital pics with both mine are horrific and I look awful. However. These are literally the first moments with my babies. I love those ugly pictures. I have beautiful pics of the grandparents and my husband when the babies came home. No one thought to take one with me in. So without those sweaty, bad haired, exhausted mess who just pushed out a human being pics, there wouldn't be anything with my brand new delicious little babies and me.

HateIsNotGood · 05/08/2019 22:39

YANBU - the only birth photos I have of me with DS are just as I was coming out of GA and I look totally shit (and where the feck am I). There's quite a few of other people with DS which is really great and I love them.

But these were in the days before photos were shared on SM so YANBU.

FenellaMaxwell · 05/08/2019 22:47

I love mine. I look awful but I am meeting a human being that I ACTUALLY MADE. It’s incredible and I will always treasure it.

EugenesAxe · 05/08/2019 22:48

YANBU - they should ask permission.

However you probably look lots better than you think. Most women look shredded after giving birth but there’s a kind of natural beauty and relief that still radiates; I bet all your relatives are seeing that and the joy of your new baby, not splitting hairs about your appearance.

1300cakes · 06/08/2019 00:50

Yes, they should have asked permission or left it for you to share. That was inconsiderate. But I agree that you may like the photo later.

Not quite the same but when I had my dc via cs, the nurse took my phone to take photos and asked if I wanted one of the baby actually coming out Shock. I said no!! She happily complied. But a few years later part of me would like to see that photo.

Siameasy · 06/08/2019 00:54

Yanbu but in time you won’t care and will love the memories

I liked my pictures because I was FAT and therefore looked younger in the face!!!!

Userzzzzz · 06/08/2019 06:08

No-one looks good. I look like shite in all of mine. But, with the benefit of time I actually quite like looking at them and my husband has some vile ones of me in the water, complete with blood, poo etc. I wouldn’t have liked any of them being shared around though!