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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Photo straight after giving birth?!

82 replies

Beebeezed · 03/08/2019 21:35

So, I’ve just had a baby. 😊😊

Anyway, just after having said baby in hospital I had visits from my parents and DP parents. I’d given birth (after a 48 hour labour) 40 mins prior to this. Anyway, I was happy to see them. Their visit was lovely, honestly they were so happy and it was such a nice moment for all of us.

They started taking pictures of baby, of course. And DP holding baby. PIL then insisted on pictures of me. I was reluctant but still smiled for the camera and they took a photo of me holding my baby.

Anyway, I look bloody awful in the photo. Not just bad, but really really bad. Bare in mind I still had a catheter in which is in full shot of the picture!! 😩 If I was in my right mind I’d have 100% refused a picture but tiredness and drugs made me a bit more easy going.

Anyway.... this photo has since been shared with ALL of DP’s family. Including relatives I’ve never met. AIBU to feel a bit annoyed that a photo was taken, during a really vulnerable (and ugly 😂) time and now being shared around?! I wanted the first picture of baby and me to be under my control in a way. Or am I being too sensitive....

OP posts:

megletthesecond · 03/08/2019 22:26

Yanbu.
I felt like a zoo animal in the post natal ward. In pain and being photographed. Horrible memories.

BitOfAKerfuffle · 03/08/2019 22:30

I think it's nice to have a photo of you with baby after you have given birth. I have one straight after my first was born but it's a few days later before I have a photo of me with second baby as I was really unwell afterwards and getting a photo was last thing on my mind but I really wish someone had taken one of us even though I was a complete state. I was a mess in the first photos with baby 1 as well even though I was perfectly healthy.
But they should not have been sharing it without your permission and I would be raging about it....it's such a personal intimate photo to have that i wouldn't want to be sharing it with all and sundry !

CorBlimeyGovenor · 03/08/2019 22:33

@1CantPickAName

Am laughing so much! Same here!!

TSSDNCOP · 03/08/2019 22:34

There is an exact same photo of me. I look like shit that could take on the world and win before breakfast.

Starlive23 · 03/08/2019 22:35

This exact thing happened to me, except it was Facebook. Once I regained my faculties I was mortified and really angry. They did probably get caught up in all the excitement so if they are usually nice people I'd let it slip this time and just mention that you wouldn't mind seeing pictures before they are shared.

Also, congrats!!!

JeanieJardine55 · 03/08/2019 22:37

YANBU but, this happened to me and I couldn’t believe how rough I looked in my first photo with ds1 (24). Especially as I felt quite euphoric at the time. Strangely I quite like the photo now and l rather regret that I don’t have a similar photo of me with ds2 or 3.

TSSDNCOP · 03/08/2019 22:38

Sorry posted too soon. It’s a photo that I love. I could not look worse, or happier. I was never happier than that moment.

Genevieva · 03/08/2019 22:39

Congratulations! I wish NCT classes would talk about this stuff. I had similar and it would have made such a difference. We spent hours discussing birth plans which, for most people, went out of the window when the reality of labour arrived. However, the immediate postpartum period was not covered at all. I wished that they had pointed out that, even labours that go well are completely exhausting for Mum and baby. The last things either of them need is visitors. The baby will still be there tomorrow, and the next day, and forever after. Better to give Mum and baby time to rest. Also, my skin was shocking after labour. I was not a spotty teenager, but all those hormones made me spotty and blotchy, which combined with bags under my eyes from no sleep for the previous 2 nights, meant that I looked worse than I ever have in my whole life.

EdWinchester · 03/08/2019 22:44

I love the photos of me post partum but thank god the last time I had a baby was 17 years ago and before social media.

LunaTheCat · 03/08/2019 22:44

I have never been lucky enough to have given birth but my job means that I have been with plenty of woman at the moment they have and I think a woman who has just had a baby looks amazing! You have grown a human and having a baby, whichever way, is hard and there is a power and love about that that is glorious!

