Not to go to this wedding because I'm fat.

[Lily2811]

Wedding next weekend. Don't know that many people going. Partners friends. I don't want to go because I'm overweight and everything looks awful on me at the moment. I know I will spend the whole time feeling self conscious and uncomfortable. Aibu to just not go?

Yabu but I don't blame you and understand how you feel! I think you know you are too as you've already accepted the invite and cancelling this late isn't fair really.

I have had some of the best times when I have dreaded going. Perhaps living life with low expectations is key

If you have any spare money I would do something to make yourself feel better like have your nails done something.

Can you afford a fabulous new outfit? Something you feel great in.
If you're not happy with your weight then that's not going to change by next week, so get a lovely new frock and have a great time at the wedding. And maybe see this as a bit of a 'kick up the bum' moment to make some diet and exercise changes if your current weight isn't where you want to be.

YABU they will have already paid for your place and you should have told them earlier that you weren't going to come (assuming you haven't put on lots of weight in a very short time frame)

People here on MN are often great at making suggestions - could you post your shape/ size and someone might be able to suggest a flattering outfit to look for?

I’m fat as fuck and went to a wedding recently, I wore a gorgeous floral dress from Yours clothing and I felt amazing. I got so many compliments which was lovely because no one ever compliments me ever! Fat doesn’t have to mean frumpy and being hidden, own your weight OP and don’t give two fucks what people think of you, you’ll lose it when you’re ready to buy don’t stop living your life in the meantime.

@KeepFuckingOff

^^ this! Great advice

I recently attended a wedding, 8 weeks postpartum (and 5 stone weight gain). I had many tears before the event but eventually found a dress that made me feel great. It was from next, call the Quiz Curve Chain Print wrap dress in size 18 and i felt fantastic. It was only £35.

I spent loads of time on hair and make up and got a mani pedi the week before.

Can you order a load of outfits to try and see if you can find one that makes you feel good?

I don't think not attending is fair I'm afraid.

I think we have all felt the same discomfort and unhappiness in our bodies at one time or another, but you can’t let your body hold you back from experiencing life.
A lovely dress might help, have you looked at Asos curve?

be kind to yourself, be a role model and go and enjoy yourself

I know exactly how you are feeling.
I have been there ,done it,got the t/shirt.
And whats interesting is the majority of people don't notice anyone but the bride and groom.
How many times have you had a conversation with someone and you couldn't remember what they were wearing.
Its mostly only shallow people notice.
Get yourself out there ,buy a nice dress and have a good time.
Idid.

Whilst i know how you feel.

You need to go. You accepted the invite. I am presuming you were overweight, then?

You honestly just need to go. Find an outfit that makes you feel fab. Have a look at if there any local make up artists (something I always do for things like this) and you will feel fab!

How does your DP feel about you not going? I understand how you feel, but you don't want life to pass you by as you work to be happy with your appearance. If this is a one-off thing, then I'm inclined to say go ahead and indulge your insecurities for a day, but if it is the norm for you, I think it's only fair to you (and honestly your DP) to find a way to enjoy yourself, even if you're unhappy with your weight.

I googled that chain print wrap dress and it's gorgeous, btw. I imagine it's flattering to all sizes as well.

I understand op I have just been to a colleagues evening reception last week and felt like a fat frump. I drank more to block it out.

It was nice talking to people but I felt disgusting all night.

It was in the middle of the heatwave. So getting ready and squeezing myself into outfits was an unpleasant experience.

While you can't put your life on hold for weight. I have often spoiled experiences for myself by being down about my weight.

If you don't go you must promise yourself to change. However if it is a full day event it does seem mean to cancel on the hosts. Evening doo then not so much.

I’ve been massively overweight for 12 years, I’ve allowed it to take away so many experiences from me, I’ve missed out on so many important occasions, I’ve not been on holiday in 11 years. I realised a couple of months ago that the only person allowing my weight to hold me back is me and why? No one is looking at me, no one cares what I’m wearing or how I look. So I decided whilst losing weight (I’ve dropped from a size 28 to a 22, it’s slow progress and won’t happen overnight so I’m not going to carry on wasting time!), I’m going to live my life and wear clothes that make me feel good doing so and just enjoy occasions. I’ve even booked a holiday!

Please don’t do what I did, please go and have a wonderful time. Whatever you wear will look fab!

I have felt like this before and cried in front of the mirror hating myself, it’s a shit place to be. Don’t let it ruin your day, you have ample time to order some stuff to try on and some lovely dress suggestions here. Wrap dress with sleeves flatted every shape. Make your boobs the focus, heels if you can manage them, even a low wedge. Wedge espadrilles are everywhere right now and easier to walk in. Hair and make up and nails and you will look gorgeous. People come in all sizes and plenty of bigger people can look absolutely stunning.

YABU if you’ve already RSVP that you’re attending.

Why not use this feeling as the motivation to lose weight so you can be happier in yourself and with your appearance/health?

Thanks everyone. After lots of thought I've decided not to go but thanks for all the suggestions.

You regret the things you don't do more than those you do has always rung true for me. Has your partner got someone else he can take?

YABU to cancel at such short notice when they’ve paid for your place.

I’m fat and I do feel uncomfortable getting dressed up for events but I figure there are no clothes out there that are going to make me look like I’m a size 8 so I just dress to suit my shape. There are plenty of gorgeous plus sized clothes out there to make you look and feel great.

Please don’t let society conventions stop you from living your - your body shape does not define you, your personality, your smile and how you interact with people is what is you, not the number on a dress label.

Please be kind to yourself - we are only here once, make the most of every moment

@gottagetbetter7 he'll be fine. All his (slim) friends are going.

@amusedbush I really don't think they'll care, they'll probably fill my place with someone else. I've only met them once, I think they only invited me to be polite anyway.

@Foslady I know but I won't be able to enjoy it knowing everyone's thinking "who's that fat girl in the corner?" why is she here?

Honestly go. Go go go. We are here for a good time not a long time. Go!

You just walk in positively, no one will think about your size. Go!