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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to go to this wedding because I'm fat.

76 replies

Lily2811 · 03/08/2019 12:23

Wedding next weekend. Don't know that many people going. Partners friends. I don't want to go because I'm overweight and everything looks awful on me at the moment. I know I will spend the whole time feeling self conscious and uncomfortable. Aibu to just not go?

OP posts:
ChocolateCroissants · 03/08/2019 23:25

I hope you were only invited to the night do because dropping out as an all day guest with 1 week to go is a shitty thing to do. I’d be furious if someone didn’t come because they “felt fat”. If it’s just an evening thing then fine there’s less expense and effort.

We had someone drop out the week before (someone’s plus one) because he didn’t take it off work (he knew for a year and rsvp’d yes!), I was furious, not only had I paid £75 for him a place but I’d had a table plan printed and personalised favours made, shitty! He turned up in the evening, I wasn’t impressed. Think about the potential of putting other people out too.

IsobelRae23 · 03/08/2019 23:30

No offence but no one will be looking at you, they will be looking at the bride. If people don’t know you, they won’t give a hoot or a second though to you. You over thinking this in the wrong way.

Waveysnail · 03/08/2019 23:34

If you let your weight stop you having a life then your not living

Waveysnail · 03/08/2019 23:35

I watch a friend spend years saying 'when I lose weight I will do X' . It was painful. She didn't do anything or go anywhere waiting for life to happen to her. It took 10+ years for her to realise that no one bloody cares about her weight but her and finallynstatred living

looondonn · 03/08/2019 23:40

Sod that don't go

Hate weddings

Rather like a sheep's testicle
My idea of hell

Yes yes some love all that

Not me

Treat yourself to something nice and relax !!!

You barley know them

WanderingTrolley1 · 03/08/2019 23:44

Poor form, OP.

LucyFox1987 · 03/08/2019 23:59

Very unfair to the bride and groom if they have paid for you for the full day. If it's just the after it's not as bad

goldfinchfan · 04/08/2019 00:06

Find a beautiful dress or outfit and talk to a good friend for some support.
You can look good at any weight if you feel happy in yourself.
It's the bride's day and you can have fun.
probably no-one will be looking at you because everyone has their own stuff going on
I bet half the women there will be feeling anxious about something or other.
Go, and enjoy yourself and do find a good outfit.
Look for secondhand if money is tight but Yours and Evans do have some good sales.
I put a lot of weight on with illness and it took ages to twig that wearing something I like means no-one is judging me.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/08/2019 00:10

I’m sorry you decided not to go. You can still look fabulous and enjoy yourself. I worked with a very overweight lady and every day she looked amazing. Grooming was key, amazing hair, makeup just so and well fitting clothes. Think about that for future events

IamWaggingBrenda · 04/08/2019 00:28

I know but I won't be able to enjoy it knowing everyone's thinking "who's that fat girl in the corner?" why is she here?. I know you’ve already decided to not go, but honestly, I’m going to sound harsh, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. No one is going to be so focused on you, and thinking of you as the “fat girl in the corner”. Try to focus on your good qualities. I am SURE you have many. Lots of people are overweight, but what is attractive about a person is a positive attitude, and interest in others, not feeling sorry for themselves. Flowers

missperegrinespeculiar · 04/08/2019 00:32

Geesh sister, woman up! fuck them if they think that, who are they to judge you?

you have every right to be out there enjoying yourself like the rest of them! own it! and fuck the fat shamers!

Coyoacan · 04/08/2019 00:39

Most people only judge the superficial for a second or two. I know that if someone is kind, interesting and/or fun, or conversely if someone is unpleasant or boring, within a minute or two that is what I see, not whether their clothes are fashionable or their body perfect.

Tillygetsit · 04/08/2019 00:47

I'm going to a friend's lunch on Thurs. Got a babysitter, DH has the day off and I had a massive meltdown this afternoon because I feel fat. ( I am fat!) I know exactly how you feel. IH told me that the lunch wasnt about me, that my friend would be sad if I didnt go. I had a good rummage in my wardrobe and found a very loud floaty top I'd forgotten about. OH is an arse sometimes but this time he's right. Find something unapologetic and have fun x

goldfinchfan · 04/08/2019 01:00

sorry you decided not to go but make sure you do go the next time you get an invite somewhere.
Find the best clothes, hunt for bargains and stop obsessing about your weight.
if you ahd a friend who put weight on would that mean you don't want to see them anymore?

JemimaPuddlePeacock · 04/08/2019 04:40

Urgh, there are many worse things than being fat. Like being a flake and letting people down. Disappointing.

Yeahnahmum · 04/08/2019 07:06

Either be fat and own it
Or lose weight

In your case: Stop being fat (because it clearly bothers you) go to the gym, eat better and start your future today.

But don't not go to the wedding because of it. If you dont want to go because you dont want to go: fair enough. If you dont want to know because you are fat and feel miserable about it: bad excuse. Also: noone is looking at you. All eyes are on the bride and groom 😊

Emilydickensonsdogs · 04/08/2019 08:17

I think you may be surprised of all the slim people going, that many will have their own issues. Even if it doesn’t involve weight, many people are struggling and are pushing themselves.
You have a partner, grab every bit of happiness you can. Go and have fun, don’t put your life on hold.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 04/08/2019 08:29

I know but I won't be able to enjoy it knowing everyone's thinking "who's that fat girl in the corner?" why is she here?

With all due respect, they won’t, they won’t give a crap who you are.
You are not the focus of the day, the bride and groom are

chocolatemademefat · 04/08/2019 08:43

keepfuckingoff you’re a star!

diet4eva · 04/08/2019 08:52

I am 11 stone over my ideal weight and used to dread social occasions. I am now on a strict diet and exercise regime as it is the right time for me. I would suggest getting yourself on Pinterest and looking at some positive role models for large women - Mellissa McCarthy works for me as she is large and beautiful. Accept yourself as you are right now - every lb of extra body weight is a battle scar for a time that you have survived and go out and be a warrior!! I have found that social situations can be hard if you give out the 'fat miserable vibe' but if you can turn on the 'jolly fat bird' even just for a few hours, you will find you feel better and people will accept you and hopefully feel relaxed around you and then you them. Sometimes it really is about putting on an act for a short period of time !

Atlasta · 04/08/2019 09:00

I mean this in the best possible way.
I am overweight too and some thoughts that have helped spur me to go to events are along the lines of the following....
Why are you making the day about you?
Won't the spotlight be on the bride and groom?
Am sure the other guests will have more to focus on than you.
You sound self-absorbed

Toddlerteaplease · 04/08/2019 09:03

I'm sorry but I think you've been very selfish. Especially if they've paid for your meal etc. The bride and groom invited you, because they wanted you to be there. It's their day, and not all about you.

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 04/08/2019 09:06

Aw I do feel for you but YABU.
People won’t be interested in your size (at all) but whether you’re a nice chatty person to get to know. Go and enjoy yourself. If you stay home waiting to look thinner for events you’ll never go anywhere. And assume your partner would like a date ! (I do sympathise though as a fellow panicker about weight and outfits !)

TayoTheLittleBus · 04/08/2019 09:09

Christ what a pity party.

No one cares.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Put on your shorts and go and do the first instalment of Couch to 5k.

You won’t though. There will of course be an excuse as to why you can’t.

ScreamingValenta · 04/08/2019 09:13

No one will notice, if you do change your mind and go. I can almost guarantee you won't be the only one there who is overweight.