VenusTiger · 03/08/2019 22:44

@Beebeezed you’ll look at the photos of you (48 hrs! You hero) and your baby in many years to come (when the labour memories have worn off) and you’ll be filled with happiness and tears. I wished I had some of me when my DS was born.... I had 3 midwives, 2 surgeons and a paediatrician in the room with me and DH (my son was born naturally frank breech) and they were all watching, but I didn’t get s look in (literally).
You’ll be grateful for the photos honest. Better than leaving you out entirely.

User55234 · 03/08/2019 22:46

Vulgar.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 03/08/2019 22:49

Just tell them please do not share photos of us without checking in future.

Nothingcomesforfree · 03/08/2019 22:51

I wish I’d had the first moments, shit or not. They are the reality of all the grittiness If birth and the bloody miracle that is a new baby .I have some “ nice” ones the day after buys it’s not the same.

Daffodil2018 · 03/08/2019 22:51

YANBU! That's not cool. Perhaps you can ask for it not to be circulated more widely. At least it'll be a sympathetic audience! Everyone will be busy cooing over the baby and no one will judge/notice you.

Flower777 · 03/08/2019 22:51

I think it’s nice they included you but I totally understand that you didn’t want it to be shared round the wider family.

I have some awful photos from when I just had ds. I was shell shocked and bloated and look terrible.

I guess they were just excited but they could have been a bit more thoughtful.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 03/08/2019 22:52

I'm dreading my PIL doing this. Just hoping for a quick discharge so I can avoid it happening too soon. I'm not sure some people understand the difference between tagging someone in a pic on Facebook and handing around a printed photo in the privacy of their living room.

tried20names · 03/08/2019 22:53

My FIL took a similar picture after DS1 was born and was pretty embarrassed when I saw how awful I looked.
They were looking after DS when DS2 was born so didn't come to the hospital that time and I'm now sad that there isn't a picture like that of DS2 and I. Hopefully you will treasure that photo in future OP. Congratulations, enjoy your little one

ohsitdownnexttome · 03/08/2019 22:54

My DH did this sent everyone a photo of me sweaty hair, red face, looking deranged and cross eyed in my bra I had just given birth, baby placed on me. To be honest it's a horrible picture, of a lovely moment when the pain was finally over.

saraclara · 03/08/2019 22:56

They were so proud of you. Maybe they should have asked before showing it to others, but they were clearly emotional and happy, and yes, proud of you. They'll have thought you looked amazing.
They sound lovely.

ChocolateCroissants · 03/08/2019 22:57

I wouldn’t have invited people into the room in that state personally, you’ll know not to should you have another. They should have realised what they had photographed and had the common sense to keep it to themselves, I think most people would know to.

My husband took pics of me a few moments after I gave birth to both of our children, you can see I’m naked in one with the baby obscuring my bits and in the other my legs are still in stirrups and I’ve got blood smeared allover me. They are not pics for sharing simple as, but I’m glad he took these pics of the moment I met both of our children (I was a little away with the fairies both times so the actual memories are hazy). I’d never show them to anyone though.

Justaboy · 03/08/2019 23:00

Could look at it this way new mum, your not going to get that photo oppertunity ever again with the birth of "that" child?.

Does anyone really expect a new mum to look done up to the nines?.

Its the way she is at that time, and that time is unique:)

Was it a boy or a 'lil lady?

BrokenWing · 03/08/2019 23:01

Could be worse, a proud dad at our work shared a photo of his wife, who also worked with us, and new baby to her colleagues including her team of mostly 18-24 year men.

The photo was very soon after the birth, still in hospital gown, gown pulled down lying on her side, baby on bed beside her, boob out very exposed and feeding.

Beautiful natural photo but not one I think she expected shared with the lads in her team!

ChocolateCroissants · 03/08/2019 23:13

This reminds me of the time a work colleague had her husband announce the birth and shared their first pic with everyone on the work emailing list (100 plus people). It was a beautiful picture of him looking so proud holding the baby immediately after the birth. Unfortunately his wife is in the background in stirrups on the gas and air, with the midwife between her legs, either delivering the placenta or stitching her up. We felt quite embarrassed for her, she was pretty senior too, not that being junior would make it any better!

VenusTiger · 03/08/2019 23:43

@chocolatecroissants lmao I thought you meant aged when you said Senior for a moment

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